Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Do decent men date single mums?

56 replies

Betterdays66 · 20/08/2026 00:08

Do decent men date single mums? Im 35, 2 young DS and I’m convinced, hopefully wrongly, that I’m the bottom of the pile for the decent men now.. exH is still in the picture, we co-parent amicably and fairly. He found a decent partner very quickly and easily.

where do you meet decent men now? I really hate the idea of apps or OLD and it would be last resort. I do get decent chunks of time without DCs but they are my world, as they should be

I’m a weird age in my social circles and have a lot of childless friends so their dating advice isn’t always helpful (or encouraging!)

OP posts:
MoaningKeating · 21/08/2026 13:50

Betterdays66 · 20/08/2026 20:45

Yes this is what I mean.. Is the initial respect level lower from men to women in this position or something? Some of the more misogynistic things that can be found online re single mums is pretty degrading and on a bad day can drive in the hopelessness.

If I’m honest I’d struggle to be with anybody who I didn’t connect with as if I didn’t have children anyway, as is probably normal, but I wonder what the point of trying is if they’re only going to view the lifestyle as an issue anyway.. I suppose I’m trying to get my expectations in order and give myself time to process the change

Show quote history

Be upfront about having children and then those men are filtered out immediately.

I think you are seeking confirmation bias here.

You will hear stories from some posters about how they have found the most amazing childless man willing to be a stepfather, and then others who can't find anyone.

The reality is that there is a reduced dating pool. There are decent single men out there, and a subset of them will be willing to date single mothers.

But it would be a mistake to think that you can change a man's mind. If he doesn't want to date single mothers, move on to the next option.

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/08/2026 13:54

DabOfPistachio · 20/08/2026 22:23

I find this a really weird attitude. You could say the same thing about dating a man who has children. Women deciding to 'take on some other woman's children' and deal with his ex.
Parents are responsible for their own children. Women aren't out there seeking men to 'take them on'
It feels very Andrew Tate tbh as if women only have value in the dating market if we don't have any previous relationships and no kids. And our main purpose in seeking a relationship is to find a provider.
In reality, decent men and women find a match in someone they connect with: chemistry, sense of humour, shared interests etc.
If my DP had come in at the start of the relationship assuming we were to start parenting each other's kids, it wouldn't have got far.
That's the kind of thing that grows slowly (if at all), as the relationship builds and becomes more serious and a decision is made to blend families.
And neither of us deals with the 'hassle of each other's exes' because we're grown ups who behave like grown up co-parents with our exes.

Edited
Show quote history

You could say the same thing about dating a man who has children. Women deciding to 'take on some other woman's children' and deal with his ex.

People do say that. All the time.

OneShyQuail · 21/08/2026 19:00

Betterdays66 · 20/08/2026 20:45

Yes this is what I mean.. Is the initial respect level lower from men to women in this position or something? Some of the more misogynistic things that can be found online re single mums is pretty degrading and on a bad day can drive in the hopelessness.

If I’m honest I’d struggle to be with anybody who I didn’t connect with as if I didn’t have children anyway, as is probably normal, but I wonder what the point of trying is if they’re only going to view the lifestyle as an issue anyway.. I suppose I’m trying to get my expectations in order and give myself time to process the change

Show quote history

Why/how are you accessing/seeing misogynistic material online? We all know its there, online and IRL sadly but dont dwell on it for goodness sake

Coffeeandtv86 · 22/08/2026 12:26

Yes you definitely do!
I met my partner 13 months ago on POF. He has no children and made it clear he wanted none which is fine with me. I have one DS.
Don't give up hope. There are decent men out there that won't be put off with a lady with children.

TheGoldenOwl · 22/08/2026 13:51

It works the other way as well though OP - I'm late thirties and dont want to date a man with children. When I am mid fifties I probably would be ok with it because any children would be adults.

It's not a single mum thing, it is a parent thing. The men will be experiencing the same "discrimination".

ItsAllSoUnfair · 22/08/2026 14:48

I have a few friends who were in their 30s when they separated from the father of their DC. One has a baby with her partner (who didn’t have children of his own) & they are engaged, one is married with a man who had an adult child (but young so there isn’t a large age gap), one is dating someone with children but they haven’t wanted to blend the families even though it’s long term, one has dated lots of men but struggling to find the right one & one hasn’t tried dating at all but has a very good social life seeing friends all the time. The men were found via OLD or at work. It’s def possible but not easy. My friend says you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince! It’s harder than pre kids as you have to consider them too.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread