Page 2 | Mil and christmas

Monty36 · 14/09/2026 13:00

I found it quite hard to work out who was going where and why were the plans from two years ago relevant ?
From what I can gather you will see SIL and I assume Brother one evening. And that is it for family.
You will see friends for a bit of time too. Mil has cried as clearly wanted to see something of you over the Xmas period. Is that impossible? Does she wonder if she will ever see anything of her son and family over Christmas ever again ?
You say you are going away. You can see them before or after ?

Original poster

ThisDreamyExpert · 14/09/2026 13:19

crazymommaclub · 14/09/2026 12:39

I think you’re putting your DH in a difficult position for the sake of you wanting to get your way. It seems like your family are around all Christmas and you are pushing back because you MIL would like to see her DS and GC over the Christmas period. Maybe she was a bit ott ringing up in tears but I think your reaction is even more extreme. Why not pick up your brother and give you DH and DC some extra time with their granny and aunt. Personally I think you should pick your battles, this does t seem like a good hill to die on.

no I will see my own sister one evening as well. She also lives far and I also see her once a year.

OP posts:

Madamecholetsbonnet · 14/09/2026 13:24

Your multiple threads about your in-laws make you look rather unhinged tbh.

Tillow4ever · 14/09/2026 16:13

Madamecholetsbonnet · 14/09/2026 13:24

Your multiple threads about your in-laws make you look rather unhinged tbh.

I suspect the OP’s OCD has a lot to do with it all.

TheFormerMrsTruelove · 14/09/2026 21:20

ThisDreamyExpert · 14/09/2026 12:23

Why am I being the one that is hard work?

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Because your MiL is being a little bit of a twat and you’re ready to banish her to the outskirts of beyond.

You’re supposed to love your husband more than you hate his family. Unless you’re about to drip feed some huge back story about how abusive they’ve been to you over the years, then you just need to grow up. Your husband has told her that you won’t be changing your plans and she’s accepted it, so just roll your eyes, take a deep breath and stop allowing your need to be in the right, destroy your relationships with his family. You’ll still be seeing your sister and your brother, nothing is changing.

It’s easy enough to break up a family, with extended family members being genuinely awful and leaving people with no choice but to cut them off. You’re willing to do it for the silliest of reasons.

Tillow4ever · 15/09/2026 09:07

TheFormerMrsTruelove · 14/09/2026 21:20

Because your MiL is being a little bit of a twat and you’re ready to banish her to the outskirts of beyond.

You’re supposed to love your husband more than you hate his family. Unless you’re about to drip feed some huge back story about how abusive they’ve been to you over the years, then you just need to grow up. Your husband has told her that you won’t be changing your plans and she’s accepted it, so just roll your eyes, take a deep breath and stop allowing your need to be in the right, destroy your relationships with his family. You’ll still be seeing your sister and your brother, nothing is changing.

It’s easy enough to break up a family, with extended family members being genuinely awful and leaving people with no choice but to cut them off. You’re willing to do it for the silliest of reasons.

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On previous posts the OP has said her MIL is lovely, and from her own description of things she does for them, it reads that the MIL is extremely generous and loving too. The OP however, wants her to sign a contract with an agreement of rules she wants to impose regarding her children, and I seem to recall done issue around sweets (I seem to remember the MIL gave her son & the OP some sweets for the children to have at a time of their choosing, wasn’t done in front of the kids etc, and still the OP wasn’t happy about this… but it sounds like the issue isn’t that she doesn’t want the kids to have the sweets, it’s around controlling what MIL can or cannot do.

Original poster

ThisDreamyExpert · 15/09/2026 18:00

Tillow4ever · 15/09/2026 09:07

On previous posts the OP has said her MIL is lovely, and from her own description of things she does for them, it reads that the MIL is extremely generous and loving too. The OP however, wants her to sign a contract with an agreement of rules she wants to impose regarding her children, and I seem to recall done issue around sweets (I seem to remember the MIL gave her son & the OP some sweets for the children to have at a time of their choosing, wasn’t done in front of the kids etc, and still the OP wasn’t happy about this… but it sounds like the issue isn’t that she doesn’t want the kids to have the sweets, it’s around controlling what MIL can or cannot do.

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Its more about not wanting her to override our decisions

OP posts:

Tillow4ever · 15/09/2026 19:35

ThisDreamyExpert · 15/09/2026 18:00

Its more about not wanting her to override our decisions

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You’ve overwhelmingly been told that you are being unreasonable on the other posts. You might want to reflect on that.

You have said you have OCD. I suspect this is a symptom of that. If you can’t get it under control you might find one day your husband has enough. You might find you no longer have in laws that are generous and happy to help. And you might find you have teenagers who resent the control you’ve kept them under, and the relationships they’ve missed out on.

I can’t recall if you said you are still in therapy or have had it in the past, but I urge you to explore these feelings with your therapist, you owe it to yourself as much as you do your family - this cannot be a fun way for you to live.

Nearly50omg · 15/09/2026 20:27

You need therapy op

beeble347 · 15/09/2026 20:31

ThisDreamyExpert · 14/09/2026 11:24

also not feeling super giving towards MIL and wanting to compromise if her behaviour is like this.

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I really don't think it's that bad, though tears are a bit guilt-trippy. I'm sure she didn't want you to cancel plans with your sister, just wasn't thinking about you trying to juggle everyone and everything else. Divide and conquer, you go get DB while your DH (and kids?) see MIL and SIL. Or invite them over for breakfast or lunch or something while your DB is also staying - can you see your sister more than one day as well?

Original poster

ThisDreamyExpert · 15/09/2026 21:44

Tillow4ever · 15/09/2026 19:35

You’ve overwhelmingly been told that you are being unreasonable on the other posts. You might want to reflect on that.

You have said you have OCD. I suspect this is a symptom of that. If you can’t get it under control you might find one day your husband has enough. You might find you no longer have in laws that are generous and happy to help. And you might find you have teenagers who resent the control you’ve kept them under, and the relationships they’ve missed out on.

I can’t recall if you said you are still in therapy or have had it in the past, but I urge you to explore these feelings with your therapist, you owe it to yourself as much as you do your family - this cannot be a fun way for you to live.

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Thank you, I am really struggling. Have thought of other ways out and on medication, but often get ‘flare-ups’ of uncontrollable, overwhelming thoughts that create havoc in my life. Therapy has not worked. Have been for years.

OP posts:

seahorsessky · 15/09/2026 21:59

Lobelia123 · 14/09/2026 10:27

Far too much drama over what should be a happy time of year! Stop getting all prickly and offended, and stop feeding the drama. Just accept that its a busy time of year, emotions are running high and everyone wants to see as much of each other as they can, and not everyone is going to get exactly what they want. Do your best, make the most of the time with your SIL, and carry on with your life; its really not worth endlessly analysing your MILs response and trying to read all kinds of judginess and commentary into it. Its just words. Dont engage and start an ongoing resentment. Cheerfully carry on.

Exactly, just be glad you have in-laws that care, and make the most of it. Let yourself be happy.

Specialagentblond · 15/09/2026 22:03

try to get past it, and treat this year as it comes.

harriethoyle · 15/09/2026 22:05

ThisDreamyExpert · 14/09/2026 11:22

Its about the principle for me.

Oh my goodness, just GROW UP. You sound utterly insufferable.

Jackospice · 15/09/2026 22:08

You’ve posted this before, and got all the same answers before. Mil isn’t overriding you, mils reactions and wants aren’t making any difference to you, you’re still doing what you planned. There’s no battle to fight here

Shinyandnew1 · 15/09/2026 22:12

Tillow4ever · 14/09/2026 12:35

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5547693-am-i-overthinking-my-mother-in-laws-disappointment-about-christmas-family-plans?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

You’ve posted this exact post in June-I thought it was very familiar. Are you going to keep posting it until you get a reply you like?!

Tillow4ever · 16/09/2026 06:35

ThisDreamyExpert · 15/09/2026 21:44

Thank you, I am really struggling. Have thought of other ways out and on medication, but often get ‘flare-ups’ of uncontrollable, overwhelming thoughts that create havoc in my life. Therapy has not worked. Have been for years.

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Oh gosh that sounds really tough for you. When you say you have thought of other ways out, what exactly do you mean? Have you thought about hurting yourself or ending your own life? I’m sorry to ask that so bluntly, but I’m concerned for you.

Have you tried different therapists? I’ve seen it said that sometimes you have to try a number of different ones until you get a fit that works for you. A bit like how you sometimes need to try different meds or strengths of med to help with a physical ailment, treating mental health requires tweaks too! Have you told your doctor about the flare ups? I wonder if there’s something additional they can prescribe to help manage those, or if there might be different meds that can help your condition and stop these altogether.

Your MIL sounds like a really wonderful woman. And I’m guessing she knows about your MH condition as it sounds like she tries to follow your wishes. I think whenever you feel this lack of control with her, you need to take a breath and remind yourself it is your illness doing this to you, not your MIL. When you’re having a good day, it might be worth talking to your MIL and apologise for how you have been sometimes and thank her for her understanding and willingness to change to help you. Tell her you know it can’t be easy for her - but it’s not easy for you either and you are trying to get better. Maybe work out strategies between you for when you start feeling like this - is there something she can do that will help you for example?

Please do book in to see your doctor for a review - tell them you don’t think your medication is working as well as expected. See what support they can offer you. Look at alternative therapists. There are different therapy methods that might suit you better.

Tillow4ever · 16/09/2026 06:37

beeble347 · 15/09/2026 20:31

I really don't think it's that bad, though tears are a bit guilt-trippy. I'm sure she didn't want you to cancel plans with your sister, just wasn't thinking about you trying to juggle everyone and everything else. Divide and conquer, you go get DB while your DH (and kids?) see MIL and SIL. Or invite them over for breakfast or lunch or something while your DB is also staying - can you see your sister more than one day as well?

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This all happened 2 years ago! It’s also not the first time OP has posted about it.

WhatNoRaisins · 16/09/2026 07:05

OP I think that you really need to lean into to treatment for your mental illness. Yes your MIL sounds quite pushy but your reactions aren't the reactions of a healthy happy person.

Original poster

ThisDreamyExpert · 17/09/2026 10:43

Tillow4ever · 15/09/2026 19:35

You’ve overwhelmingly been told that you are being unreasonable on the other posts. You might want to reflect on that.

You have said you have OCD. I suspect this is a symptom of that. If you can’t get it under control you might find one day your husband has enough. You might find you no longer have in laws that are generous and happy to help. And you might find you have teenagers who resent the control you’ve kept them under, and the relationships they’ve missed out on.

I can’t recall if you said you are still in therapy or have had it in the past, but I urge you to explore these feelings with your therapist, you owe it to yourself as much as you do your family - this cannot be a fun way for you to live.

Show quote history

maybe in a big way I dont want a pushy inlaw. It feels like the typical stereotype mom in law i inherited.

OP posts:

Original poster

ThisDreamyExpert · 17/09/2026 10:45

Tillow4ever · 16/09/2026 06:35

Oh gosh that sounds really tough for you. When you say you have thought of other ways out, what exactly do you mean? Have you thought about hurting yourself or ending your own life? I’m sorry to ask that so bluntly, but I’m concerned for you.

Have you tried different therapists? I’ve seen it said that sometimes you have to try a number of different ones until you get a fit that works for you. A bit like how you sometimes need to try different meds or strengths of med to help with a physical ailment, treating mental health requires tweaks too! Have you told your doctor about the flare ups? I wonder if there’s something additional they can prescribe to help manage those, or if there might be different meds that can help your condition and stop these altogether.

Your MIL sounds like a really wonderful woman. And I’m guessing she knows about your MH condition as it sounds like she tries to follow your wishes. I think whenever you feel this lack of control with her, you need to take a breath and remind yourself it is your illness doing this to you, not your MIL. When you’re having a good day, it might be worth talking to your MIL and apologise for how you have been sometimes and thank her for her understanding and willingness to change to help you. Tell her you know it can’t be easy for her - but it’s not easy for you either and you are trying to get better. Maybe work out strategies between you for when you start feeling like this - is there something she can do that will help you for example?

Please do book in to see your doctor for a review - tell them you don’t think your medication is working as well as expected. See what support they can offer you. Look at alternative therapists. There are different therapy methods that might suit you better.

Show quote history

I have wanted to end it and even drove to mental institutions in jope of them taking me in and helping me get over things in the past. I am not wanting to end things no and dont have ideations any more.

OP posts:

Dracolina · 17/09/2026 11:49

ThisDreamyExpert · 14/09/2026 10:09

I am having a hard time with my mil. I come from a emotionally detached family, or just not as expressive and not as close knit. It has been an adjustment (married 11 years) now with 2 kids with my inlaws being more expressive, connected and closer. Mil moved closer and now lives in town. We see her often, but not too often that I feel suffocated. I have been diagnosed with OCD, for context.
2 years ago we had planned Christmas to see my sister for one evening, we see her only once a year, friends another evening and few other commitments like picking up my brother from the airport over the time that my sil was going to come and visit. She visits once a year and often wants to see our children.
i explained this on a group chat. My sil was going to come for 4 days. She then messaged, so we are only seeing you Christmas eve? My mil then phoned my husband in tears, that she feels upset that we are only seeing my sil one evening. My sil explained to me afterwards that she was sad, but did not express it at the time.
I became so upset about my mil expressing disappointment and am now questioning whether she actually would have wanted us to cancel our plans to see my sister to see his sister, if that is the case, I am possibly never going to get over it. She never said that, but feel like maybe she did want that. My husband just told her we are sticking to our plans but will see where we can find more time to see his sister. She accepted and that was the end of it.
i think i am worried about upcoming Christmases as a result. And I have deep resentment towards my mil for this.

Your husband is a patient man, between you, his sister and his mother, I'd go insane. This is such a small thing to make this big of a deal out of. Literally. Your sister-in-law is too sensitive, your mother-in-law is a cry baby, and you're too petty. It's Christmas, you're all going to see each other...what is there to fight and be upset about, really? Just be happy that have you have each other - many people have zero family to spend Christmas with. They'd give an arm to have your family setup.