Ghosting!

[Gershep22]

Quick survey…
How many days in your opinion need to pass between a message/call etc before it’s a clear not interested sign?!
This is following date 2. A “sleep over” at his house on Wed night. Heard from him Thurs morning and again on Fri morning. Zero since… It’s Monday.

Have you contacted him since Thursday morning?

Yes. He messaged me first on Fri to say he was feeling unwell. I replied. He’s read my messages but not responded. The last one I sent was Sat pm.

He told me with his ex he’d just sit in silence. With me, we talked til 2am. He said he wasn’t used to it and wondering if that’s normal. He said it wasn’t a criticism just got him wondering which was right. It was a work day so I understand tiredness but I’m a bit worried as I slept with him and wondering if he’s bored!

If he wanted you, he would...........sorry I learned the hard way too x

once I noticed he wasn’t responding I stopped messaging so the last he heard from me was Sat. I’m nervous. I know it was only date 2 but I liked him! I’m not used to online dating so just wondered what the general time limit is!!

Yep that’s what I think…

He said he was unwell so he may be taking the weekend to recover. On the other hand, he may have been laying the groundwork for not being in touch with you over the weekend. After all, did he seem ill when you were together on the Wednesday night?

Like others, I'm speaking from experience (and assuming you both have jobs which mean you are generally free at weekend). Overall, it feels like a bad sign that he was up for a second date and sex mid-week but hasn't attempted to see or even contact you over the weekend.

I'm late 50s and have been out of the dating game for 25+ years so things may have changed, but my experience has always been that men who are sufficiently interested and available don't mess about - they get you booked in.

Hopefully the sex was good and you at least had some fun!

Does he have kids?

My immediate instinct is this is a bit early this tell, it has only been a few days and he texted you twice after you slept together. It could mean he's not interested, but not everyone goes for every day texting - I really don't, I'm way too busy, it doesn't mean I'm not interested though.

What was your Saturday text?

If you slept with him on date two and then he went silent I think you have all the answers you need.

Having being ghosted lots myself, I would say yes he's ghosting you, if he was texting lots and now nothing after 3 days and sex. Sorry.

Yes nothing since Friday. I’ve tried sending him nice messages and last night a photo but he hasn’t viewed it or opened it.
ugh… this is twice now. Each time it’s been after second date. Is this common?

I was tentatively dating a man who I met in the wild not online, and he messaged me that he was ill. I was really sympathetic and lovely (makes me cringe now) but I found out he was with another woman. What's worse was that he was seeing her before he met me, so I was actually the other woman.
He would ghost me for a few days while he was with her, then come to me saying he'd been busy with work, and be full on again. Men huh.
I wouldn't tolerate any hint of ghosting now.

if its happened twice now, maybe get to know them a bit more before sex? not saying youve done anything wrong, just hold off on the sex a bit longer.

He lost interest, sorry OP. My ex SIL was online dating and ghosted several times by seemingly interested men who went silent after they got what they wanted. The thrill of the chase. The worst was when (she discovered later) he ghosted her then reappeared weeks later when his wife threw him out. He was planning to take SIL out for Valentines day and then suddenly he had to work that night. His wife had taken him back.

Exactly but I don’t do coffee. I also don’t like walking or trekking a mountain and I don’t have a dog for a casual walk. I used to live in a city where a meal/drink and taxi home was ok but now I live remote so my dates are an hours drive away.

i sent him a photo last night. I can see he’s opened it today so I’ll see…. This is Rediculous. I feel like a teenager! 🤣

Sorry to hear that, Gershep. Honestly it sounds like he has lost interest and he doesn't sound worth pursuing (been there, got that particular t-shirt etc but at least it was in a pre-social media world).

I'm probably being a bit literal but you seem to suggest in your latest post that you have to have sex on a second date because you don't drink coffee and you don't want to go on walks. You could still go out for a non-caffeinated or non-alcoholic drink or dinner or cinema - there are so many possible activities - you don't have to go to bed with a guy just because you can't immediately think of something else to do. I mean it's fine to if you want to (and, in fact, I slept with now DH on the second date) but it sounds like you don't like where early sex leaves you in the scheme of things.

How ill was he, could he be dead, that could be an either way ghosting?

I had a lovely weekend with a bloke I was dating, text to say he was unwell and was going to hospital, text to say he was home then never heard from him again.. thought he might’ve turned into an actual ghost then he reappeared on the apps… twatty behaviour!

If you hadn't had sex, I don't think you'd have been as upset, and wouldn't be writing on a forum. You'd just have shrugged your shoulders about a normal OLD experience where there are more failures than successes.

Also dangerous to go to a stranger's home on only the 2nd meet. I guy I met from OLD seemed totally normal on the first meet. The 2nd time we went out, I found out he was bat-crap crazy.

Also better to keep the first few dates short and then build the time you're together. Going straight to sex is spending too much time together too soon, especially when it involves spending the night. The too much too soon, which is not the normal pace of dating early on, can sometimes ruin what could've worked otherwise.

It's up to you if you're okay giving the gift of your body to someone you don't yet know is worthy of that gift. No guarantees of how things will pan out, but it's a safer bet that if a guy has the patience to wait and put in effort on numerous dates before sex happens, then he might not be a player.

"It's up to you if you're okay giving the gift of your body to someone you don't yet know is worthy of that gift. No guarantees of how things will pan out, but it's a safer bet that if a guy has the patience to wait and put in effort on numerous dates before sex happens, then he might not be a player."

@ScorpionLioness79 - this is so beautifully put and such a succinct and pertinent message. I feel like this should be at the start of every self-help book on relationships!

I wouldn't have texted him last night. I would have let the last communication between us be the text on Saturday. He has your number if he wants to contact you. Don't contact him again.

Ahahahaha! 🤣

Yes, you’re right. I am not going to reach out to him. As another poster said, he could have someone else, he could have lost interest. At least life goes on!

Wonderful! ❤️

Ah I'm sorry...so many of these men just have toooo much choice. They get bored and move to the next one. You are well rid babe