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Original poster

Can a relationship work when one person has much more money?

44 replies

ser · 21/08/2026 10:41

I was just wondering if anyone could offer some advice and a good way to move forward with this please. I am a single mum to two boys in their first and second year of uni (relevant because they are at quite an expensive stage). I work full time plus some overtime to support them, and obviously myself, as best as I can. I have been divorced for 14 years and have only just started dating again so I’m completely new to the scene and would love some advice about a few things please.
I met a lovely man nearly 2 years ago. We go on lots of dates and enjoy each other’s company. We go out for meals and drinks and have been away for weekends together. We both have our own lives in terms of hobbies, friends, our own houses etc. and are keen for it to stay that way. The problem is, he has considerably more money than I do. He is generous and pays for meals but the majority of the time, if he’s bought dinner, then I like to buy the next one. I prefer to keep things 50/50 as much as possible. We both love holidays and travelling and he has mentioned a few places that it’d be great to go to together. The trouble is, I absolutely could not afford it (and would not expect him to pay for me). Where do we go from here? Is there any future for us? I don’t really want suggestions of him paying for me as I’d not really feel comfortable with that. I’m beginning to wonder if the relationship is a bit of a non-starter because there’ll be so many things in the future that I can’t do because I don’t have the money he does. I have sort of explained this to him and he just says it’s fine, there’s lots of other things we can do etc. but I also overthink things like Christmas and birthdays where he can afford to get nice things for me and I can’t really do that back. Am i overthinking things or shall I just part ways and (maybe) find someone in a similar financial bracket to me?

OP posts:
Lmnop22 · 21/08/2026 10:48

If you won’t accept him paying for you then you need to have a conversation with him where you let him know that - it may be that he’s willing to forego expensive holidays and experiences to be with you, but it may be that he isn’t willing to limit his own ability to travel and do expensive things because you insist on paying for yourself and can’t afford it.

If he wont accept a more frugal lifestyle and you wont accept being paid for - the relationship is a non-starter

THisbackwithavengeance · 21/08/2026 10:50

I see no reason whatsoever why a long term boyfriend cannot treat you to a holiday or pay for nice weekends away if he has plenty of money and you don’t.

Hiredgun · 21/08/2026 10:54

For many men, a woman’s finances are totally irrelevant. Much more interested in attraction and fun.

However, be careful that you always have a safety net and never become dependent on a guy.

Original poster
ser · 21/08/2026 10:58

Thanks for both your responses. I don’t feel comfortable with him paying (and he actually hasn’t officially offered anyway). He does still go away a lot as he has a hobby he loves (diving) that takes him to all sorts of fancy places. Maybe I just need to accept we are not compatible financially so that’s that.

OP posts:
Original poster
ser · 21/08/2026 11:05

Hiredgun · 21/08/2026 10:54

For many men, a woman’s finances are totally irrelevant. Much more interested in attraction and fun.

However, be careful that you always have a safety net and never become dependent on a guy.

Yes, he really doesn’t seem remotely interested in my finances; unfortunately it’s a ‘me problem’. I earn enough and would never (and have never) been reliant on a man but my current situation of house, bills and two kids in uni has meant there’s not a huge amount left for fancy holidays. I don’t even think it’s the case that he earns a lot more than me, more that he has no children and is 12 years older than me (I’m 45) so is also mortgage free.

OP posts:
ChilledProsecco · 21/08/2026 11:10

It’s difficult when you’re used to being independent & having to support yourself completely without relying on anyone else.

I’m in a similar situation & a single parent, so I’ve got limitations financially. However, his kids are in their 20’s & independent. It doesn’t sit comfortably with me, but he does pick up a bit more than me.

However he is planning to retire next year & the dynamics will change.

I personally don’t think it’s worth ending an otherwise good relationship for.

JengaCupboard · 21/08/2026 11:20

I guess this is more long term than dating but ours works fine - I earn about double/2.5 times what my partner of 6 years makes. We pay bills equally however I pay the lions share of the fun stuff like holidays and meals out etc. We could split it 50/50 but that would mean less fancy and less often - he would be fine with that but I like to go out to nice places, want to spend my time with him and am happy to pay. It also means our disposable income gap is reduced a bit too, so he does have the opportunity to save etc.

He more than pulls his weight at home, and definitely supports me to be able to do my job, so bigger picture it seams fair to me.

FillTheGoldenCupWithRoses · 21/08/2026 11:33

Yes but only when they are on the same mindset. You want 50/50. This won’t work if he isn’t willing to downgrade his lifestyle. Or if you were willing to compromise on paying for every third thing or allowing him to pay more. Otherwise you’re not compatible.

AnitaCam · 21/08/2026 11:37

If he’s not offering to pay for you, simply because he wants your company more than he wants the money he has plenty of… surely you have your answer. You have a relationship that is quite tally - keeping and fairly compartmentalised. Hopefully you are both comfortable with that.

mindutopia · 21/08/2026 11:38

You’re 2 years in. You really should be past the going out for meals all the time stage. Cook meals together at home. Go for walks. Have a picnic at the beach. Not everything needs to cost loads of money. If you were doing more of that, you’d have money to contribute to a holiday. That said, if someone is comfortably well off, they should be happy to pay for a holiday on occasion that you wouldn’t otherwise be able to afford because they want the pleasure of your company. That would probably feel more comfortable if you weren’t always spending money on expensive dates.

Original poster
ser · 21/08/2026 11:40

JengaCupboard · 21/08/2026 11:20

I guess this is more long term than dating but ours works fine - I earn about double/2.5 times what my partner of 6 years makes. We pay bills equally however I pay the lions share of the fun stuff like holidays and meals out etc. We could split it 50/50 but that would mean less fancy and less often - he would be fine with that but I like to go out to nice places, want to spend my time with him and am happy to pay. It also means our disposable income gap is reduced a bit too, so he does have the opportunity to save etc.

He more than pulls his weight at home, and definitely supports me to be able to do my job, so bigger picture it seams fair to me.

That’s really nice to read, thank you for sharing. Maybe I’d feel more comfortable if I did a bit more for him. He likes to cook for me when we don’t go out, he brings me tea and breakfast in bed when I stay over and he also spent time with my youngest son helping him with one of his A levels as it was a subject he had studied himself. I just feel I’m not giving anything ‘extra’ to the relationship. He says he does what he does because he wants to and if he didn’t then he wouldn’t. I think I need to start being more thoughtful and do more nice things for him as it doesn’t seem very balanced at the moment. Thank you for helping me realise this!

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Octopusk · 21/08/2026 11:42

It seems a shame to give up on a good relationship over this.

DH and I earned the same when we first got together. Now (nearly 30 years later and with 2 kids) he earns 15x what I do. He'll probably retire soon and then I'll be the sole earner for a few years. If a relationship has legs then over time all sorts of things can happen, and I think there's a lot more value in finding a way to manage different incomes fairly that accounts for that, than in simply insisting on a 50-50 split.

Original poster
ser · 21/08/2026 11:42

AnitaCam · 21/08/2026 11:37

If he’s not offering to pay for you, simply because he wants your company more than he wants the money he has plenty of… surely you have your answer. You have a relationship that is quite tally - keeping and fairly compartmentalised. Hopefully you are both comfortable with that.

Edited

Yes that makes a lot of sense, thank you

OP posts:
Writer034 · 21/08/2026 11:43

ser · 21/08/2026 10:41

I was just wondering if anyone could offer some advice and a good way to move forward with this please. I am a single mum to two boys in their first and second year of uni (relevant because they are at quite an expensive stage). I work full time plus some overtime to support them, and obviously myself, as best as I can. I have been divorced for 14 years and have only just started dating again so I’m completely new to the scene and would love some advice about a few things please.
I met a lovely man nearly 2 years ago. We go on lots of dates and enjoy each other’s company. We go out for meals and drinks and have been away for weekends together. We both have our own lives in terms of hobbies, friends, our own houses etc. and are keen for it to stay that way. The problem is, he has considerably more money than I do. He is generous and pays for meals but the majority of the time, if he’s bought dinner, then I like to buy the next one. I prefer to keep things 50/50 as much as possible. We both love holidays and travelling and he has mentioned a few places that it’d be great to go to together. The trouble is, I absolutely could not afford it (and would not expect him to pay for me). Where do we go from here? Is there any future for us? I don’t really want suggestions of him paying for me as I’d not really feel comfortable with that. I’m beginning to wonder if the relationship is a bit of a non-starter because there’ll be so many things in the future that I can’t do because I don’t have the money he does. I have sort of explained this to him and he just says it’s fine, there’s lots of other things we can do etc. but I also overthink things like Christmas and birthdays where he can afford to get nice things for me and I can’t really do that back. Am i overthinking things or shall I just part ways and (maybe) find someone in a similar financial bracket to me?

Of course you're entitled to your values. But rationally speaking I don't understand why you won't let him pay for you. Do you feel it creates some kind of obligation? Because, it doesn't! It creates equity and an opportunity to do stuff together. I think it's irrational to leave a lovely budding relationship over him being wealthier and generous - sorry but this to my suggests some kind of issue in you, perhaps you've internalised a need for independence and self reliance too much. It's completely normal for the person with more money to pay more, or pay for everything. Maybe I'm old fashioned. Actually, I don't think I am, because if I was wealthier than my DP, I'd happily pay for most things. It just makes sense. He probably really cares for you and wants to treat you, and enable you to do things as a couple - it's worth investigating where your extreme resistance comes from.

moderate · 21/08/2026 11:45

If you’d got together when you both had similar amounts of money and then he had come into much more money (income or windfall) would you feel differently? If so, why?

SlightlyTerrifiedButPolite · 21/08/2026 11:45

@sercan you give more detail on why you feel uncomfortable with him paying for you?

I’m not sure if this helps, but people contribute to relationships in different ways. My DH is far wealthier than I am. The first holiday he wanted to book, I told him I couldn’t afford it. He said he was expecting to pay for it. I can’t match him financially but I have no doubt I hugely improve his quality of life and make him happy in different ways. Keep a focus on what you’re bringing to the relationship, I’m sure he feels very lucky to have you irrespective of finances xx

Original poster
ser · 21/08/2026 11:46

mindutopia · 21/08/2026 11:38

You’re 2 years in. You really should be past the going out for meals all the time stage. Cook meals together at home. Go for walks. Have a picnic at the beach. Not everything needs to cost loads of money. If you were doing more of that, you’d have money to contribute to a holiday. That said, if someone is comfortably well off, they should be happy to pay for a holiday on occasion that you wouldn’t otherwise be able to afford because they want the pleasure of your company. That would probably feel more comfortable if you weren’t always spending money on expensive dates.

You’re absolutely right. We go out walking a lot and play a lot of sport together, we also sit in and watch films with a glass of wine or cup of tea. Again though, he’s far better at the sport we play than me so spends time on helping me and paying for lessons for me. The more I’m writing about things it’s making me realise there is a big imbalance in lots of areas.

OP posts:
Original poster
ser · 21/08/2026 11:53

Writer034 · 21/08/2026 11:43

Of course you're entitled to your values. But rationally speaking I don't understand why you won't let him pay for you. Do you feel it creates some kind of obligation? Because, it doesn't! It creates equity and an opportunity to do stuff together. I think it's irrational to leave a lovely budding relationship over him being wealthier and generous - sorry but this to my suggests some kind of issue in you, perhaps you've internalised a need for independence and self reliance too much. It's completely normal for the person with more money to pay more, or pay for everything. Maybe I'm old fashioned. Actually, I don't think I am, because if I was wealthier than my DP, I'd happily pay for most things. It just makes sense. He probably really cares for you and wants to treat you, and enable you to do things as a couple - it's worth investigating where your extreme resistance comes from.

Edited
Show quote history

Yes I definitely have my own issues and I’m not entirely sure where they’ve come from. I’ve also noticed that both of my boys pay for everything with their girlfriends so I’ve clearly (unfortunately) brought them up with the mindset that they must pay for themselves and not let others pay for them. I think it’s possibly some sort of fear of being reliant on someone else. Oh dear, I started this thread for one reason and now I’m really discovering all sorts of things about myself. I’d happily treat anyone to something if I could, I have no idea why I can’t accept the same back.

OP posts:
Original poster
ser · 21/08/2026 11:57

SlightlyTerrifiedButPolite · 21/08/2026 11:45

@sercan you give more detail on why you feel uncomfortable with him paying for you?

I’m not sure if this helps, but people contribute to relationships in different ways. My DH is far wealthier than I am. The first holiday he wanted to book, I told him I couldn’t afford it. He said he was expecting to pay for it. I can’t match him financially but I have no doubt I hugely improve his quality of life and make him happy in different ways. Keep a focus on what you’re bringing to the relationship, I’m sure he feels very lucky to have you irrespective of finances xx

I really wish I knew. It’s some sort of fear of being reliant on someone else possibly. I think I would feel I owe something if I was given something which I know is crazy because I would never expect the same if roles were reversed. Also the thought of being a burden makes me feel awful. I understand these are ridiculous thoughts and feelings and this person has never, ever made me feel this way. Maybe I feel I don’t deserve it but again, I’ve no idea where these feelings could have come from as I had a happy, loving childhood and a really good life so far (awful marriage though) x

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WildGarlicSoup · 21/08/2026 11:59

I understand this but if you love him and are happy, my goodness - enjoy everything he offers you!

Fiftyandme · 21/08/2026 12:00

I wonder the same thing as I’m in a similar position but we’ve been together 8 months.

Original poster
ser · 21/08/2026 12:00

moderate · 21/08/2026 11:45

If you’d got together when you both had similar amounts of money and then he had come into much more money (income or windfall) would you feel differently? If so, why?

Yes I would feel differently I think, but I can’t explain why. I also wouldn’t expect any of the windfall to be spent on me (unless of course we were married/living together etc. but that’s not the case here, we are just dating)

OP posts:
Mapleunicorn · 21/08/2026 12:00

Relationships absolutely can work when one earns more than the other. I imagine most relationships that start later in life have varying degrees in disparity

I earn 4 times more than DP. I knew that when I met him, but I couldn’t care less. I love him for who he is as a person. I also like doing fun things in life (with him) and am totally fine with that meaning I pay for more of it than he does

But if you are not comfortable with that, then really the only alternative is asking him to curtail his lifestyle. Personally I wouldn’t want a relationship like that. Especially when I’m not expecting that person to contribute 50/50

From reading your updates is sounds like you maybe feel a bit inferior to him in some way? Maybe try and figure out why you feel that way? I’m sure he is with you for who you are as a person and you can bring lots of things to the relationship that are nothing to do with money. It would be a shame to lose a good relationship over something like this. I think you need to talk to him really.

Tiptopflipflop · 21/08/2026 12:03

It seems a real shame to me to throw away a relationship with a lovely thoughtful man over this. He sounds great. I wouldn't throw that away in the hope of finding someone just as nice but poorer.

Can't you just carry on enjoying each other's company and doing things within your means for now? Once your kids leave uni you'll have more disposable income and be able to do more if you want to.

I'd try to unpick why you feel like you do and work on that before you break up with him.

Original poster
ser · 21/08/2026 12:04

Mapleunicorn · 21/08/2026 12:00

Relationships absolutely can work when one earns more than the other. I imagine most relationships that start later in life have varying degrees in disparity

I earn 4 times more than DP. I knew that when I met him, but I couldn’t care less. I love him for who he is as a person. I also like doing fun things in life (with him) and am totally fine with that meaning I pay for more of it than he does

But if you are not comfortable with that, then really the only alternative is asking him to curtail his lifestyle. Personally I wouldn’t want a relationship like that. Especially when I’m not expecting that person to contribute 50/50

From reading your updates is sounds like you maybe feel a bit inferior to him in some way? Maybe try and figure out why you feel that way? I’m sure he is with you for who you are as a person and you can bring lots of things to the relationship that are nothing to do with money. It would be a shame to lose a good relationship over something like this. I think you need to talk to him really.

I think you’ve absolutely hit the nail on the head. I’m only just realising this as I’ve been putting it in writing. You’re completely right, he’s highly intelligent, kind, thoughtful, talented with his chosen sport, adventurous and has absolutely no ties. Me on the other hand… 🤦🏻‍♀️. So I guess it’s a self esteem thing. Thank you for your comment, certainly food for thought x

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