How do I leave after years of lies, cheating and addiction?

[Cheatinghusband]

I've (41F) been married to my husband (49m) for 20 years and I honestly don't know who he is anymore.

Everything I thought I knew about him seems to have been a lie.
I've recently discovered that he has had a cocaine addiction for nearly two years and has been driving his children around while high and carrying drugs. He seems to have absolutely no regard for the safety of anyone else.

On top of that, he's been cheating on me, or attempting to, for at least seven years.

I've found countless messages over the years arranging to meet escorts. Every time, there are promises that it will never happen again. However, the last few months have been the worst yet.

In April this year, I discovered he'd actually met an escort and paid her £300. He'd saved her as a WhatsApp contact, so I contacted her and she confirmed everything. He even tried to cover the payment with photoshopped receipts. His excuse was that he thought I was cheating on him. I've never cheated on him.

In May, I found a dick pic on his laptop and discovered he was using Stripchat. He'd spent thousands paying women to strip for him and was messaging them about me - telling them our marriage was over, that I was unreasonable and that he wanted to leave me for them.
We separated, talked everything through and agreed on boundaries, honesty and transparency.

Then in June, while he was away on a work trip, I noticed suspicious payments. He said they were work-related. When he returned, I found him logged into Stripchat again. More money spent, more messages, including paying 18-year-old girls to undress and trying to arrange to meet another woman.

We separated again.

Then I discovered the cocaine addiction and fake email accounts. He agreed to stop taking drugs, have regular drug tests, start counselling and attend couples counselling.

In July, I discovered he had purchased a second mobile phone to hide his location. He would leave one phone at work which was sharing his location and take the second phone out whenever he wanted to 'go for a drive'

More lies.

And now it's August.

Things had seemed calmer. He was giving me little snippets of information and acting as though he was finally being honest.

The night before another seven-day work trip, he fell asleep drunk. I looked at his phone and found a search for "escorts in Las Vegas."
He says he was drunk and doesn't intend to meet anyone.

I've also discovered that he's visited massage parlours for "happy endings" and has paid women for sexual services on at least two occasions in May.

And here I am, once again, heartbroken and wondering why I am still contemplating having a relationship with this man.

I know I need to leave, this is the advice that I would give anyone else. But I don't know how to start my life again, as a woman in her 40s.

You do know what to believe and that’s is nothing that comes out of his mouth. It’s all lies.

You won’t believe it now, but your life will be so much better without him. You won’t be alone, as you will find an amazing, strong, independent, wonderful woman, who has been hiding under a pile of lies and deceit for years. You will absolutely blossom when you get rid of the dead weight that is holding you back.

There’s nothing more lonely lovely than feeling you have to keep the sham relationship on the road with a man who is constantly lying to you and really is just taking the piss totally - this guy has issues- I’m sorry he has turned into such a shit - Don’t waste time on him - by the time they are doing all this shizzle they aren’t worth reconciling with - they just try to hide it more and more -

Time to call it a day for your sanity and self respect.

Kindly, you are focusing on the wrong person. You seem to have an almost endless trail of evidence that he’s a terrible person, a cheat and a liar. Let what you’ve already seen be enough and focus on solving the (admittedly complicated and scary) problem of how to get the debt paid off and a new support system built so you can him.

It took me two years to do the same but by god I am so happy every day I don’t live with that untrustworthy disrespectful gaslighting asshole any more.

I think you do know what to think, you've seen all the evidence already. He already had a second phone so he could hide when he was going to see sex workers. It's a common thing those guys do. He doesn't want you to know where he is as he's probably seeing escorts and or buying drugs. Don't get hung up on stupid details like Life360 when you know already he uses sex workers and has a coke addiction and have seen the proof already. He will never change. But you can make a change to your life and make plans for a good life with some self respect without him. Focus on yourself now and how you can make your life better.