Terrible Incident

[Demoon]

Sorry for the namechange. Have a friend on MN.

Me and DH were having an argument last night about money (as usual), he grabbed my shirt and pushed me against the wall. DD (14) saw him and told him to leave me alone, he shouted at her to get out and to stop interefering so she told him that if he didn't let go of me she'd make him let go. He shouted at her again and so she kicked him in the head. He staggered away holding the side of his head and she said it was his own fault. Afterwards he said he wants her to live with her dad and that he really doesn't like her.

Obviously I'd never ask her to leave us, and I told him so. This morning he apologised and said he didn't mean it but she is out of control and needs some discipline.

Now the way I feel I want to leave. Sorry, just needed to offload

Actually she was really ruddy brave and deserves to know that. And deserves to be shown that you know it by you getting rid of this man.

good for her, standing up to him on your behalf. she warned him, he didn't listen, she followed through. well done. sorry about what's happened.

If you let him stay now, after that, then what sort of message does it send to her? I know it's hard but you need to back your dd on this one - she did the right thing in my opinion as she gave him a warning.

Get rid... now before something awful happens.

She stood up to him and now he wants her gone so there's nobody to protect you next time in order that he can freely kick you round the kitchen. Why are you staying?

this is horrid situation, so sorry for you. I agree with most others, your responsibility is to your child, she was standing up for you and no way should she have to leave.

Any man that said he didnt like my kids would be out of there I'm afraid, however difficult that makes things. Your DD is the one that deserves your support.

I agree with everyone, get him out. And Wisteria especially- if your daughter sees you put up with an abusive OH, what messages are you sending to her about men and relationships?
Choose your daughter, not your hopefully soon-to-be ex!
My mum chose the men, violent partners in succession. Childhood was pretty crap, and sisters have continued the pattern.

Thanks for your messages. I never once thought of about sending DD away, of course. She will always come first and he knew she was capable of following through her threat (she's a black belt). And I am proud of her.

I too think he should leave, it isn't working out if he doesn't like DD and doesn't make the effort to like her. She will always come first to me. I suppose I just needed someone to confirm what I thought.

Thank you x

Good luck demoon - it's not easy but it's the right thing. Your daughter will be proud of you and you will know she will never put up with that sort of thing herself - I would be so proud of one of my daughters if they stuck up for me like that xx

the best of luck Demoon, its a bad situation but you are doing the right thing.

demoon well done. its really hard to make that choice but if oyu ever find it hard get back on here and you will get all the support you need. are you going to be safe telling him. can you have anyone else there to protect you or is it possible to do it remotely. worried for you please protect yourself properly.

(signs dd up for karate lessons)

Good luck. The karate lessons explain the fair warning she gave him! You should be proud.

Hope it works out, Demoon. And DO tell your dd how fab she is.

I did wonder how she was able to kick him in the head... I think my leg would come off if I attempted similar.

Good luck demoon. It sounds as though you and dd both have your heads screwed on.

Your daughter sounds amazing and very strong, not least because, it's one thing to have the capacity for self defence in a random attack situation but a whole other matter to have the clarity of mind to defend and act in a domestic violence occurance, because of the mental and emotional aspects involved.

I hope she isn't placed in the same position twice.

What madamez and pw said, and lots of others.

Well done demoon, you've made the right decision, for both your daughter's sake and your own.

Is this the same troll who posted the nasty crap about her stepson going into care?

hey?

I am so sorry this has happened.

How is this not domestic abuse?

ms - it doesnt sound like a troll - where has that come from?

MsDemeanor, I don't understand that comment?

Everyone else, thank you for the support. I could never imagine DD putting up with bad treatment from anyone to be honest but I do agree that its not a good situation where a child is experiencing violence in the home.

I feel bad that she ever did but at the same time, kind of relieved to see that she is able to protect herself from this kind of situation.

she did have to protect you though. its important not to loose sight of that! no judgement here believe me but whilst she can protect herself physically there are no self defence classes for emotional wounds. you have to return the favour now and kick him out.

Did DD hear him say he doesn't like her? Has he said things like that before about her?

My stepdad used to say pretty horrid things to me - my mum didn't agree with him but didn't disagree or act like she did which didn't help our relationship or me to put it simply.

Your DD needs to know how much she means to you and actions speak louder than words every time.

what's a troll?

Please tell your DD from me what a fabulous strong woman she is. She protected her mother from a violent assault - and she gave a violent arsehole a fair warning before using force against him.
I have heard before that martial arts training teaches mental strength as much as physical skill and its stories like this that make me believe it.