So I started a thread a few weeks ago about my circumstances .https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5560531-to-not-pay-their-air-fare?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share DPs are very elderly and after a gradual deterioration, there was a steep decline over the past year and thankfully they are now in a care home close to me, rather than an hour’s drive away.
It has been a very tough time, I am an only DC although DH has been wonderful. My work contract ended and because I was going up and down to DPs for everything I only managed to get a low paid part time job and I am really just getting over and processing things at the minute.
Anyway long back story and more in the linked thread, but DF is from another country originally. He has been very generous to his nieces - my cousins - and offered to pay for their air fares to visit as their DF died quite young in difficult circumstances. Two of my cousins pay their own way, but one has made the trip annual and they pay for her DH as well. All fine and totally up to DPs as their money. Except last couple of years DPs not well enough to host them so they stayed with us. They are hideous house guests. The DH stays out late every night, my cousin sits round the house most of the day waiting for him to wake up, so there’s always someone around, they don’t contribute to groceries and he drunk most of DHs expensive whiskey and the DH talks a lot incessantly.
So I got an email saying they wanted to come over to see my DPs and asking for addresses of B&Bs . My other thread was should their air fare still be paid and as a result of that I offered a reasonable amount from DPs account ( this has all now been checked from a PoA perspective so that’s all fine ). I didn’t hear from her for a couple of weeks so I chased on dates, only to get a snippy email saying she had been busy, they weren’t sure if they would get a financial contribution for the flights so that was great, saying how worried they were about my DM when it’s always been about seeing DF and if I was absolutely sure it was ok, they would love to stay with us. Except I didn’t offer for them to stay with us - DH has put his foot down and said they can’t stay for the whole visit. I basically talked him into letting them stay for 2 nights.
Because I am a craven people pleaser, I emailed back and said they could stay 2 nights but no more, and since then crickets. And now the more I think about it the angrier I get. They weren’t rushing to come over when I was on my knees trying to manage two DPs at home with dementia. They sure as heck won’t be chipping in if the care home fees run out. There’s more but this is already a super long OP. I just feel so upset about the whole thing, up until now I had been blaming cousins DH for being the CF but her latest email was pretty emotionally manipulative. If it wasn’t for my DF and not wanting to fall out with other cousins, I would just tell them to F-off. I don’t know what I want from this thread, maybe some good sentences to use with them.