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Original poster

Please help!

52 replies

Daisypops · 12/07/2008 23:17

I just want some advice. Looked at my DP's phone a few weeks ago and a woman had text him. It said 'Glad tobe back in my nice warm house' then something else thatI didn't getchance to read but the text had a fair few kisses at the end. DP caught me looking at his phone and his face was like he'd just poo'd himself. He said he knew her years ago fromwork and shes just started texting him out of the blue. I asked if i could see his phone again and he would't let me.
Then tonight he was at his pc, he had MSN minimised, but I saw the same girls name (and another) with lovehears at the side of them. I asked him about it and he said there were loads of people on there from years ago, but these names were at the top of the list (does that mean hes chatted to them recently?) Hesaid there were blocked which they were.

I've got back from my friends and hes gone about, not answering his phone and has trimmed his man hair in the bathroom coz its all over the floor.

I just don't know what to do. My mum is sleeping and I have no one else to talk to.

I can't prove hes actually doing anything but text and MSN is bad enough for me.

I don't trust him 100% hence why I was looking at his phone. I'm just heartbroken that he could do this to me.

I feel sick and can't sleep. I'm angry, sad, feel stupid.

Please someone give me some advice.

TIA

OP posts:
Original poster
Daisypops · 13/07/2008 06:47

I'm 28, he's 33 why?

He didn't come home all night. I feel a bit better this morning. Still think hes messing around but I feel a bit stronger. Still feel sick though.

Her name was on his phone and on MSN. Hes secretive and twists it to say its me whos mad.

I don't want him back in my house when I don't know where hes been and hes treat me like this. Drading him coming back, if he does at all!

OP posts:
Original poster
Daisypops · 13/07/2008 06:49

I'm 28, he's 33 why?

He didn't come home all night. I feel a bit better this morning. Still think hes messing around but I feel a bit stronger. Still feel sick though.

Her name was on his phone and on MSN. Hes secretive and twists it to say its me whos mad.

I don't want him back in my house when I don't know where hes been and hes treat me like this. Drading him coming back, if he does at all!

OP posts:
NotQuiteCockney · 13/07/2008 07:56

Is staying out all night normal for him?

Limara · 13/07/2008 09:42

Oh, didn't he come back last night? now that's worrying....

thumbwitch, no your right, not quite so exciting if your suspicions are confirmed, been there too.

MrsMacaroon · 13/07/2008 12:59

cripes...not good

that's unacceptable behaviour and you need to remain outwardly strong.

do you have support in real life?

nik76 · 14/07/2008 06:50

Have to say that my comments have changed slightly since I saw he did not come home!

Anyway what I was going to say is that it could still be innocent. He really could just be chatting to an old friend, yes it may be a bit flirtyl but that does not mean he has or will cheat on you. He does however mean that he KNOWS that he has something on his phone which he thinks will upset you no matter how inocent it really is.

Staying out all night COULD be inocent too however you need to view this from a distance, as a whole not just his phone, not just staying out but him and all his actions.

Do you think he would cheat on you?
Do you think he would have another relationship?

If I am being honest the only thing that really worries me is that he is saying you are going mad imo telling someone they are going round the bend is always a bad sign.

Either way you need to talk to him and see how it goes. But if your trust in him was already damaged its no wonder this is your first thought.

CoteDAzur · 14/07/2008 07:18

Is anyone really in doubt as to what is going on here? What exactly would be the 'innocent explanation' for having trimmed his pubic hair, gone out, ignored calls on his phone, and not made it back home all of Saturday night?

theexmrsfederer · 14/07/2008 08:11

Daisy, are you OK?

What is happening?

VinegarTits · 14/07/2008 08:40

Daisypops, just come across this thread and my advice would be to sit him down and talk to him, forget about this sneaking about trying to get his password and catch him out(you will drive yourself crazy doing that), sit him down and ask him straight to his face, tell him your suspisions and ask him to be honest with you, if he is a decent person who loves you he try to sort it out, tell him you are not going to put up with him not coming home all night, remind him of what he has to lose (you and the dc) if he is thinking of having a fling. You need to sit him down and talk it through with him like adults ASAP, checking his phone and msn will only send wild thoughts through your head that will drive you crazy. Talk to him. Good luck.

loopylou6 · 14/07/2008 10:14

so...
he ahs never fed or changed your dd?

he refused to let you see his phone when you asked?

he has shaved down there and went out and stayted out all night, not even respecting you enough to clean his mess off the floor, almost like hes mocking you IMO

there is a name of a female on his phone/msn who wasnt there before

he tells u that YOU have the problem?

daisy, you know what is happening,its blatently obvious, go pack his bags and kick the twat out the door, you are worth more, you're young and you say you are attractive, you wont have trouble finding someone else, so dont waste anymore of your time on this nerd.

beanieb · 14/07/2008 10:30

Not sure if anyone has answered this but their name being at the top of the list doesn't mean he's spoken to them recently.

ladylush · 14/07/2008 10:46

daisy - all the signs are there. Why not let you see his phone if he's innocent? Why stay out all night? Why cut your pubes just before you're going out (when the person he's going out with is not you)? Trust in your instincts. I've been in a situation not too long ago where I had great evidence that h had cheated (explicit email). He completely denied it until I found the hotel booking receipt in his email. Then I got the truth. He may be one of these men who deny it until you have the definitive evidence. The keylog thing flashman suggested might give you that evidence. I think another reason why men cheat is to escape their problems and get an ego boost. They don't think about the fact that having an affair might make them even more miserable afterwards when it is exposed and they have to deal with the fallout.

Flashman · 14/07/2008 13:27

You know there is another possible reason - he is doing it to just fuck with you - I mean if you were cutting the hair down there would you leave the evidence?? Perhaps he did it for you to find they stayed out the night for something else.

And ladylush I am not so sure it is to escape problems totally - rather just for the excitement. And I do think getting past 30 is a huge thing - it is so depressing. Lot of my friends have broken with partners just to have a last huzza as it were. I am 31 as are most of my friends. So yes it is the whole ego thing overall.

VeronicaMars · 14/07/2008 14:01

I would have changed the locks and posted the leftover pubes to his mother.
I would be extremely pissed off by his behavior. I would confront him and don't let him bullshit you into thinking you are losing it. You have very good reasons to suspect and you need answers.

VeronicaMars · 14/07/2008 14:01

I would have changed the locks and posted the leftover pubes to his mother.
I would be extremely pissed off by his behavior. I would confront him and don't let him bullshit you into thinking you are losing it. You have very good reasons to suspect and you need answers.

ladylush · 14/07/2008 22:37

flashman - I said another reason rather than the reason. I concede that "fun" is a major reason.

nkf · 14/07/2008 22:45

Same old same old they say. As if cheating on their wives wasn't the ultimate in same old same old. So they hit 30 or 40 o 50 and turn into a cliche. Pitiful.

Flashman · 14/07/2008 23:22

So cause it is a cliche it makes it less true then nkf?

nkf · 15/07/2008 07:33

It makes it dreary which is odd as it sounds as if they are chasing excitement.

nik76 · 15/07/2008 07:42

I hope you've spoken to him and you are ok.

Original poster
Daisypops · 22/07/2008 20:36

Sorry not been able to update, my space bar wasn't working.
It looks like things are over between us. He wrote me a letter saying the girl on his phone is someone he knew years ago and he doesn't want anyone else, but I;'m afriad I don't believe him, shes never been on his phone before and why is she texting him. I haven't heard from him at all but he has text my mum to ask if he can see our DD on thursday, I have text him and asked him to go thru me not my mum if he wants to see her. I'm very low at the moment but I have my gorgeous DD to keep me going.

OP posts:
theexmrsfederer · 22/07/2008 21:11

so sorry daisy

Original poster
Daisypops · 22/07/2008 21:14

my ex dp has never even changed dd's nappy and doesn't know how to feed her etc, does anyone know if i can say to thim that he can only see her if hes accompanied by someone who knows what they're doing? I don't really want him taking her out as he doesn't watch her. It will be awful for me worrying about her. Someone please help, I have no one else to talk to. I haven't even told anyone we've split up. Its really hard, I feel sick. I keep crying for my baby and silly things like I can't even watch the camcorder videos of her when she was born coz hes on them. I'm so sad.

OP posts:
Original poster
Daisypops · 22/07/2008 21:21

Anyone

OP posts:
splishsplosh · 22/07/2008 21:26

Is there anyone he could be with when spending time with her? Are his parents nearby? Could you bear to have him at your house so he can see her? Though he'll soon learn how to change a nappy etc if he has to do it. But I know how worrying it is to think she might not be looked after properly.

I understand all too well how sad and devastated you must be feeling at the moment