I met a man a few months ago while out with my friend in our local. He caught my eye and we exchanged numbers and up until now, have been dating, having a good laugh, connecting, I've even met his two sons out for a meal together, both in their twenties now.
He has a fairly good job, good saver, nice house that he has cleared the mortgage on. Seems to be really interested and communication is good.... only a few months in though, so I'm very aware that I don't know him well enough.
We have started sleeping together but nothing has really happened. It feels like he's not all that interested in sex at all. I was the one to initiate the first kiss and it was odd, but I wrote it off as nerves at first. He doesn't seem to want to kiss. I thought maybe he's asexual. No erection, kind of a semi one, but that was only once. When we are out and about he holds my hand most of the time, seems proud to be with me. Lots of hugs but just no interest in sex.
We've talked about it and he has put it down to age. He is 55. He got Viagra and nothing happened. Hasn't tried the other ones, whatever they are.
I've noticed he was behaving oddly with his phone. Taking it to the toilet if it was on the coffee table. Putting it face down. All notifications set to not show who or what they are. So I had a look while he was asleep and he's viewing a lot of sadistic material. It's women being humiliated, some of his Google searches are punishment of women and some are punishment of prostitutes. One week that we were really trying to sort out the sex issue, he was googling punishment of prostitutes regularly.
I've brought it up with him and he says he now feels he isn't allowed to have any secrets. He claims it's all fantasy and he doesn't want to harm women and it's "not what I think". I remained calm and asked him to explain it and tell me what he wants from his sex life with me but he clams up.
I've ended it and he's upset but I feel really disgusted. He actually told me I need to accept that's how he is.