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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH is a miserable, moody T#*T!

84 replies

Bexter · 30/01/2005 20:15

Am V with DH! OK, so he's got a cold and is 'a bit tired' (BIG WOW - I'm a LOT tired almost every day!). The thing is, when he gets miserable and moody (he acts like Kevin from the Harry Enfield sketches!), he's a real pain in the arse to deal with and ends up taking it out on DD! For instance, tonight I ended up here, in the office, boo-ing my eyes out cos he was 'tired' and therefore in a bad mood and instead of being nice and patient with DD, he ended up shovelling her tea down her throat. Before she had time to swallow, he was in with the next spoon (she's only 5mth! Poor wee thing) then, whilst propped on his knee, he shoved the bottle in her mouth and watched TV, paying her no attention at all. This resulted in milk pouring out of her mouth and soaking her neck! I DARE not say anything cos any time I ask him to do something different or pick him up for the way he's doing something with DD, he goes into a massive sulk about how I am allways, apparently, criticising him and that 'he can't do anything right'. This is not the case - of course, if I think that he's doing something not quite right, I try to tell him in a calm, diplomatic way, so that it can't be misconstrued. I'm at a loss now as, wanting to do the very best for DD results in heartache between me and DH! It's almost like I have to choose and, quite frankly, I shouldn't have to!!

Another example is, unfortunately for him, I am a whizz at getting DD to sleep almost immediately. Tonight she was a bit grumpy (teething and a bit of a cold) and was screaming her head off at bedtime (V V unusual for DD). DH, instead of asking me to take over to get her to sleep, he stubbornly persisted in trying to do it himself which only resulted in DD being unhappy for longer than necessary! It's like he would rather let her cry than ask for my help!

Gosh - I've waffled on a bit!!! Grateful for any comments either way!

OP posts:
Blossomhill · 30/01/2005 22:34

lou - hope you are okay!

lou33 · 30/01/2005 22:36

i'll live

he refused to go fro a drink with me because i looked too good, and he said i had to dress down (from t shirt and jeans) because he wanted to be invisible and not thinking about other men looking at me ffs.

i objected, and this has come about from all that

brinkley · 30/01/2005 22:40

bloody hell - he has got "issues"

that is not a stupid thing - that is a major insecurity on his part

Caligula · 30/01/2005 22:41

At least it's about you looking good - every cloud has a silver lining.

Nothing would be more likely to make me want to get out the brightest lipstick, shortest skirt and highest heels I possess.

pinkdiamond · 30/01/2005 22:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lou33 · 30/01/2005 22:43

i am going to dress up like ann from little britain next time he wants me to go fro a drink

pinkdiamond · 30/01/2005 22:44

This reply has been deleted

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Heathcliffscathy · 30/01/2005 22:48

lou sm said you were hot stuff...dh has jealousy issues????

lou33 · 30/01/2005 22:50

did she? bless my best mate

he has issues, what they are is anyones guess!

Caligula · 30/01/2005 22:52

Who is ann in Little Britain?

lou33 · 30/01/2005 22:56

clip 2

brinkley · 30/01/2005 22:59

lou - it sounds a superficial thing to say - but it is relevant according to the experts ; his issues could be to do with his attractiveness on a level with yours. as the females of the species, we know this is unimportant but even if it is on a deep down subconscious level it is proven that evenly matched looking couples have an easier ride.

lou33 · 30/01/2005 23:01

he said i was unwilling to compromise. I said i dont see why i should have to compromise for what men may possibly be thinking, i wasnt going there with my tits out for all to cop a feel. Or words to that effect

brinkley · 30/01/2005 23:05

does he trust you?

lou33 · 30/01/2005 23:08

he bloody well should do i have been with him nearly 17 years

Caligula · 30/01/2005 23:09

Oh that's who Ann is. I think you'd be better as one of the vomiting WI types.

Or perhaps a burkha might reassure him.

Jeez.

OK, I understand that men have all these insecurities etc., but when they're married to you and have children with you and they're still going on about other men, it does get a little wearing. You've had children with them FGS - what do they think is going to happen if you look good and feel good about yourself?

brinkley · 30/01/2005 23:11

that doesnt necessarily mean he trusts you - depends if you've had any blips (and after 17 years most relationships have)

lou33 · 30/01/2005 23:12

no blips if you are saying what i think you mean

brinkley · 30/01/2005 23:17

well in that case - the boy needs therapy

lou33 · 30/01/2005 23:19

hmmm

well he wont be home tonight now, so will have to see him tomorrow if he gets back

brinkley · 30/01/2005 23:21

presumably this has cropped up before lou - in 17 years. and presumably you have to give in each time.

lou33 · 30/01/2005 23:22

it has

end result varies

lou33 · 30/01/2005 23:24

anyway i am off ot bed now

goodnight, and thnak you for letting me vent

brinkley · 30/01/2005 23:25

have you talked to him about it - when things are calmer - not arguing - and asked him why he feels he has to control how you look. tell him you like to nice for yourself and him - not for joe public.

colditzmum · 30/01/2005 23:28

Jeez! What a knob!!!

Every time my Dp used to walk out on me, I would make a concerted effort not to be there when he got back. It used to knock some of the wind out of his sails!

Can see that you might find it harder to do this though. Give him the toddler treatment if he can't behave like an adult. Don't let him see that his behavior has disrupted your life in any way.

And next time he critasizes the way you have dressed yourself, go out without him, and put red lipstick on!