Escaped a brutal 25 year marriage from a cheating brute and after three years had what I thought was a loving year long relationship with a man who gave me the tender loving intimacy that I had longed for all my life. Except that I got an awful uti that landed me in hospital and which took six months to treat (which he was really cruel about). And except for the fact than he cheated on me with two women while I had the uti.
7 months later I met someone else who seemed to like me (he is 60 and so a bit older than me and has had one ten year relationship but never lived with anyone). He held my hand and seemed sweet intelligent and kind. We have been seeing each other for a little over two months but have not had penetrative sex. Last night he told me that I would be pushed to find a man who would put up with rhis and most women would have done it by now. I said that perhaps he should find someone else. It’s ended.
I feel I have to justify this to you all and so I will. In those two months, there has been sexual intimacy almost every time we have met (once a week). This began from the third date when I told him that I had had a brutal marriage and please would he be gentle with me. I also wanted to know his sexual history and so was v unhappy the next time (fourth date )when he wanted to have penetrative sex. I said no. I wasn’t aroused enough and nervous. In the last month I ended up fracturing a bone in my foot so am wearing one of those medical shoes and also was terrified I had got a uti from the sexual activity so had to have testing for this.
He was not happy with me yesterday because he wants proper sex and “most men” would do also by now he said. He said that I was giving out mixed messages. Is this true? I’m still wearing the medical shoe for my foot.
Just sad about this all. Are there really rules/ expectations for when you do it?