Done a terrible thing and now my marriage is over.

[OracleInaCoracle]

dh went out today with his friends at 1pm, i saw him at about 4 and he told me he would be home in an hour, 6pm still no sgn so i sent him a text asking where he was, no reply.
sent him a couple more, getting angrier and angrier until he rolled in at 8. i have had a migraine all day and we ran out of milk. when he came in and ds had gone to bed we had a huge row.

weve been having probs lately and he doesnt trst me, thinks im having an affair (im not) and he said that him coming home late was no different to the one time i was late (an hour because taxi didnt show) and i was "slagging around town" i lost my rag a bit and tipped his beer over him and stormed out. im so ashamed of what ive done and we've talked, but this is just the last in a long line of problems, i dont see how we can move on

he turned round to me after a big row we had and said "i love you but i dont think i am in love with you anymore"

I was upset for about a day, told him i felt the same and we agreed that he should move out..........I knew it was the right thing to do because i didnt feel as if my world had ended, there was a sense of relief.

the situation is sad because of the DC and we spent nearly 8 years together but i don miss him, and it dawned on me about 6 weeks ago, as i was sat in the living room on my own that the relationship had beed dead on its arse for some time, we just skimmed over the cracks......you need to make youyr own decision lissie, i am just giving you my side of it, but it was the best choice for us and the DC

Does he lurk on MN then????

thank you fawkeoff.

vvv, sometimes he checks my posts/emails/texts/facebook.... we had a massive row, there were simillarites, i wont deny that, but there were also BIG differences. and he still doesnt believe that it wasnt me, despite me showing him all of my nicknames/emails/posts and picking apart the thread.

So sorry to hear you are having these probs

Have you thought about couples counselling?
It sounds like it might help.

he should trust you, you shouldnt have to justify yourself.......end of

Yes, he's got trust issues by the sounds of it. You dont need this on top of everything else. Your nickname history should be proof positive that it wasnt you so if he's not having it then he's a fool.

Lissie, sorry to hear this - hope that whatever happens now there will be a point when you can look back and feel that things are better for you.

thanks, CD weve discussed it but i feel that things have gone too far now. he even rang up the college to see if i was in, when they couldnt find me he assumed i was with "him" (whoever "he" is) and i had to call my tutor to confirm that id been with a client all day

lack of trust/respect is no good in a relationship, life is too short for it to be spent being unhaapym if you feel you can move on and things can be changed them great but if not that ia the tricky bit,
i wish you luck and hope you can sort something out.

i know. i should really go to bed, but am too wound up. we are supposed to be moving on monday and get the keys to the new house on friday

lissielou, I am in a rocky relationship, was very abusive, and trust was an issue, he had a "friend", its no good if you are on eggshells all the time, especially if you have other issues that mean you have to take care of yourself. Think long and hard, but you dont want to be turning around in 10 years and thinking what am I still doing here.

As for a terrible thing, a beer over his head aint that bad kid! Sounds like you have put up with a lot to get to that place so go easy on yourself.

Good luck

thank you. tbh,worried about ds. he's 3 and i dont want things to get worse and for us to end up hating each other. we still have to be in each others lives.

im off to bed now, will kip in with ds i think.

sorry to hear this lissie. IME its no use pandering to the permanantly perading injured party. its best to tell them to grow up and get over it. = i said i was sorry stop being a prick - if you want top talk about things and the future like adults then we will, but i am not going to spend the immediate future kissing your arse becuase we wer BOPTH at fault. so you can either grow the fuck up and have a conversation. of piss the fuck off cos i am done!

thanks custy. im just tired of apologising constantly.

I don't think that you are the one in the wrong here.
He sounds unreasonable and resentful.
I would be furious if my DH accused me of'slagging around town' and having an affair.

He is the one who should be ashamed and begging your forgiveness.
Good luck.

ok actually. not cried or got upset, i think that its probably for the best. too much has happened and i have to think of ds.

lissie

i am so sorry you are having to deal with it

your DH is being totally unreasonable

are you going to have a trial separation or try to work through it(if you want to)?

Why is he so suspicious of you?

ruby, i dont know. weve still not spoken.

mrsruffalo, there was a thread on here a while ago about a woman who was considering an affair and he read it and assumed it was me. and he still doesnt believe it wasnt despite me showing him my nicknames and emails etc.

oh Lissie - it is hard to have any sort of dialogue with someone who doesn't believe a word you say ...

Sonds very fragile. and I am sorry, but the way he speaks to you in outrageous.
Once trust has gone it is very hard to make things work.
I hope everything works out for the best.

well, weve spoken and both apologised. decided to move into the house and see what happens.

wats, i dont know. he reads it to see what im saying/doing