To up and leave with the kids?

[BeLoudMintHam]

this is a long story….

i currently live in Scotland I moved here in 2020 to be with my boyfriend and left my family in England, we very quickly fell pregnant and now have 3 children 5,4,3 my eldest is diagnosed autistic pre verbal and my second child has suspected ADHD and honestly my boyfriend is useless. We live in a very small village his family are 20/30 minutes away we never see anyone have no friends and I only leave the house for an appointment or taking my kids to nursery he recently lost his job and sleeps all day till 1-2pm doesn’t help with cleaning and doesn’t really parent the kids I have it all on my shoulders I recently started taking each child to go see my family for a week and he does it all fine by himself but the minute I come back he goes straight back to how he was and he’s so miserable gets extremely grumpy very quickly.

I am just miserable honestly. I’ve told him before we should break up and he can move in with his mother and have the kids every week his response is that I would need to call the police to get him out he knows I won’t do this as I am petrified of social services not for any particular reason I just hear so many stories about them…. Am I over reacting to take my kids and go back to England to live near my family? I don’t love him anymore and am extremely depressed/suicidal thoughts

please be kind I have no one else to talk to about this

Go home to the love of your family. Life can only improve.
He won't change.

Well you’re not married
any assets? Who owns your house
id be tempted to leave in your circs and get some family support
take your boyfriend to CMA although if he’s not working right now, not sure what he’d contribute
he sounds awful and you sound exhausted

would your family be able to house you? Do you work
i think the first step is speaking to your family and understanding if you can stay with them
get settled and then look at finding work and support for your kids
if your family are supportive you can do this

What happens when you move back home, can you afford to get and furnish a house there? Will family help? How will you manage custody of the kids?

Only you know the real situation OP.
If you feel like you need validation to go I give it you. You can end a relationship for any reason OP.
If you have the means and safe passage take it. Figure out yhe finer details later.
I hope you can find happiness again 💐

This

Children have the right to contact with both parents, as the parent who moved away it would be your responsibility to transport them to their father.

He could get a preventative steps order to prevent them being moved away, although he doesn't sound like the most intelligent, dynamic man.

Who owns the house/ are you both unemployed? How would you afford everything?

What is your current house if situation? Rented? Joint owned?

I think moving back to England to be near your family sounds like the best plan. Even if you got to stay in your current home it sounds very isolating and not much of a life.

If the house is in your name don’t be afraid to call the police. And certainly don’t be afraid of social services. They are not going to remove your children in fact based on my experience of supporting families with SS involvement you wont even call on their radar and even if you did I doubt it would go anywhere.

Would he seek legal steps to stop you moving the kids away?

No assets it’s a council house I know if I rang my mum her and my dad would come get me and them in a heartbeat

That said you probably need legal advice on moving your children from Scotland to England.

Who is named on the tenancy?

Take the children and go visit your family for a few weeks without telling him you are leaving for good. you can take that time to see how living with them would work and how you can best proceed, then make your decision.

Do you think he would take legal action if you went back to england with them to try to force you to move back or do you think he is more likely to do nothing?

My family would definitely put us up and help us out even if it was a bit of a squeeze I’m currently not working and where we are jobs are far and few between

Are you both on the tenancy?

I really don’t know what he would do I do think his mum would maybe try and get him not to get legal involved as she knows what he’s been like I’m very honest with her about him when I do see her every so often and she sympathises with me but doesn’t say anything to him because of how moody he is

What about custody of the kids? How would you get them back regularly to see their dad?

She would only have if it’s court ordered and it sounds like he can’t be bothered day to day with his own kids so I wouldn’t put much hope in him pursuing a court order.

Call your parents to pick you and the children up. Go home where you have support and apply for social housing in England. With three DC hopefully you’ll be prioritised and you can start to rebuild your life with some support. Selfish, useless men never change and in a years time you will look back and be glad you did it. Go before your mental health deteriorates further.

Not sure it's a great idea for people to be encouraging a poster to move their kids away from their other parent, to a different country.

@ Tokittyornottokitty What about custody of the kids? How would you get them back regularly to see their dad?

Dad is not that interested , he stays in bed til 2pm and lets OP do everything. Let him make the effort if he can be bothered. The OP is having suicidal thoughts, she needs to put herself first.

The test run sounds good. Pack up what you can and say you are taking all the kids to visit grandparents for 2 weeks. See how that works out and while you are there check out housing and jobs. Do you drive?

It’s not just about legality, choosing to cut their non-abusive father out of their lives is a big deal. And there is a risk he will go for custody and get access which OP would have to help facilitate so I do think it’s worth considering

He could take legal action and compel OP to return the children to Scotland. Do you think he would do that OP? Or would he not be that bothered?

I’m really not sure I think he loves our kids but I do believe he wants the single childless life back we have the same conversation over and over again me telling him I think we’d be better apart and he could have the kids every weekend him asking me what he needs to change me telling him then him saying “of course you don’t have to change anything” so i ask him what I need to work on and he can never answer I’ve asked him if he loves me he says yes but I truly believe he doesn’t and says yes because he doesn’t want to be a separated family like he was