when he wont marry

[wishing1]

My guy and I have been together for 4 1/2 years. We have lived together for 2. When we were together the first 1 1/2 years he talked about getting married and having a child, we are both older, he is 41 and I am 40 just turned 40 last week last year he told me that he never wants to marry anyone, that too many of his friends are getting divorced and he just doesn't want to ever take the chance and he does not want children, they take too much time and responsibility. I want to be married not date someone for life. I am also 40 and really want to have a child, it is hard that I must leave because there is no changing his mind, we have argued and talked this entire year about it and I cannot give another 4 years as I think I will be missing out on maybe meeting Mr. Right and having a child, I don't have too many biologic years left and I am angry that he wasted 4 of them...it's hard to leave when you live with someone, I need some strength to make up my mind and get out....help, any advice appreciated.

i'm amazed that you are considering his feelings tbh. he certainly isn't considering yours. i think it's time to move on and find what you want. don't waste another second!

He has been very manipulative and controlling over this. He wanted you to get pregnant very early in your relationship, with only the promise of marriage afterwards. He talked about marriage and children, but then, when you were satisfied that the relationship was a long-term and secure one, he started to prevaricate - knowing that time delays would be crucial to you but not for him (in case he changes his mind again). He doesn't tell you he loves you and won't commit to the relationship.

If having children is crucial to who you are and how you see your life, then this man isn't the one for you - indeed he may not, with his attitude, be the man for anyone.

If you get out of the relationship, do so for yourself, not necessarily to be with this other man. Give yourself a little breathing space and then you can see how things pan out with the chap at work.

This must be so difficult for you but IMHO your dp is only taking his own wants into consideration and is expecting you to just fall into line. Being married and having a child are obviously very important to you and tbh from what you've posted it doesn't sound as though you are actually altogether that happy with each other. There's a huge difference between someone being willing but unable to have a child with you and choosing simply not to do it.

If you want marriage and a child then I think that you need to accept that you want different things in life and you are not suited so that you can both go on to meet people that you will be happy with. Not marrying and having a child are important issues for some people but not all and it would be sad for you to look back in the future and regret not at least trying. It does soun d like you've still got a good chance of being able to still have a baby and fwiw I've just had one at age 42 but it did take time.

If you want a husband and a baby, you have to be prepared to leave this man. You can't say you will hoping for change. You have to do it meaning it. It will be difficult because there isn't another option waiting in the wings. But he's made his position clear. It took a while but it's clear now. Good luck.

Acinonyx - 'Zararin neresinden donulse kardir'

you can't hope that he'll change his mind and hang on to the relationship on that basis. you have to accept his decision, and now make yours based on it.

FORGET about the other man for now.

Just forget it.

And focus on YOU. If it's meant to be with him, it will fall into place once you are happy with yourself and your own company.

First and foremost, by leaving this boyfriend.

Now.

Go flat-hunting today after work, in fact.

Move out by the end of the week.

Hard? Yes. I divorced a man when I was 30 because he never wanted kids. Left when I was 28.

Was the hardest thing I ever did, but the best decision I ever made.

Because I didn't want to end up like his pal's girlfriend: 38 and wasting her time.

I wanted to at least have tried. I knew I could have peace with myself if I tried and it just didn't work out - I was infertile, for example. But if I didn't go for it, I'd always regret it.

Expat is right.

Don't worry too much about his feelings. They will not be much hurt by your departure. He will be able to find another woman to service him with surprising speed.
Because that's what he wants from a woman: domestic and sexual service, because that's what he thinks women are for. And he doesn't want to have children because he thinks the quality of the service would go down.
If you want children, you want children, and there is nothing wrong with that (nor is there actually anything wrong with not wanting children but if partners have opposing opinions then the relationship is doomed), but be careful about wanting marriage too much: if you are desperate for marriage you will be vulnerable to predators.
Good luck. You can do better than this man who isn't bothered about you.