How do men forget you so easily?

[Tinkerbell98]

How do men say they love you and can’t live without you one day then agree to break up and go no contact the next so easily? Surely if you love someone and were with them for years how can you suddenly go from that to being fine not speaking to them again? How do they stop themselves from calling you? I don’t get how they can shift emotions that fast and manage to control themselves that easily? If anyone knows how they do they please share. Also if anyone has any tips on how to maintain no contact please share too. It’s so hard I don’t know how men manage and forget you like you never existed

I actually think this is a sign that they have good strong boundaries.

In their mind, the relationship is over so they stop contact with you and move on and there's not really anything wrong with that.

You'll start to feel better soon.

They are focused on their selves at all times. They say what they think you want to hear. How to maintain no contact - don’t let them win. Take back control. Chuck them in the fuck it bucket and move on. Trying to understand them in no way to move on. It is a pointless exercise. You don’t need to understand, you need to help yourself by accepting their decision, and rebuilding.

I agree.

They're not a different species.

It’s hard OP - but I have had relationships where I just wanted to move forward and not have anything else to do with that person once I knew it was over.

Men I think generally wrap less of themselves into a relationship in any case - they tend to prioritise career and activities more than we do (certainly when younger, think we get older and wiser…)

They're better at compartmentalizing I've found with my husband and three adult sons. Whose partners complain to me sometimes.

My eldest said years it is like white noise he just tunes out. Whether it be at home or in the office.

I've become like this after a lifetime of living around them I used to be much more emotionally thin skinned. My DIL said to me recently that I was very chilled.

ive often thought that maybe men don't fall in love quite as deeply as women do and thats why they find it easier to just forget and move on. 🤷‍♀️

Yes I believe it’s compartmentalisation and also to a large degree they simply don’t feel love or attachment in the way that women do.

There is something different though.
Yes we are the same species but our biology is very different. Bound to impact their emotional reactions and behaviour.

Just understand they aren’t thinking about it the way you are. It’s not personal.

💯

Thanks for the responses. I mean it makes sense for a man that wasn’t serious/invested in the relationship but for the ones that chased you, gave a lot of love and attention etc it seems so strange that they can flip a switch on their emotions in 1 day

I have found that men seem to fall in love very suddenly and intensely but can fall out of love too just as quickly and completely. It baffles me a bit because it takes a while for my feelings to grow, and subside.

A lot of men just want sex. Once they get bored with the sex or someone else comes along offering sex they jump ship quite easily.

If they do the dumping they get over you in a flash. If you do the dumping they don’t!

Where shall I start? I could write an entire chapter to you.

Invariably they have someone on the back burner to distract them. Might not be obvious when the break first occurs but the “distraction” suddenly appears when the dust settles a bit. This is how they are able to move on quickly in lots of cases.

Some of them are avoidant. They don’t want to face up to anything so they shut you down.

There’s plenty of guidance and advice on Instagram and Facebook. Some better than others, some lighthearted and others more serious.

Pop over there and take a look. For example “Dad hugsforyoursoul” is a good place to start on Insta. A chap called Harry is kind and helpful in making sense of a breakup.

You might find others who will help you get through the angst and sense of betrayal. It’s like a bereavement.

As far as maintaining no contact, just shut down and block all points of contact. Do not stalk him on social media. It just opens the wound again. Distract yourself every single time you feel like looking. Don’t allow yourself to go looking for them to comfort you… they’ve moved on and you’ll feel so hurt. There’s no comfort there. It’s over.

Move towards accepting that albeit it might take absolutely ages and ages there’s no time limit on mourning the loss of a relationship. Folk who tell you to “move on” haven’t got a clue. But you must keep on keeping on. One day at a time.

Big hug. Stay strong. 💐

Yes there’s something called the avoidant discard too. Many men are dismissive or fearful avoidant.

Research shows that men actually take longer to get over a breakup than women. Women feel the emotions more intensely, but it means that they fully process it and recover more quickly than men.

Obviously it’s different if the men didn’t have any deep feelings in the first place.

How do men say they love you and can’t live without you one day then agree to break up and go no contact the next so easily?

Plenty to unpack here. “Agree” sounds like it was you who instigated the breakup?

They did all that for sex. When they’re bored with the sex, or fancy a change, they don’t have to do it any more.

I’ve always found it interesting that men are far more likely to marry again after the death of a spouse, even if they were totally devoted to their first wife.

I don't think they do.
I mean some do, obviously, but plenty don't judging by many of the posts on this forum.
Conversely, plenty of women do the same.

Because they want someone to serve them
House, sex, food
Its as simple as that
Women only remarry if they are not financially secure
If mine dies or leaves me I would never bother with men again

Because they love chasing and fantasy. Once they have something and reality sets in they drop it for the next dopamine hit like kids with toys. There are evolved men out there, but most are tall children.

@Mycatsfeetsmell I agree but would add loveliness hits men hard or it did for my DF. He decluttered ruthlessly, could cook, had a cleaner, but he needed someone to be with. Imo women are better at independent living.

Its true that men are from Mars and women are from Venus.

Men notoriously bottle their emotions up and don't talk about their feelings.

*loneliness!