Do decent men date single mums?

[Betterdays66]

Do decent men date single mums? Im 35, 2 young DS and I’m convinced, hopefully wrongly, that I’m the bottom of the pile for the decent men now.. exH is still in the picture, we co-parent amicably and fairly. He found a decent partner very quickly and easily.

where do you meet decent men now? I really hate the idea of apps or OLD and it would be last resort. I do get decent chunks of time without DCs but they are my world, as they should be

I’m a weird age in my social circles and have a lot of childless friends so their dating advice isn’t always helpful (or encouraging!)

Surely this is just common decency? Who wouldn’t behave the way you describe anyway

Yes. My DH met me when I had 2Dc’s. We also now have a DC together. We met OLD.

2 young kids? I would rather hold off for a while. If they’re quite young it means you’re not long out of a relationship. Why rush ? Surely the kids need your focus more than anything now

Single mum of one, am 41 now and divorced 5+ years and have a decent chunk of time. been with my current partner 2.5 years - he has 2 kids and shares custody like me. we only see each other when not got kids each. totally works for us - we met on tinder and its been slow going and lovely. OLD is a numbers game and you need thick skin and know what you're looking for. Go on dates and enjoy or leave. I have left first drink before! I also don't like the texting for ages and not actually meeting. Just dip in, can easily delete the apps!

Absolutely. I dated a single mum for a while and it went brilliantly. However, she took an opportunity to move abroad sp that was the only reason it finished.

I met my husband as a single mother of 6 year old and 7 year old. We had both been married before and divorced for about 5 years. He had no children from his first marriage. However has for the past 23 years been a brilliant father to my children (there dad didn't want anything to do with them after our divorce). He is a really nice person and that is whatever told me about him when we first met.

He happened to work at the same place my father did before retirement. My father's then girlfriend was having a little party of about 25 guests for my father's birthday. I met my husband for first time randomly there and we swapped numbers. Not normally something I did because was not interested in look for a man at the time but he was just so lovely to talk too.

I think sometimes someone comes into your life when you least expect it. The day before the party I had decided not to go because had a lot on but last minute on the day I changed my mind.

This isn’t a nice way to view yourself - the only men who think like this are misogynistic sad sacks. Definitely not a lens we need to use about ourselves.

That said, decent dateable men who are looking for a relationship are few and far between.

Do you think that's so easy? Where exactly do you wait for a good man to arrive?

There are some decent men who date single mums.

But there are also men who will deliberately pick them with a view to moving into their readymade homes, and getting their feet under the table.

I guess the difficult bit is how to tell them apart.

That's appalling. Why are your nephews dating single mums while they're in long term relationships?

😉😂

A lot of women and then they call the man abusive or immature when he won't tolerate it.

Do you think we are lying 🤣

Yes OP.

My ex is a similar age to you and she met someone several months ago and he seems both really nice and genuine. They met through their shared interests.

Please put this out of your mind immediately.

My boyfriend is probably the most gentlemanly gentleman I have ever known. My dc were 13 and 15 when I started dating him.

From what I see around me, it's very hard for a single mum to meet a decent man.
They may think they have met a decent man , but the bar tends to be very very low.
What I see single mums putting up with in relationships makes me so sad to see

Yes this is what I mean.. Is the initial respect level lower from men to women in this position or something? Some of the more misogynistic things that can be found online re single mums is pretty degrading and on a bad day can drive in the hopelessness.

If I’m honest I’d struggle to be with anybody who I didn’t connect with as if I didn’t have children anyway, as is probably normal, but I wonder what the point of trying is if they’re only going to view the lifestyle as an issue anyway.. I suppose I’m trying to get my expectations in order and give myself time to process the change

That’s really sad to hear if I’m honest

I do appreciate there is a lot more positive stories here which is really encouraging. I suppose it’s a mixed bag..
I hate apps and don’t have much of an online presence anyway but I suppose I’ll have to be more open minded.
I just am really sceptical and quite nervous so maybe now isn’t a great time to start for me but it would be nice to have some RL proof it’s not all bad I guess

Surely you should be prioritising your kids though? I'm not saying being rude or sponging off someone is OK but the kids 100% should be the priority. If a man can't deal with that he's not the one. I'm now at an age where anyone worth being in a relationship with is already taken and I just can't be doing with any of it any more. But OP, I wish you luck with finding the right person at the right time.

Decent men date decent people

Dont worry OP ☺️

I think sadly this is true. As a single women in my 30’s I didn’t want to date men with children. I am now much older and have children with a man that didn’t have any.

I’ll

What??

That said, decent dateable men who are looking for a relationship are few and far between

Are there more decent women looking for relationships than decent men?

I find this a really weird attitude. You could say the same thing about dating a man who has children. Women deciding to 'take on some other woman's children' and deal with his ex.
Parents are responsible for their own children. Women aren't out there seeking men to 'take them on'
It feels very Andrew Tate tbh as if women only have value in the dating market if we don't have any previous relationships and no kids. And our main purpose in seeking a relationship is to find a provider.
In reality, decent men and women find a match in someone they connect with: chemistry, sense of humour, shared interests etc.
If my DP had come in at the start of the relationship assuming we were to start parenting each other's kids, it wouldn't have got far.
That's the kind of thing that grows slowly (if at all), as the relationship builds and becomes more serious and a decision is made to blend families.
And neither of us deals with the 'hassle of each other's exes' because we're grown ups who behave like grown up co-parents with our exes.