Page 2 | Routine sex, he says this is normal.for him

Isthistgereallife · 2026-08-15T19:42:46+00:00

I cant believe how mechanical and boring the sex is with my boyfriend now after jyst one year, especially when before he was so sensual and good? so i decided to bring it up. His reply: "its always like that for me, its normal, once the start fades away, you just get comfortable'. 😐 What am I supposed to do about this? The relationship otherwise is great but I mean...

CoffeeBotherer · 16/08/2026 09:36

Isthistgereallife · 16/08/2026 08:21

Yes he is autistic! High functioning.
Initially I was like "wow, this is amazing!" I thought we were really in sync. Then he started to gradually get less and less sensual. I guess its somewhat reassuring that this is "always what happens" with him, means I dont have to take it personally, although the way he phrased it made it sound like he was saying "the initial lusty flush always wears off for me", and I dont believe that version as he is still just as easily aroused - I think what he actually meant but didnt want to say is that he starts feeling comfortable enough to stop masking.
The stark difference in vibe is what makes it hard. No, I dont want this to be my sex life. I guess now that Ive raised it I will start by just not bothering anymore unless he ups his game, and if that doesn't make him do a little self reflection I will just have to conclude we aren't compatible on that level

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If you're "just not bothering anymore" he's likely to be fine with that. Or keep to his minimum. I don't think you're going to get him to engage more, unfortunately. All you're doing is dragging out your dissatisfaction, and ultimately it could lead to your drive and self esteem diminishing too. Don't let it damage you.

moderate · 16/08/2026 12:48

Isthistgereallife · 15/08/2026 21:50

I do plenty but he has a lot of sensory issues that limit what I feel I can do.
These werent a problem in the early days so Im wonderinf whether he was initially masking heavily to "hook" me

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Then this is surely the end. Life is too short.

Clubbiscuit · 16/08/2026 22:36

Isthistgereallife · 16/08/2026 08:21

Yes he is autistic! High functioning.
Initially I was like "wow, this is amazing!" I thought we were really in sync. Then he started to gradually get less and less sensual. I guess its somewhat reassuring that this is "always what happens" with him, means I dont have to take it personally, although the way he phrased it made it sound like he was saying "the initial lusty flush always wears off for me", and I dont believe that version as he is still just as easily aroused - I think what he actually meant but didnt want to say is that he starts feeling comfortable enough to stop masking.
The stark difference in vibe is what makes it hard. No, I dont want this to be my sex life. I guess now that Ive raised it I will start by just not bothering anymore unless he ups his game, and if that doesn't make him do a little self reflection I will just have to conclude we aren't compatible on that level

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I tried that with my husband. It ended in zero sex. Just warning you, that won’t work. They don’t have the same value system as we do. I have children. If you don’t, walk away. It’ll get worse. If you don’t believe me, join one of the facebook groups for partners of autistic men - 90% of them have zero sex.

outerspacepotato · 16/08/2026 22:40

He's not willing to put in the effort to please you sexually.

He's lazy and is seeing how little he can do and you still stick around. That's his minimum effort output to keep a gf.

I'd be gone.

SilenceLaySteadily · 17/08/2026 10:23

What does 'less sensual' mean?

There are lots of reasons why sexual habits change, and they're not all a huge deal. I've had amazing experimental sex lives before, and I've had amazing 'routine' sex lives before. I've also had partners who needed sex to be different every time, and for me, that's boring af.

You need to understand, and be able to communicate, what the difference is, in order to understand if it's a problem and how to mitigate it.

Slightyamusedandsilly · 17/08/2026 10:30

The thing is (I get the ASD & masking thing), that IF he's masking and doing things you like and enjoy, he knows you like them and what turns you on. So it's a choice to not do them.

If you think the ASD thing is very genuine, you should explain to him that sex is mutual and both partners should get some things that turn them on. So it can't all be mundane, lacking in sensuality, just because that is his preferred style. Because that will end up with no sex at all for him. So somewhere, he'll need to compromise.