Is this an opportunistic cheat or a relationship in crisis?

[SomebodyElsesGuy]

Imagine you met a guy on a night out with a friend who you're staying with for a few weeks, got on amazingly well and you give him your friend's number and see each other several times over those two weeks. Dates evening and daytime with lots of kissing but nothing further, not trying it on sexually but obvious chemistry and very hard to say goodbye after dates. Really good dates, really good conversation, progressing as it should. Proper old fashioned dating.

Then he confesses he's in a 6 year old relationship and doesn't know what to do now as this has made him question it. It was excruciatingly painful to make the decision to walk away and not make him decide and both of you are distraught and in tears.

Reasonably young both late 20s, him sort of famous then, didn't recognise him though but knew his name. Still is kind of famous, most people will know the name. Not a footballer or anyone in a band. Really the last person you'd think of as a cheat.

Does this follow the pattern of the opportunistic cheat and is it foolish to think it doesn't, that he wasn't looking for an opportunity to cheat?

He’s a cheat, famous or otherwise.

It was a very long time ago.

What @Greenfingers37 said, you weren’t the first or last

He’s a cheater who love bombed you to make you feel special. The only person who really is special to a cheater is themself.

Sorry if I'm being thick but why would you give him your friend's number?

Staying with her. This was the days before social media or texting.

Ahh ok.

What's making you think about it now, and what does his 'fame' have to do with the situation?

He cheated on his girlfriend of 6 years.

His job is irrelevant.

It wouldn't have mattered about what he did for a job. I didn't know that on the night I met him as we only swapped first names. He told me on the first date what he did, when I asked him what his job was, there was no "don't you know who I am?" shtick, and the penny dropped.

I guess it's a Sliding Doors thing, what if?

Well if he's famous still, are you able to see if he stayed with that partner awhile. If he did, it was an opportunistic cheat. If being with you made him reconsider the relationship he'd have surely ended it with her. If they stayed together years he obviously was talking shite to you.

Yes but his job seems relevant to you in some way?

Otherwise why would you mention it?

He was a cheating shit in a 6 year relationship.

If he drove a bus or worked in an office would you mention his job?

I suppose I mentioned it because of a generalist opinion that men in the public eye or are "all at it", as my friend said at the time. Looking at confirmation bias I guess? Wanting to know he wasn't like that and it was different? Not sure. Wondering what would have happened if I'd told him to choose instead of me deciding. I wouldn't be the other woman.

Well if he chose you, your 'prize' would be a cheating piece of shit that you couldn't trust further than you could throw.

I'd had a fair share of twattish men by that point. So that's what I'm trying to think, is this just another.

Reminiscing and reflecting I suppose. I fell totally for him and though I think I did the right thing it was bloody hard.

It sounds like basic run-of-the mill cheating, unless perhaps he was in an "open" relationship with his then-partner. But it was still shitty of him not to tell you up front that he was in a relationship already. If your question is whether he was a great, upstanding guy who was so overcome by his connection to you that he behaved uncharacteristically - probably not; his lack of transparency when you first met and especially once it was clear you would see each other again in a "date" type of situation suggests he's a bit of an experienced, serial "player".

I did ask if he'd cheated before and he said not but then they do say that. I never thought about open relationships then but I doubt that.

If he’s famous are you able to see if he is still with his partner who he cheated on?

He is. I hope there were no more "mes" and that she never knew.

If he wanted to be with you. He’d have broken off his relationship, spent a bit of time on his own and then started a relationship with you.

A friend of mine met a famous person when she was 18. I guess he was about 8-10 years older. She thought he was amazing….. he was John Leslie.

To be fair, he called my friend a few times leaving messages saying something similar. She once picked up and told him I'd made my choice and she wouldn't give him my number.vI had never given him my home number and we lived 200 miles apart anyway.

I wouldn’t care if he was ‘famous’ or not. He’s still a sleaze. Why think about it now? Pointless

You have to ask if a man who cheated on his partner of 6 years is a twat? 😳

This is beyond silly.

Oh gosh no. It wasn't him thank god or anyone who's an obvious sleaze.

He was/is a cheat and I very much doubt you were the only one. I'm sure he hoped you would work a bit harder to make him choose you but he wasn't prepared to end one relationship until he had another lined up.

You know he could have gone home and finished it and I'd never have known. I once got into a relationship with a different guy who had been single for 10 days!!! He was one who could not be single to save his life.