My apologies for the long post, I don’t want to drip feed. So I’ve been in a relationship for just over 4 years, we don’t live together. In those four years I’ve lost count of the amount of times we’ve broke up, majority of the time it’s me telling him somethings upset me and he’s gone on the defensive straight away, rather than hear me, he’s seen it as an attack and always twists it round so I end up defending myself, he’ll also bring things up from the past and play the victim, absolutely no accountability whatsoever, then I’ll get the silent treatment, phone calls will be ignored, texts will be ignored, then he’ll take me off all his social media…I’ll just add, we’re not kids, we’re 50 year old. A lot of the time I’ll go crawling back just about begging him to give us another go, I do this because my anxiety kills me, I feel completely lost and feel like I need him to make me feel better. It’ll be good for a little while then the same pattern repeats itself.
Three year ago July 2023 during one of our breaks up he went on a dating site, chatted to someone and went on a date, we were only apart 9 days. I went back and he ghosted her, no explanation just blocked her everywhere. We fell out again in the november, he got in touch with her again then once again ghosted and blocked her when I went back. I knew nothing of this at the time. I found out the following year…she posted him on one of these are we dating the same guy Facebook groups, I’m not on any of those groups but a friend seen it and showed me. I contacted this woman and that’s how I found out. I was upset and hurt to think he replaced me so quickly! When I told him I knew and had seen all the messages between them (he did literally lovebomb her) his reply was “I wanted to feel wanted” and blamed me for it because I wasn’t giving him all of my time.
Since then this woman has posted him quite a lot on these groups. He knows he’s been posted and he knows by whom. I’ve defended him on those posts every single time which has caused her to message me quite a few times telling me I need to get rid of him, he’s a liar, a cheat ect ect.
Some examples of why he’s gave me the silent treatment just so you have an idea…his birthday one year, the previous year he had a day out with his adult kids, just the three of them, I was working. The year after I wasn’t sure what he was doing, I was looking to book in for a tattoo, I could get the day of his birthday or the day after. I rang and asked what day we were seeing each other, he spat his dummy out with me and gave me the silent treatment for over a week.
The following birthday (this year) I text and asked what was happening, the reply I got was “so you’re doing this again are you. Don’t bother I’ll spend it on my own” I ended up leaving the presents I bought him at his front door. I got the silent treatment again but this time I didn’t go chasing, he actually contacted me after 11 days.
Four weeks ago he was a bit off with me, I asked him what was wrong, he said I’d been cold and hadn’t text him much the previous day, I said I thought he was working and he could have text me. Ended up ringing him to clear the air and he said so is there a new rule where I can’t text him whilst he’s at work. I said no of course not, he kept going on about this rule, I asked him to stop, he didn’t, I said please stop or I’m putting the phone down, he hung up on me. And the silence began again. Now in the middle of this silence another one of those posts went on that group about him. Only this time there was a comment from his mates bit on the side ( his mate is married but has another two women on the go). In her comment she didn’t mention my name but it was so obvious her comment was directed at me, basically she accused me of putting the post up about him, threatened me and called me a thick c*nt!
When my friend showed me the post I rang him and said that had nothing to do with me, he said he’d asked her to delete it. Then 10 mins after the phone call he text and asked me to promise that post was nothing to do with me and my phone call set alarm bells ringing and was too much of a coincidence. I was so upset that I’d been the one to defend him at my expense on every other post about him and he could think that. He even said how I didn’t have his back but his mates bit on the side did. I’ve defended him on all other posts about him
We did end up talking (it was a week today) and got back together. Obviously the comment directed at me wasn’t sitting right. He had screenshots of this post and I asked him to send me them, he said no, I asked why, he said just no.
Yesterday we met for a coffee, I asked why he wouldn’t send me them, he had no problem showing me them last week. He said no good would come out of it. He’s knows her comment hurt me, I asked him just who’s back he had, mine or hers…his reply was both! I was gobsmacked! He went for his usual attack and defensive, I walked away and told him it comes to something when he puts his mates skanky tramp above me.
He rang a few times, it was heated, I tried to explain that I felt like she was more important to him than me and that we was ok with her accusing me, threatening me and insulting me. He said no, you’ve gone in a strop because I wouldn’t give you the screenshots.
I have emailed this morning, thinking give him time to calm down but he hasn’t even opened it.
I am so tired of this, I can’t say how I feel because it starts an argument, I get the blame for every argument and now I’m left feeling like this.