DH acting differently, am feeling highly suspicious and quite fragile because of it....

[ICantDoItAnyMore]

DH is an all round excellent father and wonderful husband. I have always felt loved and comfortable around him. On top of that I have always fancied him rotten.

I think/thought that he felt the same.

But recently he has been acting out of character and I have had the feeling for some time now that he has feelings for someone who he works with. Who incidently is a a very likeable person.

I'm not sure if anything has happened between them. DH seems very distant.

He has recently said things to me calling my weight and apperance in to question and hiding it in a jokey way IYSWIM. He has never done this before. He has always said how much he loves my body, even if I am a bit on the chubby side.

He has suggested that I go on a diet, again he has never done this before.

I actually weigh less now than I did before I was PG. I am 2 dress sizes smaller that I was before I was PG. I am currently at the smallest I have ever been since I've known DH. This is why I don't understand where he is coming from.

This morning I had my breakfast which consisted of a small bowl of fruit and fibre with semi skimmed milk. I was still actually quite hungry so I went to do myself a piece of wholemeal toast. and he said to me to have an apple or banana instead

I think he wants to be with this woman he works with and I think that he doesn't love me anymore . If it is the case i would rather him just leave. I don't want to be with someone who does not want me. I wont stop him from seeing DD.

I don't know what his problem is.

I need advice and some sympathy please.

You said he was in bed because he had been out with his colleagues until 3.30am. Is this normal and is part of what is expected of him at work or is it purely a social event and has the amount of time he is going out with colleagues increased lately? If it is a social event then how much time does he actually want to spend with work colleagues - after all he must be with them about 40 hours per week as it is . How does this compare with the hours he spends with you? On the other hand, maybe his pattern hasn't changed and maybe he has just made you feel sensitive about his colleague because you feel a bit redundant being at home with a baby and not having a work place to talk about.

ToughDaddy, I know I am utterly pathetic aren't I. I really need to deal with this and stop feeling sorry for myself.

Lotstodo, yes his going out has increased since he started working there, even more so since his female colleauge started working there
It's not corporate events just nights out with the people in his office.

I don't mind him going out, I never ask him to stay in and I don't make him ask me if he can go out or anything. Neither of us are clingy or jelous people. Hence the reason it has hit me so hard since he has started talking about her and commenting on my weight and apperance.

Not pathetic; you are just in hole but you sound capable of getting out. I think that you should focus more on you and him issues rather than the colleague (subtle difference). He may be infatuated by colleague and it may pass but you will still have to do do "maintenance work" on your relationship.

I encourage you to be laid back (as opposed to accusatory) about his relationship with colleague. Last thing you want to do is falsey accuse him.

How are you doing???

How's it going, ICDTAM?

I know this is not the same situation at all, but when DH and I first got together, he talked about another girl a lot. If I didn't want to wear a particular t-shirt because it was too tight, he would say "XXX would wear it", or "XXX wouldn't care", he would always respond to my statements like that. She was one of his friends, though they had never been together he had pined after he for a while. I never thought that they were seeing each other.

Eventually, I had had enough, and he said something and I just snapped and said "Well I don't give a toss what XXX would do" and stormed off. We talked it out and TBH, I don't even think he had realised he was doing it. He was devastated that he had hurt me and he never did it again.

Anyway, my point is that there is a fair chance that your DH has feelings, or probably a crush, on this woman but he is unlikely to be having an affair. I can't imagine that if something was happening, he would be talking about her all the time. He would be keeping quiet in the name of keeping a secret. You jut need to have it out with him. After all, a little infatuation is normal, but the way he is talking to you is not on and needs to stop.