DHs story seems implausible. opinions welcome

[trackerc]

Saw in DHs top drawer that there was a pack of 2 condoms - opened it to see one missing. There has been some history of things in thepast - my suspicions, but he has never come out & said hes 'done' things but all would point towards it. Have agreed to let things go & work at it in the past. Now have 14 mth old DD & have told him what Ive found tonight. He has avoided all eye contact, said as little as poss & just commented 'I sometimes like to masturbate with one on' (no history of this, can only count on one had times weve used condoms & this was years ago when met) He has retreated into his cave & said 'Im not going to argue'& his defence was 'why would they be in my top drawer if i was doing anything' All seems avoidant, not expaining or even empathising. Almost immediatly he said Im going to watch a dvd upstairs & went up hours ago. I know Im going to go up there & he will be the injured party & will never say anything more. I have concluded that continually pressing the subject wont get me anywhere (thats his personality) so am just withdrawing but dont really know where it will lead. Just to have your thoughts would be nice
Thanks in anticipation...

Well, went to bed & nothing said. Got up & nothing said apart from general 'have she ate all her breakfast' 'are you picking her up etc' He sent normal nice emails to me at work 'hi sweetheart, how is your day etc' Ive been cold & replied courteously because I feel I am not prepared for ultimatums & arguments, but spent evening with DD at my mums. Equally Im not sure where I want to fully go with this, so many eventualities & some of them feel disasterous (I know, I know, dont run away with yourself!).
Maybe Im working up bravery, maybe Im not. I dont know. I am confident he is thinking 'if its not mentioned it goes away' Its only my resolve that will ensure it doesnt. This time I deserve to know if or what future we have. The only thing is when to address it & how.
Ive appreciated the posts, it almost feels like Im reading someone elses fiction though.

Well, I'd say that he is probably cheating on you. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Thanks Clam for being angry on my behalf. YOure right, he is making me sweat - why cant he try to explain or empathise or show generalised concern that I may be distressed by the what ifs. I never ranted or anythingn or put him in a corner, so hes not got any great reason to feel injured party. He asked me what was wrong & I told him what Id found & paused waiting for an explanation
In all honesty, I think hes papping himself & hoping to god that Ill drop it & itll go away cos our DD is SOOOOO fab that he may be thinking that this area of life is in jeopardy. Well, it is.

Suppose he was planning act or has done it but doesn't want to break up. Then he will not open up will he. He will be evasive. This is the reason why I suggested that you have a more general discussion about your relationship. Also, are you clear on whether you will definitely walk if he has committed adultery?

My exdh told me exactly the same about using a condom to have a wank, as he had rough hands philandering thingy that he was and still is.....

He is not telling the truth and play you - I am sorry that you are there and not in a good place. Victim my blardy ar*s - just don't play his game

Worth thinking ahead: suppose he has done something wrong, will you walk absolutely? If so then pursue the truth and then take action. If not then there is more to consider and weigh up, right.

When to address it & how? There's never going to be a "right" time, so do it now. Go through this thread and you'll find loads of advice on how to do it, and, amazingly, it's not all contradictory! Telling him how you feel is not inflammatory as you're not saying you blame him, just how YOU feel and you can't help it, it's not as if you want to feel like it, you just do.

THANKS to all.
I know I need to do it, Im too exhausted to address it tonight. I think it will come tomorrow...

Goodnight Trackerc. Don't let us wind you up too much. You don't know if/what he has done. Maybe adopting a philosophical approach to this might be one way of dealing with it. It is possible that any of our wives/husbands could err; it doesn't mean that she/he doesn't value the relationship. Equally important to help each other rediscover full happiness if things have slipped.

On the other hand if this is an absolute "red line" for you then kick his butt!

Cheapskatemum is right- try not to pre-empt...you can't control what he will say, just think about what you NEED to communicate. Let him worry about himself. Have you got lots of support in RL?

I trusted my instincts in the end and they were right sadly . We didn't even need condoms. So that was rather a give away wasn't it.

He if can't make eye contact - I would automatically think he was guilty. But I'm jaded by my experience. You have to talk this through with him. These kind of things make relationships fester and go bad. Good luck.

sorry but doesn't look promising to me I

I think he is/was cheating.

Update?

Tracker is all ok?

I ahve heard this excuse for codoms before - on Jermey kyle and you can imagine what he said to that!!!!

Hope you have talked to him and things are getting better.