Trigger warning - Historica SA and husbands bad reaction

[Maise24]

So with everything in the news recently about Russell Brand and the awful sexual assaults he had perpetrated- and event in my own sexual history (from about 15 years ago - way predating my husband and I dating - in which a consensual encounter had turned sort of non consensual as the man had anal sex with me after I said no - it has played on my mind a little since but I never told a single soul until I bought it up with my husband last night as obviously with the cases in the news it has been triggering

He was absolutely horrified- not in a - poor you, are you ok, way but in a deeply angry, silent and furious way. He stopped eating his dinner and stared ahead at the tv silently. Made absolutely zero attempt to comfort me or be in any way reassuring and said he was too angry. He kept saying 'I dont know why you keep looking at me, what do you want me to say?' and eventually the tension got too much to bear and I just went to bed and we haven't spoken since

My head is reeling now - I dont know what i hoped to achieve in telling him but thought as the person supposedly closest to me i might be able to talk to him about it. Maybe that was mistaken and I should have kept it to myself or spoken to a friend.

wow. My partner would be heartbroken for me and do anything he could to take care of me until he was sent down for murder.

He shouldn't be reacting like this, it's unkind and it's unfair on you
Contact rape crisis - consider the police
Is your partner often this emotionally cold towards you? He's part of the problem

I thought this as well. And if this is the way he thinks he is an absolute fucking pig.

I’m so sorry. For your past experience, but this is a whole other trauma of being let down when you first tell what happened. I think people have offered some possible insights, but I think giving you the silent treatment after a disclosure, whatever the reason, is really really awful. I’d be making that really clear to him and that I expect him to explain such appalling behaviour.

It does remind me of a male friend who’d experienced childhood SA, telling me he told a girlfriend who said ‘I don’t know what you want me to say’ and made it all about her. Some people have really shit interpersonal skills and no warmth. It’s very hard to fathom. Does your DH usually fit into that bracket of person?

I think his behaviour is disgusting.
be in shock yes, taken aback yes, a brief moment of not knowing what to say/how to respond yes.
2 days of silence and an awful mood, horrendous.

making it all about him and offering no comfort, no understanding, no acknowledgment of the trauma and strength it takes to admit something like that. Appalling.

hes making your trauma about himself. As if its offended him. Gross.

As as PP have suggested, if he is basically offended-that-another-bloke-has-“had”-you-in-a-certain-way, that’s even more bloody awful and misogynistic.
prick.

This is horrible OP.

My husband had a similar reaction when I was groped on a bus when 9 months pregnant. He was angry at me - from what I can gather, it was for telling him when there was nothing he could do about it.

We've talked it through since, and he knows he was wrong - but it still pisses me off as I doubt his reaction would be any different if it happened today. Troubling.

Horrendous reaction and inexcusable behaviour to punish you like this for disclosing something traumatic. I'm sorry OP, that must be really painful.

I wonder if he has an incident in his past where he pressured someone when they were reluctant, or drunk, or whatever - and didn’t really think much of it then but now with all the media he’s rethinking and worrying about the implications.

That’s what I’d think. The culture around consent has changed so much I can see how there are a lot of people reflecting on their past behaviours.