Why did he send and then delete an Instagram follow request?

[BethyHewitt]

This guy I have known for 10 years sent me a follow request on Instagram two days ago then I think he deleted it because when I clicked on the notification the follow request wasn't there. When we first met 10 years ago we said we found each other attractive and we kissed once but then he disappeared because he thought that I wanted to get back with my ex boyfriend who he also knew. Me and that ex boyfriend didn't get back together but that ex boyfriend loved me for a very long time. Sadly that ex boyfriend passed away last year and this guy knows about that. This guy reconnected with me last year by sending me a message on Facebook. He apologised for disappearing ten years ago and explained why that happened. After a few months of sending each other messages and talking on video calls and sending each other photos and videos of ourselves we told each other that our feelings for each other had come back. We met up in person once and he stayed over at my house for a few days. He helped me with housework and cooked us a meal while he was at my house. We were intimate with each other very quickly while he was at my house. We kissed and gave each other oral sex but we didn't have full intercourse because we couldn't physically do it. After that he kept changing his mind about wanting to be in a relationship with me to wanting to be friends . It was long distance because we don't live near each other. He said he is a damaged person because he has been in lots of toxic relationships and hasn't had a relationship for years. When he first contacted me he told me that a relationship was a no go and that if I kept trying to have a discussion with him about us having a relationship with each other he would block me. In the end last March he told me that he thought I wasn't putting enough effort in to seeing him and wasn't speaking to him as much and he told me that he was getting on with his life and only wanted to be around people who put an effort in to seeing him. He invited a woman who he said was just a female friend to stay with him . He is homeless and lives in a tent and she stayed in his tent and in a hotel with him for 2 weeks. We had told each other that we were in love with each other and after everything we had been through this made me feel very hurt and betrayed. I don't know if they were intimate with each other or if they had a relationship with each other or not. I got very angry and told him that my ex who passed away last year never let any other women stay over with him and that he loved me for thirteen years. I also told him that a woman doesn't stay over with a man for that long if she is just his friend. When I mentioned my ex he said he was sick of telling me that he isn't him and said maybe I should have spent more time with my ex before he passed away. Then he said he was blocking me because he wanted peace and said goodbye and good luck. What do you think about all of this and why do you think he blocked me and why did he send the follow request 2 days ago then delete it?. Could he possibly still be in love with me and he got anxious and nervous thinking I might reject him then deleted the request?. Or do you think there is another reason?. I am 42 years old and he is 50 years old

This.
Easy to do an accidental press.

He’s messing with your head. Honestly, he’s not worth it.

@BethyHewitt You said: "He said he is a damaged person because he has been in lots of toxic relationships". Look at what he told you, but turn it the other way round:

'He has been in lots of toxic relationships because he is a damaged person'.

He was the one who turned the relationships toxic. Do not get into a relationship with this person. He is not a nice man.

I hope you can see what I mean by this.

Oh op, why are you getting with a 50 year old homeless guy. You know he’s issues. Why would you be so happy thinking he wanted to connect, and be searching for him
\why don’t you try dating websites? Snd no woman went and lived in his tent.

He sounds like an absolute loser. Sounds like he just wants to use you so he has somewhere to live.

Block and move on

Thank you everyone. I agree with what you are all saying and if he had really wanted to contact me he would have left the request on there and would have sent me a message as well. I don't know if anyone here can give any advice on this but I am in a crisis at the moment. I had a severe infection for three weeks which I went to hospital for. It was so severe that I had to be pushed around in a wheelchair by the hospital staff and I couldnt get any solid food done me and hardly any drinks down me for 3 weeks. I haven't been taking my anti psychotic and antidepressant tablets for a month because I couldnt get those down me either and now it's been too long for me to safely start taking them again on my own. I am still not eating and only having fluids because my care package has broken down and I am terrified because this has been going on for a month. I also haven't been able to have a shower for a month because of how severe the infection was and because of my care package breaking down. My mum us also very unwell. She has a 3 cm polyp that has been sent for biopsy and her report at the hospital was sent through as urgent. My dad just had an accident and my stepmother is very unwell. I have no family, friends or neighbours who can help with my care and emergency social services just pass me on to my social worker who just keeps saying it takes time to find another care agency instead of arranging urgent immediate care. Also I feel that I need to be admitted in to hospital because the staff there can monitor my nutrition and my medication and help with personal care and give me counselling and i can join in with activities on the ward. I have been in mentak health hospitals before and that helped me get well again and the staff there can help me find a more suitable care agency for when I get home. I can talk about everything with them including about this guy and the bereavement I am going through because my ex passed away.My social worker cut my care plan down from 11 hours a week to 7 hours and didnt explain why and I need 14 hours of care to live in my home as part of the tenancy agreement. I have tried to get help from 111 but they passed me back on to my gp and they said they would refer me to mental health teams but that it can take up to 3 days to be assessed and my gp just told me to ring 111 or go to A and E. I can't go to A and E because I am exhausted from going there so many times over the last few weeks and having to wait for 7 and a half hours on my own feeling distressed and with bot bring given anything to eat or drink. The only other option is for me to just go to the mental health hospital and see if someone will just speak to me or assess me there tonight and hopefully admit me tonight or arrange some emergency accommodation for me. I'm sorry if I'm not supposed to post about this here but I don't know where else to turn to for help and I want you to know the whole situation and know why i dont need any more stress from this guy after everything i am going through and know why I really wanted to talk to him and have his support during this horrendous and terrifying time.

What's a weekly thing?. And like I said in my last post I am going through enough and really wanted his support during this time.

He is homeless and lives in a tent and she stayed in his tent and in a hotel with him for 2 weeks

WTAF 😳 Get a fucking grip girl.

I know that's why I was so hurt and angry about it.

This guy did not mean to try and add you, that's why he deleted the request.
He is avoiding you, so take that a a sign to move on.
As to you housing and care needs, that is a bigger ball of knots to unravel.
You need to see your GP about restarting your meds, and your social worker about a care package.

Block his account so you don’t have to deal with him again in the future, no good will come from letting this man live rent free in your head

You have a lot going on. Concentrate on getting yourself well and your care package back in place with your social worker.

I'm sure once you're back to being stable again you will realise that this man is absolutely not worth the time and brain space you have given him

All good wishes to you 💐

My gp just told me to either go to A and E or ring 111. I rang 111 but they just passed me back to my gp. They also referred me to other mental health teams but said it can take up to 3 days to be seen. My gp wont refer me to anyone. I am sick of being passed around and deteriorating more and more each day because no one is assessing me or admitting me quickly enough.

Again I will say he must have searched for my profile to be able to click on the follow request so why did he search for my profile?

My social worker is distressing me saying that it takes time to find a new care agency and she cut my care plan at this time when I need more care and all iofthe care that is on my original care plan plus the 4 hours that she has added on. I need 14 hours of care to be able to live in my home as part of the tenancy agreement. It has got to a point now where I cant function at home anyway because i gavent taken my medication in a month and i need an urgent and immediate hospital admission because i need to have my nutrition and my personal care and my medication monitored on the ward. I asked my gp about prescribing doses if my medication that I can safely take at home but she didn't reply about it and it would take weeks for me to start functioning at home and it's too dangerous to wait that long but the hospital can monitor it straight away.

For any number of reasons, he was bored, stalking all sorts of exs who knows, do not get yourself tied up in why he was doing this, even if you know why, it doesn’t change that this man is a walking red flag. I would suggest blocking him OP so you don’t have a repeat of this in the future

No, he didn’t have to search for you at all. This is incorrect. If you have any shared friends on any social media or if your number is stored in any connected friends accounts all of the big social media platforms suggest you to others to connect.

This is literally how social media works, it feeds connections and algorithms.

It regularly suggests my old builder, my window cleaner and school friends to me.

He had likely hit connect at the suggestion, then deleted it. It’s that simple. He’s done it and thought better off not being connected. Harsh.

I am sorry you are so unwell but you need to focus on your health not on someone who doesn’t even think you’re worth a social media follow.

Could he have been too anxious to contact me or scared of rejection?. Things have got even worse at home now. My carer and her manager have completely taken my care away from me and they won't find me an emergency care agency before the 20th of August when my care with the care agency I am currently with ends. The care company won't change their mind about the letter of service withdrawal letter and they won't give me more time to find more care. A mental health team assessed me at home yesterday and they passed everything on to another mental health team and the other mental health team are going to continue assessing me today. I am not sure why they couldn't just make a decision on whether I get admitted in to a mental health hospital or not just with the information I gave them yesterday and don't know if they will ask more questions today. I will let you know how it goes.

Sorry I meant to put my social worker and her manager have completely taken my care away from me not my carer and her manager.

OP I mean this kindly. This man is the least of your worries. He sounds like a dick. Focus on you and getting well and don’t give him another thought.

You’ve got enough going in without wasting headspace on him

I am a stranger on the internet, I have no idea. I feel you are projecting far too much on to a simple Instagram click and delete.

You must put this as far out of your mind as possible and really concentrate on getting better and fixing your circumstances.

I agree. I have enough going on and don't need his mind games. I thought he could be here for me again like he used to be. I was so happy when I saw his follow request and was going to accept it straight away and write a message to him.

How are things today? Were they able to finish your assessment?
I hope they were able to sort a care package for you that works!

They finished the assessment but it's very distressing because they refused to get me a hospital admission and they want me to have more help at one even though they have seen the state of my home and the state of me and they know about all of my situation and all of the trauma I am having. I am still not eating and not having a shower. I feel traumatised about eating and about going in the shower becsuse of how long it has been since I last went on there and how unclean I must be and because i don't want to look st myself or touch anything because i was intimate with this guy and i am traumatised by what he did and him deleting his follow request. There needs to be another meeting with another team and a psychiatrist about what they can help me with. They can help with things such as giving me meal replacement drinks with me not eating, have a nurse come every day to check my vitals, they might be able to send an occupational therapist to my home, they can arrange my care with social services but I'm not sure what will happen with my care from social services yet and I hope I will have care for when my current care agencies care stops on the 20th next week, they might be able to arrange for someone to sit with me while I eat, they can monitor my medication, they can arrange trauma therapy and they might be able to arrange for a deep cleaning company to come to my home. I still need more help with shopping and laundry and changing my bedding too.