What would you do? No sex but he's masturbating?

[AcrosstheBorder]

New boyfriend, age 45, I'm 38. It's 3 months in and he can't get an erection. He says it isn't me, it's him.

This has happened a few times. He does have some health issues that could be contributing to it, however.

But there's another however. I've been snooping on his Facebook and Instagram. He won't add me on there, he has my FB page. I didn't care as he said he wasn't a big user.

Newsflash... he's following loads of random attractive women. On FB and Instagram and then linking to their YouTube videos as well. They have a specific "look" that I don't.

I've asked him about it and he says I have nothing to worry about, they mean nothing, that he has been single for ages and he just likes that look. He was really ashamed and embarrassed. He said he would do something about it.

Three weeks later and he has added new women. I need to leave, don't I?

I think he may secretly dislike or even despise women.

He did mention that his mother was not very loving towards him, as well as a couple of other things about their relationship, which made me think he has the problem in part due to that.

But... big but..... that isn't my problem to fix. It's his and he either can't or won't so bye bye.

Nothing wrong with masturbating my long term bf often asks me to get him off but he's always super hard so no problem there

This is a different situation though. You are having sex. I wasn't.

Men can now have every fantasy they have ever had played out on a screen in the privacy of their bedroom. No effort required to connect with a person in real life, no limits imposed by another involved person, no judgement on how extreme it can get as long as it stays actually legal age (though many can't manage that), step daughters, interns, powerless women, humiliation, the list is endless and without limit. It's changing the brain chemistry and physiology responses of men and having huge affects on their ability to form healthy mutually consensual relationships.
It's a public health issue and is getting progressively worse.
Young hetrosexual women are increasingly having to facilitate extreme fantasys of men into their sex lives to be able to have a sexual relationship. And then as they get older the men available can't even msintain a sexual relationship because of where their fantasy life took them. It's sad and depressing. Who knows where it ends.

My view is women should not tolerate it whatsoever. No trying to understand, no trying to be sympathetic or looking for reasons, no working through the issues or blaming life events of health. No judging themselves as being unattractive or as being shallow because 'it's only sex and he's a great guy' (he can't get hard because you're not an 18 year old submissive Asian- so maybe not as great as you think anyway).
If he's masturbating to young women and can't or won't have sex with you just move on and don't even try and understand it. It's his problem not yours.