be offended if new partner said this?

[KitDog]

Earlier on I was in a sports centre with my newish partner (6 months) and my son (7). DS had just finished his tennis lesson and before we came out partner said he was just nipping to the loo.

Me and DS waited for him outside the toilets in a small, quiet coridoor and DS started being a bit silly and popped his head around the mens toilets door and shouted "are you still having a poo?" but quite loud. Two men that were walking in laughed as partner walked out looking red faced.

On the way out of the centre partner then asked if DS had "some kind of hyperactive or bahviour disorder" as he "seems pretty wild sometimes".

I'm actually quite upset about it, am I being over-protective?

I think your partner probably just felt embarrassed.

Sounds like embarrassment to me

Probably...but it was an overreaction (of someone who doesn't have kids I assume?)and was uncalled for. Do you think DP really thinks that?

doesn't he know many 7 year old boys?

That's mostly what they talk about isn't it? Poo, bum, willy.

You get used to it if you've know them all their life but your boyfriend was probably embarrassed.

Stupid thing for him to say though

I wouldn't like it, but I would feel his embarrasment.

Depends whether or not you told off your son for that outrageously rude behaviour.

Tommy is right - that's what 7 year old boys do. But they have to be sat on pretty firmly and told that there is NO WAY that sort of behaviour is acceptable in public.

If you didn't reprimand your son pretty seriously, had I been an onlooker I might well have assumed he had a problem that might have meant he couldn't help himself.

It's funny how you think there is something wrong with your new boyfriend, and not your son!

I certainly wouldn't have let my child shout into the gents' loos- did you think it was acceptable? Are you not teaching him a) not to shout in public b) not to be cheeky about something personal and c)I would have made him apologize to the guy.

I doubt if he's hyper but he seems to be undisciplined.
I feel sorry for the man- how embarrassing.

I feel sorry for your boyfriend! I know that your ds is only 7 but I would have been mortified if my dcs had done that.

I agree: for me it would be about your reaction, not your son's behaviour

if you had got angry and told him off very firmly, I would have assumed that he was a normal silly 7yo

if you did not tell him off as above, I would have assumed that you had special reasons, i.e. that your son had SN of some sort

oh come on girls - thats a little bit harsh dont you think - gnd -1. cheers for your very sound advise on my post but 2. have your children never ever said anything embarrassing in public - i play a game with my son where i chase him around and pretended to be a witch - when he called me witch in public at tescos i was mortified. kids dont have the same sense of shame. yes she should have told him off but that really is a bit judge and jury. and i dont think a seven year old boy with a sense of toilet humour really counts as sn quite frankly. in all honesty if i heard a child do that i would expect to hear the mother firmly tell him not to but i would leave trying not to cry laughing. i think its all being taken a bit too seriously to be honest. a seven yr old shouted about poo. never heard of that one before.

and thats not me saying its acceptable btw - really is not and if mine did it he would very firmly be told off and asked to apologise to my partner immediately but its not sn and its certainly not a huge deal.

I didn't say there was anything very shocking about a 7yo saying something embarrassing or that that would be a sign of SN. I said my judgment would be based on the mother's reaction. That is a totally different thing. A 7yo is quite old enough to be told off for shouting poo jokes aloud. though not necessarily old enough not to be making them

prettyfly- YES my children may have said embarrassing things in public- they are now adults so it's along time ago- BUT they would always be told if their behaviour was inappropriate or cheeky!

Your son can call you what he likes as part of your "in joke"- it didn't involve anyone else, did it?

It's not about the fact that he asked "Have you finished your poo"- you're missing the point- which is, the OP thought her boyfriend was in the wrong, NOT her son!!!

It is about teaching your child what is correct behaviour- and shouting anywhere in public should be discouraged. he should basically be taught some manners- that you don't ask people about their toilet habits in public- or anywhere for that matter!

I totally see that he wouldn't realize how it was wrong- BUT the OP should have and told him so.

i dont think she said she didnt - op if your about how did you handle it with your son? did your new partner see how you handled it? if you didnt tell your son off i am inclined to agree with the others about you maybe needing to be a bit stricter with your son about manners, if you did tell your son off but felt it wasnt something you wished to share with your partner,perhaps if he does something like that again ask your ds to apologise to your partner - it was certainly deserved as that is embarrassing for poeple - especially those who dont have children and are not used to the total lack of privacy they tend to allow - if you did tell him off and asked him to apologise and your partner saw this then i suspect he has a case of "if i had children", in which case explain to him that children are naughty occasionally and this does not warrant them sn. also you refer to other events where you son is a bit wild? is this something he does regularly?

If the OP gave a clear demonstration of her displeasure (and you are right, we have no evidence she didn't), then I agree- the partner sounds inexperienced and I would think he was out of order. But as you say, childless people often do have this attitude of 'if it was me...'. Didn't we all once upon a time?

Well, it depends. Does your child have behavioural issues? IS he 'pretty wild sometimes' ?? I don't know, I've never met him, so can't answer that.

For example, if someone said to my sister "your daughter is a bit odd, isn't she" My sister would be upset. If someone said to me "Your sons are a bit odd, aren't they?" I'd laugh, say "Yup and I love it!" and explain that they have autism.

So the first question you ask yourself is - does he have a point.

I sometimes think I inhabit a parallel universe...I am with the op and would be a bit worried about partners reaction in this situation, and wonder how he would cope with the child if the relationship was to develop further. I cant believe how po faced (haha) some posters are being about a 7 yr old making a comment like this. Both mine (3 and 10) would be capable of doing this, as , infact , would my dh to one of them. Or to me. ( Youve been in the loo a long time, did you have a big poo? dh to me.) Really, I think its good to 'flush out' those who take themselves too seriously.

moopy- can you not see that their are types of behaviour that are simply a lack of manners? Surely, how we behave at home is not the same as how we ought to behave with others in a public place.

As a family, we all have our own lavatory humour, but it has its place.

What is interesting about the OP is that she doesn't seem to consider her boyfriend's feelings for a moment- whether he was upset by her son's outburst- but that she instantly jumped to the defence of her son.

If she was in tune with the man's feelings at all, surely she ought to have tried to console him a little, rather than wonder if he was out of order?

As a former teacher, I can just see how kids who aren't checked for behaviour at home etc soon become- or are- the noisy, disruptive ones in the class, as they are never told off for doing anything.

It is never too soon to teach a child manners, and although the OP could have had a little giggle with her DS about it in private, I think that at the time, she ought to have told him his behaviour was embarrassing to others- it's never too early to instil in kids that they need to be aware of some one else's feelings.

their- sorry- there - typo

I think you make valid points gnd, but I am not really sure that this was particularly a case of bad manners-more ops ds testing out the boyfriend a bit and inviting intimacy throught teasing. Certainly my dh and my ds (his step son) bonded through this kind of stuff with me groaning and them telling me to 'be quiet its a boy thing. '
Though this may be totally wide of the mark here and this child might be just being a pain!

moopy- can't see how she was testing the bf out, as it wasn't she who initiated the event- it was her son.

PMSL Moopy.

I saw a man today and hailed him in a loud, friendly fashion: "Hoy you, you big fat ugly bastard!"

He looked upset. So I explained that I was inviting intimacy through teasing.

He said he thought I was being rude and stalked off.

What's the matter with some people?

lol......depends on the person.....i think mine would have asked he same question if they had been hanging outside the loo for a while......

...don't think it is particulary bad manners tbh......everyone poos ya know! However a personal attack on someone because of the way they look is a diffent matter.

i think it sounds good that your son is relaxed enough around your b/f to be able to say something like that.

Toilet humour is such a boy thing isn't.

I'm gonna ask dp when he gets home what he would think/how he would feel about it.

meant to be isn't it!