Routine sex, he says this is normal.for him

[Isthistgereallife]

I cant believe how mechanical and boring the sex is with my boyfriend now after jyst one year, especially when before he was so sensual and good? so i decided to bring it up.
His reply: "its always like that for me, its normal, once the start fades away, you just get comfortable'.
😐
What am I supposed to do about this?
The relationship otherwise is great but I mean...

Tell him life is too short for bad sex and start saying no. He might realise working at it is a lifetime thing.

What are you doing to make the experience more sensual? Or is sex something that you see as primarily driven by the man?

Life is to short for low effort.

Just tell him that's not acceptable to you and he needs to make more of an effort or find someone else willing to accept his half-arsed efforts.

Don't put up with crap sex. I did it in one relationship and vowed to myself never again

Sounds like he gets what he wants but can't be arsed to put in any effort to please the OP. He's stopped bothering. That is deeply unattractive.

I do plenty but he has a lot of sensory issues that limit what I feel I can do.
These werent a problem in the early days so Im wonderinf whether he was initially masking heavily to "hook" me

Given the very little info the OP has given I have no idea what is actually happening. Maybe it is as you say. Maybe he's got bored of OP never putting any effort in herself. Maybe it's something else entirely.

Because men never stop making an effort with sex?

Stop having sex with him, unless he puts effort in.

Why keep having mechanical sex you're not enjoying?

It should focus his mind.

Well it might be his normal but it doesn’t have to be yours.

You don’t owe anyone to put up with crap sex. And you shouldn’t be having sex you don’t enjoy.

His answer tells you all you need to know imo. He basically said no to doing what needs done so that you enjoy sax again. Realistically is that someone you want to stay with?

He is as entitled to enjoy routine sex just as you are entitled to want something you find more stimulating. But you are obviously sexually incompatible and would be better ending the relationship.

He is, I understand that.
Its the fact that it was different at the beginning that im struggling with, it makes me feel undesirable even though we have sex just as often

He put on his best show when it was early on in the relationship now he’s ‘got’ you he can revert back to his usual form. Can you put up with it for the rest of your life is the question?

Is he autistic? (Just because you mention masking). If so, it’s sadly common for autistic men to mask/indicate sexual interest for a year or two then drop down to their comfort zone of boring or infrequent sex. I’m in a group for wives of autistic men and this is the story of about 95% of the women, sadly.

But surely - when you love someone - you try to please them and accommodate their needs sometimes.

Why are YOU, @Isthistgereallife, expected to accommodate HIS needs and wants all the time and he simply ignores yours?

I'd suggest he's selfish and controlling and if you look at his other choices within the relationship, you'll see selfishness and controlling behaviour there too.

Stop having rubbish sex! Why are you having it just as often when it's only any good for him?

If he's lazy in bed already, do you really want to spend a lifetime with him? I bet his effort will drop off in other departments as well.

You're only a year in, fgs, you're already on a downward slope.

He's testing out how little he can put in to the relationship, while getting what he wants out of it.

If it's dull after just one year... ☹️

Probably.

Yes he is autistic! High functioning.
Initially I was like "wow, this is amazing!" I thought we were really in sync. Then he started to gradually get less and less sensual. I guess its somewhat reassuring that this is "always what happens" with him, means I dont have to take it personally, although the way he phrased it made it sound like he was saying "the initial lusty flush always wears off for me", and I dont believe that version as he is still just as easily aroused - I think what he actually meant but didnt want to say is that he starts feeling comfortable enough to stop masking.
The stark difference in vibe is what makes it hard. No, I dont want this to be my sex life. I guess now that Ive raised it I will start by just not bothering anymore unless he ups his game, and if that doesn't make him do a little self reflection I will just have to conclude we aren't compatible on that level

Honestly I think you're better getting out of it, as his masking will probably drop on other things as well.

I think there's a support thread on here - might be worth looking at and deciding if this is really the row you want to hoe.

You arent compatible and should endcthe relationshop. For his sake as well as yours. Let you both findcsex with someone at a comfortable level. But you should tell him to be honest up front with any future person he meets and give them the choice as to whether they want that kind of low level sex.

This is as good as it gets op.
Do both of yourselves a favour and move on, there are men out there that will make an effort in bed.

Nah go on sex strike mate