Would you accept this money?

[money26]

I live alone and am sort of seeing a guy (it’s complicated) for a while, we’ve known each other a long time
he earns more than me and is living with his parent while he saves to buy a house (I already own)
his parent won’t allow visitors so he always comes to mine on average twice a week. He’s said as I cook, he uses my hot water for showers, drinks out the fridge, snacks, food etc he feels like he should pay something towards things and has offered £100pm

I cook usually as I enjoy it but if we get a takeaway he pays and will bring sweets/chocolate for me

I feel £100pm is too much, he says he doesn’t want to be a drain on me

Accept the £100. Upgrade to fancier recipes to cook occasionally if you fancy it. I hope you have at least visited his house and met parent.

I'd probably prefer it if he contributed in a way that lightens my load a bit, rather than just handing over cash, but yes he should be contributing. If you're "sort of" seeing him, I don't think I'd want a formal monthly arrangement. My BF is in a similar position and recognises he benefits from my labour as well as my money, so he will e.g. bring dinner and help with the garden.

£25 pw is not too much if you're feeding him a few times.

Red flag. Get rid.

I know it’s not the point if this thread, but does he have an older brother?

A man with self respect and dignity. How refreshing

That's only about £12.50 per visit, so not a huge amount in the scheme of things. Equivalent to a bottle of wine or a couple of pints.

Honestly I would be a little bit concerned about this but maybe I’m too cynical.

I’d be concerned that he is trying to buy his way into your home.

Lots of people have to live back with their parents but sometimes this can be a sign of not being able to live alone.

I would accept it (or ask for a smaller amount) but be mindful of his intentions.

How long has he been separated from his ex?

Why not just do the weekly shop together and split the cost . . .

So he visits twice a week and pays for takeaway? No, I don’t think he needs to contribute anything else. If the situation was reversed how many people would think they should pay a boyfriend they stayed with twice a week? If he was there 4 nights a week or more then yes, at that point it would be reasonable. It’s thoughtful of him to offer, but also quite odd, as is the fact he says his parents forbid visitors. Are you sure he’s not hiding something?

I think that you e found yourself a really decent bloke, there could be many reasons he can’t have guests at his parents house so by, staying with you each weekend it gives you time together.
if that wasn’t possible you’d perhaps have to stay in a hotel or something, so it’s really comfortable that he can stay at yours.
He doesn’t want to take advantage of your hospitality and wants to pay towards it so it’s the start of a ‘serious’ element to your relationship that you both share the costs.

He’s not married, I’ve known him since 2012. It was an unfortunate set of circumstances where he ended up living back at home which I won’t go into as it is too outing. He was never allowed even as a child

His last relationship was around 5 years ago

No I wouldn’t, I’d appreciate the offer but tell him to spend it on taking me out :)

Travelling yes - not long distance but he does live around 45 mins from me so fuel when he drives over

He sounds really kind and considerate - I’d accept but then use the money to maybe buy nice ingredients to cook and a nice bottle of wine maybe.

100% positive. I’ve known him as a friend prior to this

When I used to travel to my bfs he’d want to pay for everything as he said I’m the one doing the travelling.

Obviously it’s completely up to you how much you take but I wouldn’t want to go to his with his parents there and so I’d think it was pretty even cost-wise.

As a PP said, why not go shopping together and split the cost or split the takeaway etc.

100%

Ok but it's not acceptable to live that way as an adult. How can he expect to conduct grown up relationships when he literally cannot have a partner or friend inside his home ever?

It’s not my issue to question though, that’s between him and his parent. It is part of the reason why he wants to move out but at present he has to stick by her rules while he’s at home
I can’t get wound up over something I can’t change

He's the opposite of a cocklodger and sounds rather wonderful. Accept gracefully.

I was actually going to say the same thing. Tell him you’ll take it, but that you’ll be putting it aside for something together, like a holiday etc

Agree!

It's really thoughtful of him.

If you don't actually need the money why don't you save it and use it for a treat for you both when it builds up, a little break away or wedding fund, or whatever you both enjoy.

£23 is not a lot.
and you could sometimes make a better meal than a cheap one .