worried it will never happen again for me now

[GoldCube]

i really miss sex it’s been 10 years since i’ve actually had any. i’m only what i would call “young” to be living a sexless life (just turned 38 a week ago) im at the point where im starting to think it will never happen again now. being a lone parent meant i got absolutely zero time for myself meaning i was unable to date for many years, now they are older but they still don’t really leave the house or go anywhere and i never wanted to sneak someone in whilst they were at school (nothing against casual sex but it just isn’t for me) im at the point where i feel like it will never happen again now. i don’t trust men, im worried about sleeping with someone and being ghosted after, i don’t think i would be able to cope with that after going so long without, i hear so many stories of that and i just puts me off, i wish i had a decent male friend or ex that i trust that i could suggest the idea to but sadly there is no one! im now starting to think it will never happen again because my lack of trust in men i really wish i hadn’t left it so long. is there something wrong with me? has anyone ever felt this way?

You are missing the point. It is easier to meet people online because guys at your hobbies aren't wearing signs saying "single and looking". However, if my partner told me that all he does is works and looks after his kids, I don't think we would have very much to talk about after initially meeting online. I absolutely don't think there is anything wrong with working and looking after your kids and I appreciate hobby logistics are not great in this situation. I just don't think these would be engaging topics to discuss when dating and so unlikely to lead to any meaningful connections.
As it stands, we have shared hobbies and it even turned out we did the very same activity course a couple of months apart so there was a real chance of us meeting in "the wild" some years prior.

I have hobbies they are just indoor hobbies

By "indoor" do you mean based at home in solitude?

i’ve already explained that ive been a lone parent for the last 10 years, that’s normal for a lot of lone parents who dont have support and have their kids full time. think some people are missing that.

most lone parents dont have free time for hobbies out of the house because they have no one to watch their children so yes i found hobbies to enjoy at home

I had Saturday daytimes free, every other weekend, 10 til 3 for years. Thats it.
So most of my initial first, second, third dates etc were done on saturday daytimes.
If things were progressing my friends would offer to have the children for a few hours on an evening.
Like I say I didnt get "far" on online dating nothing got serious.

My DP i met in RL, he wasnt a "stranger" so to speak so I was more comfortable having him over when the children were asleep, this was after a good few months of dating and id seen his effort levels, his intentions etc. He wasnt after a quick shag so to speak. We'd watch a film, and eat or game or whatever, no activity that i wouldnt mind them walking in on if they had a nightmare etc and as I have male friends anyways that theyve met they wouldnt think it unusual if they did come downstairs and I would have just introduced him as a friend. That didnt happen though and they met much much further down the line, 8 months ish in he came bowling with us. A very gentle introduction.

I would not have felt comfortable having an online date in my house til waaaay past the 6 month mark or more so that would have made things much more difficult yes, but if its the right person for you they will move heaven and earth to be with you and understand your circumstances.

And hobbies, well some of mine are in the house, but i really enjoyed the gym and classes, I would go when the kids are at school, or after work before I picked them up, there are free clubs at the schools after school so I used to utilise them for a bit of "me time"
There is always a way around things.

Phew cos I love both 😂😂

I have no days free at all, there are some free school clubs but having boys and girls they aren’t at them at the same time so DS will have football dd dance that kind of thing not same days

How did you meet? Asking for a friend. 😁

Through mutual hobby friends.
No desire for relationship we just got talking and he was nice.

Aw. That’s nice. ☺️

I don’t know anyone who does that stuff either and I know people from different income brackets. People just work, go home and watch tv, go out sometimes with family/friends.
Best place is the apps OP, I’ve had amazing fwb and relationships from it.

Thank you, im glad someone is saying the same, i genuinely dont know anyone who goes to hobby groups, it’s working all week then weekends is spent with family, friends, partners, cinema, going for a drink, restaurants, I don’t know anyone that attends an organised hobby or has met a partner at one.

But if u have no free time at all, what is the point of chatting on apps anyway?

That is what people do in their free time, spend it with partners?

Believe in yourself. It will happen again x

It sounds like your trust issues are more the result of what you imagine will happen than anything real. The idea of “trusting men” is silly, do you trust or distrust groups of people? Would you given any random women access to your bank account? You trust individuals anyone who says you should trust or distrust people based upon member ship of a group is not looking out for you.

If you understand men and that they will be far more likely to want casual than you would be then that is sensible. Knowing that OLD will filter for people who have not sustained a relationship is helpful.

Right now it sounds like you need a wider group of platonic relationships, men and women who have a healthier outlook on people. That may allow you to meet men through them who are what you are looking for. 38 is nothing, don’t worry about that.

No not just what I think would happen, before kids I never had a relationship apart from my children’s father, all men used me for sex and didnt want a relationship but maybe im the problem!

I think given your situation, it’s best to be patient. You may have to get yourself out there and be a bit proactive. You may also have to take a bit of a risk in getting to know someone and build up your trust.

Yes, lots of men just want sex but many are also looking for something more, even if that’s not a full blown relationship.

Good luck.

I was afraid of getting ghosted after sex in my 20s, then realised I has few sex nights with guys with whom I didn't fall in love....and felt 0 whether they called after that or not....When I dated my one and only husband at the age of 33, I initiated immediate sex but he was a very gentlemanly ...and then we got together, having sex from the first night....many things are a mindset

let me say....I dated few other men alongside my husband and got ick from just seeing them or a behaviour displayed....I was not big on one night stands or casual sex...but with some men I could not resist it....

I suggest you date online if you want, but be upfront, I was upfront: I made a post in the app < it was meetic yahoo at the time and it really had good guys ), that I am looking for a serious relationship, to get married and to have children.

I was contacted by few nice guys with whom I met. Only one asked in the app before meeting me: do you sleep on a first date? , which I ignored.

in your case I would put it as it is: I am single mother of 2 children and quite busy but looking for a long term relationship and I want it based on mutual liking, respect and compatibility. I am not after casual sex but I like sex, so am not asexual....I would love to meet a man with a humble, serious, polite, considerate and respectful personality....

It sounds like how you allow people to treat you is an issue. You need a better screening process to eliminate men who will not treat you well early. I think that only ever really works by other people helping you, giving their judgements on people.

yeah i know i put up with a lot of crap when younger tbh i know that was my issue