I have been with my partner for around 2 years. He was violent once, after my birthday last year we had both been drinking and he started being quite aggressive when we got home. I recognised the signs and said I was going to bed, he then hit me across the face with the back of his hand. I told him I wanted him to leave but he talked me around, said he wouldn't drink anymore and would go to anger management. I agreed but the months went on and he kept saying he was too busy for the anger management but he did stop drinking.
Last weekend he told me that he thought I spent too much time at karate. I'm currently there 4 times a week, simply because I have a very important grading coming up. I am due to take my black belt in 2 weeks and so obviously need all the training I can get. He knows this. So Saturday night came and he asked if I fancied getting some drinks in, I said no and reminded him that he shouldn't be drinking either. He told me not to tell him what he can and can't do and if I can "Blow" so much time and money on karate he will do the same with alcohol.
I said fair enough but I wouldn't be joining him. So he had one or two drinks before he started on me, saying I was selfish and "fancied" the karate instructor and that was the real reason I trained so much. I told him he was being ridiculous and once I passed the grading I would cut the training down to twice a week so he pushed me into the wall and said "I know you will". I went on to tell him that I would do what I wanted, when I wanted so he said "so will I, and that might include giving you another back hander if you keep on". At this point I swore at him and he spun around and hit me (tried to hit my face but I got out of it) and I then kicked him and he dropped his drink which smashed on the floor so he grabbed me by the hair and said he was going to clean the glass up with my face. I got him off me and ran upstairs (to call the police) and he came in the bedroom and punched me in the side of the face which made me fall over and then he just went mad and carried on hitting and kicking me.
To cut a long story short, the next day I took DD to karate. Told her I couldn't go and to tell instructor. I couldn't turn up full of bruises and was in no fit state to train anyway. I told her to just tell instructor I was ill, nothing else. Needless to say she told him everything. Instructor then came out to the car and asked what had happened, I said it was personal and I would deal with it but he wouldn't let it go. I ended up telling him to mind his own business and leave me alone. Now I feel AWFUL, he has taught me so much and I treated him with such disrespect. He looked quite hurt and just walked away without saying anything which was worse really than if he had given me a mouthful of abuse back.
Another argument with DP on wednesday sealed my decision to give up karate altogether. I didn't let DD go on thursday because I knew istructor would qustion her so instructor phoned me yesterday asking what was going on and was I still intending to grade. I told him I had quit. He went really quiet and said even if I don't grade this time, I could always do it in a few months. I told him karate didn't seem to do me much good in real situations and I would not be returning. I didn't really mean this, I was just upset and angry. Instructor then said I was a fool and hung up on me.
DP is now acting like everything is fine. Meanwhile I am stuck hating him, hating this so called relationship, the man I respect the most in my life now hates me and thinks I'm an idiot and I've just thrown away pretty much everything I have built up in my life over the past few years.
I'm not really looking for advice, I just want to offload. I have nobody to talk to.