Ladies who have been financially dependent on their husband and knew the marriage was probably over … did you prepare financially before leaving, or did you start the separation/divorce process first and work things out from there?
I feel like I’m going round in circles.
My husband has three sons, 22, 19 and 16, and we also have a young daughter together. His sons have mostly lived with us but the two eldest moved out for some time to their mums, but that arrangement has now broken down and they’re moving back into our home. Unsure exactly why as we only hear one side of the story, and I completely understand they are his children, but I feel I have very little say in something that will have a huge impact on our home and on my daughter.
There have also been some quite difficult issues with them ..one has recently stolen money from his dad’s company, another uses steroids and can have a temper, and there are concerns around the youngest’s behaviour too. It’s made me realise how little control or security I actually have within the family situation.
Deep down, I think I know my marriage is over. But I have been financially dependent on my husband for a long time, and whenever I have talked about leaving he has made it very clear that I shouldn’t expect him to financially support me if I do.
I’m now starting to work again and trying to build myself and my income back up, but I don’t know whether I should quietly get myself into the strongest possible position first, or whether I’m just delaying the inevitable because I’m scared of the financial side.
For anyone who has been in a similar position, what did you do before you left? Did you speak to a solicitor first? Save money? Get back into work? Gather financial information? Or did you just reach a point where you had to go and deal with the practicalities afterwards?
I’d really appreciate hearing from women who have actually been through this.