Does he want to see me or not? Is he into me or not?

[Twinkortwee]

Trying to decide if this is a case of a bit of distance work around or just not that into me.

Met through a work event, and randomly gave a mutual friend from primary school days.

We live 2 hours away from each other. We work about 20 mins away from each other but I work from home most days, and he only works from home one day. I regularly need to leave the office on time because of childcare. And I don’t work FT. He works FT and doesn’t have DC.

First date went really well. He was very generous. I really didn’t want to go all out for dinner and be so fancy. He sort of insisted and paid.

Stayed together in a hotel that evening. Sex was great.

Next day, asking if I got home okay. I said I did. Then silence until the next evening saying he had been busy with friends wedding stuff, and was finally relaxing now. I replied how good it was to see him and he said he had a great time. That was it. Silence for a further 3 days. Then a message to wish me happy birthday

Then nothing again. 12 days later, I get a message ‘Hey. When am I seeing you again?’

I said aren’t you going on holiday (he told me he was going to Cuba). He said he was this Sunday, haha.

Sunday rolls around and he sends me a pic of his feet at the airport. Message then said ‘You will have to wait until I get back in 12 days haha’

He is on that holiday still now and uploading a lot to Instagram with his brother and friend tagged in everything. Seems legit that he’s there

What do you think? Is this a slow burn or is he just being playful with me from afar?

I really like him. Tried a date with someone else last week and he just didn’t tick the boxes this guy does

Id want some consitency in communication. Genuine non performative messages and a plan of 'give me some dates you are free' followed by a follow up of 'great, I can make the 12th, shall we meet for a drink?' Or whatever.
But what you have here is inconsistent comms, performative with the odd superficial compliment thrown in. He has laid down the foundation of how he is going to behave.
If thats what you want, fine. But if its not what you want you can either ignore him or sent the same energy texts back ie totally superficial but I doubt he will change his comms style and its not worth your precious time or brain space trying to figure out the reasons why.

Sex is fun, but there's a reason the oxytocin released in a woman during the act has a nickname of "the bonding hormone." It sometimes has the effect of a woman wanting to bond with a man, even if he's not good for her. Maybe why your title is all about what he wants. It's like you've placed him as the driver of the train and you'll just wait around to see wherever he takes you, or doesn't. Sounds like he's just sitting on the tracks. Get in the habit of thinking about what your standards are in dating. It's what's called the vetting period. If you waste time on the losers, better prospects could be passing by with no notice from you.

Especially with the long distance thing, maybe if you'd waited first to see if he put in effort for 3 or 4 outings first without intimacy, then you could've gotten a better sense of if he was truly interested in getting to know you for longterm potential or not. Many players fall away during that time period, not having the patience to put all that effort in. Maybe save the gift of your body to someone who is on the same page as you as far as dating styles go.

2 hours isn't as egregious as longer commutes, but if it's illogical for getting together a few times a week and if one doesn't want to eventually uproot their lives and move, then there's no sense in that match. LDRs that don't begin locally have a very high risk of failure. Too many cons with high expenses combined with abnormal pace for getting together.

It's obviously just casual on his behalf or he would have made an effort to see you again. He hasn't. He's just stringing you along til the next time he wants s shag.

We as a society have our phones connected to our hands pretty much all day every day. We use them to speak to people, for maps, to pay for things in shops, to google any information we need, to check emails and so on. If this man wanted to keep a steady conversation going with you he would. It’s not as if he needs to find a pay phone every time he wants to chat or walk to his local library to log on to their internet to send a message.

A simple sentence nails it. If he wanted to, he would.

You deserve more effort, commitment and respect.

Move on.

It’s just sex for him op, he’s putting no effort in, you know this and are desperately trying ti find other reasons for it,

I am afraid the error was sleeping with him so soon and where did the hotel come in? Was it pre booked.

Yes it does. Won’t matter if you wait til date four/five. They will still not be interested. Most won’t hang around that long though! If you wanted sex it’s fine but you have kids and he doesn’t so he probably us a few women in his phone. He also lives 2 hours away! It was always going to be a long shot.

If you have to ask you know the answer. Even if he does give you breadcrumbs why would you want to be with a guy who makes you question things and whether he likes you or not.

This. He’s thrown some money at it and got what he wanted. You are completely overthinking it. He’s just wanting a bit of fun now.