Dating red flags, struggling with new partner

[TravelMoose]

I've met a new lady and we get on so so well. I'm really falling for her. But there have been a few issues that I'm struggling with.

1. When we met she didn't reveal to me the guy she was hanging around with was her ex boyfriend. Which pissed me off although I had figured it out.

2. She's going through a messy divorce and has 2 kids that seem to dislike her.

3. She's going to share a house with her ex husband as they alternate living with the kids which I think is a weird set up at best. The kids stay in the family home and the parents will kinda swap in and out weekly..

4. She's got this guy she has as a friend they screwed a "long time ago" but still sees her from time to time..

I can't help but think this is all too much baggage. It's killing me softly already..am I being too sensitive?

You don't have to adopt this quasi institutional safeguarding language to share your experience on here, OP.

You have been dating a woman, some things don't sit well with you, you want a sanity check. Fine.

Answer: it doesn't matter what anyone on here says. If you don't like ex's hanging around, or her living arrangements, or the timing of things with her divorce being in a messy phase, and you are now no longer feeling it - just walk away.

Plenty more fish.

Christ on a bike, no, no, no.

a nightmare. A recipe for disaster.

Run!

The hills are that way >>>>>>

100pc

If she hasn’t texted you for a few days, there’s no real point mulling over it. She’s already decided she’s not interested. These aren’t decisions only you control!

I needed that chuckle, thank you. Think I have plenty of info from here thanks all. Cheers.

Totally

Yea it sounds like one big mess. I’d swerve this one.

Yes, this seems like a good solution for children to keep their lives more stable.

the other things though? Yes, run. She isn’t in the right place for a new relationship by the looks of it.

It's a fairly new concept and really not that common, especially not in the long run, as new relationships and blended families won't work that way. If he is after a serious relationship and eventually living together, this won't really work. Personally I think it's confusing for the kids. I am divorced and have a blended family of four children, three now adults. We discussed recently what they would have thought of this concept and the unanimous answer was ludicrous. It's also very messy financially to stay entangled that way.

Number two would be enough for me .
The part Where her kids dislike her .
If you’re a good person , you’re good & kind to your children , automatically then you have their love .
Hers dislike her , there’s your answer into what kind of a woman she is .

Came to say the same! How old are the kids? I would just end it OP!

Well, what the people being described are doing isn't usual. Everyone I know who 'nests' has enough money to rent somewhere separate for themselves when they're not living with the children.

Though the people I know who did this most recently, sold the former marital home, but rented an almost identical house close by where the children live, and used the money freed up to buy themselves somewhere separate each. Their kids are in theor final years at school, and one at the local university, and it works for them. They'll probably continue to rent it till the children have flown the nest.

The kids are 11 and 14, the daughter who is older is positively hostile. The younger son is a bit better but I don't get involved of course. I have my own daughter, she's 26 and raised her myself and seeing what goes on in her home to a little shocking to me; but I've been supportive as best I can..

The kids dislike her, she's hanging out with a mate she's shagged and she's going to be sharing a house with her ex. I mean, I don't know anyone who would think this is normal. If you continue the relationship all these complications will drive you nuts. There's plenty of women out there with far more normal lives, go find one of them.

I am spelling out 'run' in semaphore using red flags.

She doesn't have to do what you tell her to do, and you have absolutely no right to demand it. She is not your property.

This relationship will go nowhere. End it now for both your sakes.

I've explained it's a boundary for me. She totally has her right to do as she pleases. You're 10000pc correct, I don't have to accept it. To be clear.

To be honest, she sounds like a walking red flag but you're yet to say anything about why you were attracted to her in the first place or indeed any redeeming features whatsoever. I'm fact, it sounds like you don't really even like her. So, given that, I'd say theres not even a question here is there?!

Sounds like she’s dropped the rope or is soon going to? She’s losing interest.

Get out now before you get more sucked into the circus of her life. It’s not for you. 🚩🚩

I don’t necessarily agree with this. Some people have a strong connection. Things may not have worked out between them ‘romantically’ but they may remain friends and/or dip in and out each others’ lives if that connection remains strong in comparison to their connection(s) with others.

The danger time (for someone in the OP’s position) comes though if they both become single at a similar time and reconnect as anyone new may not get much of a look in.

Eh? What’s wrong with that? I’ve got a few male friends I shagged when we in our late teens and early 20s. I still see them now and then. They’re friends with my DP too. How is this a red flag?

She's incredibly funny, and we do get along well, one of the only times I rarely let my guard down since my divorce several years ago. We have had some fantastic dates and trips, the romance between us has been pretty electric till the last few weeks where her life bin fire has started to flare up somewhat and the ex's have started to become more into the relationship.

I've not really dated much as I have trust issues with the way my marriage broke down, and it's taken a hell of an effort to get over that.

Nor should she. This is deeply controlling. You can end the relationship but you cannot tell her to stop seeing people.

She shagged them when she was married though.