worried it will never happen again for me now

[GoldCube]

i really miss sex it’s been 10 years since i’ve actually had any. i’m only what i would call “young” to be living a sexless life (just turned 38 a week ago) im at the point where im starting to think it will never happen again now. being a lone parent meant i got absolutely zero time for myself meaning i was unable to date for many years, now they are older but they still don’t really leave the house or go anywhere and i never wanted to sneak someone in whilst they were at school (nothing against casual sex but it just isn’t for me) im at the point where i feel like it will never happen again now. i don’t trust men, im worried about sleeping with someone and being ghosted after, i don’t think i would be able to cope with that after going so long without, i hear so many stories of that and i just puts me off, i wish i had a decent male friend or ex that i trust that i could suggest the idea to but sadly there is no one! im now starting to think it will never happen again because my lack of trust in men i really wish i hadn’t left it so long. is there something wrong with me? has anyone ever felt this way?

@GoldCube - if you read back through your posts, you will see that you are ruling out every possible means of meeting a man and becoming comfortable with a man that people are suggesting. Sex and a relationship will not happen for you if proceed with such a negative mindset. It wouldn’t happen for any of us in those circumstances. It’s perfectly right and fair for you to have your boundaries around this, but if you read your own posts back to yourself, you might notice that you are building walls not boundaries.

Okay, but that’s the past. Presumably it’s no longer the case, since otherwise you’re not really ready for dating anyway.

No, you’ve made it clear that you have a cultural aversion to hobby groups, which is fine if you’re happy to take the online dating route — but you don’t seem to be. Honestly, this intransigence is probably a red flag for many potential romantic partners.

no i’m fine to use online dating that’s how i met my ex, i just hear so many people slating it so wondered if it got worse over the last 16/17 years since i used it.

I understand op. Im older than you and didnt have a relationship for 4 years after my marriage ended. I ended up having a fwb for little while (which was no.good for me), then a ONS, then felt able to be in relationship. That has sadly now ended and I feel like I wont meet anyone else now as I feel like ive tried. But i also know I am more sociable than I thought I was and so I will try in time to build up my social scene again. Start by saying yes to offers if people ask you to things etc. You never know where it may lead

@GoldCube - i know of online dating successes (and failures). But nothing is risk free. You cannot completely rule out the possibility of romantic disappointment except by opting out altogether but, as you have noted, that means opting out of all the potential positives also.

Having a sex life doesn't also preclude you from having a cup of tea!
You can have both.

😂

You’ll have to address the trust issues as otherwise you’ll be going on dates just worrying if they’re decent or if they’ll ghost you and that’s not great for you or for him. If it’s purely the length of time then it is just a case of getting back out there but if there are other issues there then you need to think about what they are and what you can do about them? Dating is always a bit scary after a long break but also lots of people in the same situation. I know you hear a lot of the negative when it comes to dating but there are plenty of nice men out there. It can just be a bit of a numbers game to find a really good match for you! Also the options are not perfect match or ghosted, lots in between to help ease you back in!

You might meet someone at the petrol station.
There's a guy going round asking women if they need a hand filling up as his chat up line.
😂

• seriously though. You will meet someone. Plenty of time.

X

i think my trust issues are just from cutting myself off from men completely for so long, also some past experiences as i said ive only had one relationship and other men i met in the past only wanted sex but maybe thats just my experience

FWIW I know of plenty of women older than you who have found love and/or sex again after long marriages.
I can think of five in particular who separated aged about 45 - 50.
One had a lot of casual sex meets from apps and has now settled with a bloke.
Another has enjoyed casual sex with much younger men.
Another has just met a new man and is enjoying her relationship and new sex life.
Another was with a man who she said was great in bed but they are not quite gelling.
Another is single and kind of desperate to meet someone/have sex but is perpetually single for some reason.
No reason why you can't find what you want when you are only 38.

Find your spot to date again. Hold onto love everyday.

Can I give you my two-cents worth? My single 40s had 100% focus on kids, and it just was not my time. Was it a wasted decade? Absolutely not. If you don’t have a vibrator, buy yourself one. Don’t feel you have to join hobby groups in the grim pursuit of a msn who might vaguely appeal tk you. Don’t expect friends to introduce you to the last desirable single baggage-free man on earth. I am just out of an … eight-year dry spell. Keep your radar on, but mind your precious heart.

thank you, yeah i just dont see myself finding a man at a hobby group i imagine most hobby groups are mainly dominated by women (unless sports related and im really not sporty at all and not going to fake it) so any attractive men there will have the pick of them women i just think OLD opens up more options.

The point is not to take up a hobby where you will meet a man, but find things to do that you do enjoy even if they are all women because you will make friends and have a fuller and happier life and get invited to things / where you may meet a man in natural circumstances.
Far more likelu to meet a man when you are busy and happy,
If you really are interested in nothing at all you are are not going to be an interesting date.

Pretty accurate - one thing (hobby group) can lead to another (party invite) which makes meeting all sorts of people much more likely.

Yes and nice women friends may well have nice male cousins/brothers/brothers in law/ neighbours etc

You are way better off meeting someone in the wild than online.

I was you, but older, spent years raising children but I worked on my issues from a past relationship amd got to a point where I did online dating. It was fine, no odd balls but no huge success either (lots of nice guys, nice dates but no real chemistry).

I was happy single, busy with friends, children, hobbies (yes you need hobbies! What are you passionate about?! Your posts arent passionate - what makes you YOU....what makes you tick?)

In amongst all this i met my amazing DP in real life, not looking, neither was he but we just clicked, in a friendly way at first, lots of chat, I really liked his voice, the conversations, we had things in common (you know - hobbies!) and after about a month of chatting I suddenly thought oh I fancy him! I had no idea how he felt (he didnt flirt) but then he asked if I wanted to go out somewhere (didnt even use the term date) but my god the effort he put in to this meet up was insane and by the end of the date that was it - its been bliss ever since for over 2 years.....

I am older than you, and have 2 children and it happened for me - but you need to know yourself, love yourself and leave yoir issues behind (not easy i know) or you wont get anywhere

you must have had support with your children in order to have hobbies and see friends (without them) though thats not something ive had over the years! ive never had a night to myself in 10 years

if hobbies are such an easy way to meet men then why do the majority of people meet their partners online? i dont mind meeting someone online feel like this has turned into a different thread now 🤣

@GoldCube if you're going to try online dating be very clear what you want. You can't guarantee they won't turn into an arsehole, but meeting someone in person doesn't either.
You could maybe do an evening college course if you don't fancy hobby groups, learn a new skill while you're at it. Some places do plastering courses for example.

Any particular reason why you can't employ a babysitter?
Don't be a martyr to your kids.

i wouldnt hire someone i didnt already know, not being a martyr just not something id do.

thanks

It is obviously a lot less effort to scroll through profiles than actually going out and meeting people, so people think it’s s quick short cut.
But you’ll meet similar low/effort men on OLD.
So ostensibly a wider choice, but lower quality.