Why am I jealous of my wife's reading material?

[Soggyshoe]

Why am I jealous that my wife reads smut? Well she watches tv shows based on smut books, reads them and has the audiobook app. I've read on the Internet that its escapism and that it should be a good thing, that her fantasies may work there way into our intimacy, but here's the kicker. We havent had intimacy in 4+ years. Only twice since our 6yr old was conceived. When I try to bring up my concerns, im told she doesnt want to talk about it. She tells me she has zero libido, or desire to have sex. So how can she love everything about sex apart from the actual act. At this point it must be me, i feel so deflated. All opinions welcome and any help appreciated.

Look I find it hard to say what to do next because I haven’t experienced beimg in your situation. I’ve experienced being in your DW position.

You beimg jealous is YOU problem. Only you can solve that. Your DW cannot be held responsible for your emotions.
Many ways to deal with jealousy. Some if which are basically what you did - know that reading erotica has nothing to do with you, your relationship, how she feels about you or her lack of libido.
CBT type of techniques could work so you’re not spiralling each time you’re thinking about her reading (or you see her etc…)

More to the point would be to investigate why you’re concentrating on her reading and the jealousy about those books rather than the fact you dint have sex. It’s like your trying to compete with some imaginary characters from the books 😵‍💫😵‍💫
Maybe it’s time to acknowledge that no sex is the issue (I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t be jealous of you two we’re having sex twice a day. If you were, then it really would be a psychotherapist job).
And to look at how to improve your life as a couple.

I noticed that I and others have given you advice and potential reasons on that. Including around emotional intimacy. But you haven’t acknowledged them. It actually sounds like you dint think it’s the issue??
if that is the case, then my advice is go and see a counsellor and work through those feelings of jealousy.

📚 Book Recommendation: Mind the Gap by Dr Karen Gurney
I was recommended this book by a doctor specialising in Women's Health, who strongly advised that both partners read it.
The book explores sexual desire, intimacy and women's sexual wellbeing. It explains how desire can change over time, why women and men may experience intimacy differently, and how stress, hormones, emotional connection and communication can affect relationships.
One of its key messages is that a healthy and fulfilling intimate relationship requires understanding, communication and effort from both partners.
It's not just about sex; it's about understanding each other's needs, challenging misconceptions and building a stronger emotional and physical connection.
She said may be better on audio?

I've just brought the book. Ill read it first and try and approach my wife about it once I've done it. Thanks for the advice

Sorry OP, I don’t have any advice other than what’s already given.

This did make me laugh though…

”I do about 90% of the birthday party's”

90% of birthday parties for a six year old? 😆

Same. Most of the newer releases are generic womens' fiction of a love story with added sauce in parts. There's other books that are more focused on sex but are many women actually using these as masturbation fodder or are they just reading the story? I think there's a difference. Being jealous of a book is pathetic and reflects badly on the OP. Maybe the attraction has gone for her, that's not really her fault. Whether you're both willing to be open and honest and work through it together is the question.

I got the audiobook this morning and have listened to half an hour or so. Not impressed so far by how steeped in Queer Theory it is. In the last bit I listened to she was suggesting that the age of consent is too inflexible. Hopefully it can redeem itself in other areas.