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Relationships

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Why did he send and then delete an Instagram follow request?

59 replies

BethyHewitt · 10/08/2026 13:41

This guy I have known for 10 years sent me a follow request on Instagram two days ago then I think he deleted it because when I clicked on the notification the follow request wasn't there. When we first met 10 years ago we said we found each other attractive and we kissed once but then he disappeared because he thought that I wanted to get back with my ex boyfriend who he also knew. Me and that ex boyfriend didn't get back together but that ex boyfriend loved me for a very long time. Sadly that ex boyfriend passed away last year and this guy knows about that. This guy reconnected with me last year by sending me a message on Facebook. He apologised for disappearing ten years ago and explained why that happened. After a few months of sending each other messages and talking on video calls and sending each other photos and videos of ourselves we told each other that our feelings for each other had come back. We met up in person once and he stayed over at my house for a few days. He helped me with housework and cooked us a meal while he was at my house. We were intimate with each other very quickly while he was at my house. We kissed and gave each other oral sex but we didn't have full intercourse because we couldn't physically do it. After that he kept changing his mind about wanting to be in a relationship with me to wanting to be friends . It was long distance because we don't live near each other. He said he is a damaged person because he has been in lots of toxic relationships and hasn't had a relationship for years. When he first contacted me he told me that a relationship was a no go and that if I kept trying to have a discussion with him about us having a relationship with each other he would block me. In the end last March he told me that he thought I wasn't putting enough effort in to seeing him and wasn't speaking to him as much and he told me that he was getting on with his life and only wanted to be around people who put an effort in to seeing him. He invited a woman who he said was just a female friend to stay with him . He is homeless and lives in a tent and she stayed in his tent and in a hotel with him for 2 weeks. We had told each other that we were in love with each other and after everything we had been through this made me feel very hurt and betrayed. I don't know if they were intimate with each other or if they had a relationship with each other or not. I got very angry and told him that my ex who passed away last year never let any other women stay over with him and that he loved me for thirteen years. I also told him that a woman doesn't stay over with a man for that long if she is just his friend. When I mentioned my ex he said he was sick of telling me that he isn't him and said maybe I should have spent more time with my ex before he passed away. Then he said he was blocking me because he wanted peace and said goodbye and good luck. What do you think about all of this and why do you think he blocked me and why did he send the follow request 2 days ago then delete it?. Could he possibly still be in love with me and he got anxious and nervous thinking I might reject him then deleted the request?. Or do you think there is another reason?. I am 42 years old and he is 50 years old

OP posts:
Nousernameideaaga · 10/08/2026 13:43

I think you need to move on from this once and for all. There will be no happy ending here

BethyHewitt · 10/08/2026 13:45

Thank you for your reply. Why do you think there will be no happy ending?.

OP posts:
Ihatemondays1962 · 10/08/2026 13:45

I honestly though you were going to say you were about 19 when I started reading your post. Just forget about him.and move on with your life.

tomato22 · 10/08/2026 13:47

He is a waste of your time. Block and move on
He will just continue to mess you around so long as you let him.

IwanttoWFH · 10/08/2026 13:49

He was nosing at your profile and sent you the follow request by accident. He then quickly deleted the request, hoping you wouldn’t see it (my ex did this).

I would definitely not even be considering a relationship. It sounds like a disaster.

BethyHewitt · 10/08/2026 13:51

My profile is private so he wouldn't have been able to see anything on it.

OP posts:
chipsticksmammy · 10/08/2026 13:52

Delete, block, move on.

This all just sound tedious.

AmITotallyBonkers · 10/08/2026 13:59

Please tell me this isn’t real

BethyHewitt · 10/08/2026 14:01

Are you saying that because of me or him?

OP posts:
BethyHewitt · 10/08/2026 14:02

I have a disability by the way. I have autism.

OP posts:
TheDenimPoet · 10/08/2026 14:03

IwanttoWFH · 10/08/2026 13:49

He was nosing at your profile and sent you the follow request by accident. He then quickly deleted the request, hoping you wouldn’t see it (my ex did this).

I would definitely not even be considering a relationship. It sounds like a disaster.

This, 100%.

I can't believe you've given it so much thought as to write a lengthy post about it.

I've had it happen to me twice before when someone has followed me and then deleted the request quite quickly.

I just gave a smile, knowing exactly what had happened, and then carried on with my day.

BethyHewitt · 10/08/2026 14:07

I only wrote a lengthy post so that everyone can understand the whole situation. I'm so sorry to hear that this happened to you too. I'm.actually going through a very difficult time at the moment and don't need any more stress. I was so happy when I saw that request because I had been trying to contact him for a while but his phone number keeps going to voicemail and I couldn't find him on any social media until he sent that request.

OP posts:
Reinventedfortheburbs · 10/08/2026 14:16

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

MsGreying · 10/08/2026 14:16

BethyHewitt · 10/08/2026 13:45

Thank you for your reply. Why do you think there will be no happy ending?.

No man falls in love quicker than one who needs a roof.

persisted · 10/08/2026 14:17

He didn't mean to send it so he deleted it, fat fingers.
If he wanted to get in touch with you he would do so properly and you wouldn't be in any doubt. He doesn't want to so he hasn't.

It sounds like you have hopes for this and you need to let it go, he made his feelings very clear. Believe him.

Reinventedfortheburbs · 10/08/2026 14:17

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

cramptramp · 10/08/2026 14:18

Omg. This isn’t even worth wondering about. He sent the request by mistake. Block him and forget him.

YouSawBrigadoon · 10/08/2026 14:19

42 and 50? I assumed you were teenagers.

Forget about it. If he liked you, he’d have been in touch.

Reinventedfortheburbs · 10/08/2026 14:26

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

BethyHewitt · 10/08/2026 14:32

Why did he search for my profile then?. Really stupid to search for it if he doesn't want to know how I am. I already said I have autism so yes I might seem younger than I am so give me a break about my age please.

OP posts:
Goditsmemargaret · 10/08/2026 14:37

He is wasting your time - the most precious thing you have. Block him and forget about him.

AllJoyAndNoFun · 10/08/2026 14:39

BethyHewitt · 10/08/2026 14:32

Why did he search for my profile then?. Really stupid to search for it if he doesn't want to know how I am. I already said I have autism so yes I might seem younger than I am so give me a break about my age please.

I sometimes search “acquaintances and exes from the past” profiles just coz I’m nosey tbh. It’s not that I want to get in touch with them particularly. I think a lot of people do this occasionally. Sometimes you’ll be talking about someone and someone else will say something along the lines of “who do you mean? I dont remember then” and then you look them up to show them.

anyway, I agree with the many pp who are saying this isn’t worth dwelling on- he sounds needy and damaged and you can do better

AmITotallyBonkers · 10/08/2026 15:57

AllJoyAndNoFun · 10/08/2026 14:39

I sometimes search “acquaintances and exes from the past” profiles just coz I’m nosey tbh. It’s not that I want to get in touch with them particularly. I think a lot of people do this occasionally. Sometimes you’ll be talking about someone and someone else will say something along the lines of “who do you mean? I dont remember then” and then you look them up to show them.

anyway, I agree with the many pp who are saying this isn’t worth dwelling on- he sounds needy and damaged and you can do better

Homeless manipulator searches for vulnerable lady with a home. Look after yourself find someone on equal footing and enjoy

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 10/08/2026 16:10

This isn't a good relationship op. He is controlling and confused and doesn't know what he wants. He doesn't have a house or a job and is actively seeking out other women. There is nothing about this that is good. Block him and move on.

MargoLivebetter · 10/08/2026 16:12

There is not a single poster on this thread who can deduce why a man we have never met and you are telling us about via the internet did what he did. You actually know him and you don't know why he did what he did!

When a person makes you feel confused or uncertain that is a warning sign to you about them and their intentions. Good people with good intentions towards us will behave in good and well intended ways. People show you with their behaviour who they are. This guy is showing you that he is an inconsistent dickhead who does not seem to have your best interests at heart.

He is homeless. He has NOTHING to offer you. Please do not let some left over feelings from decades ago persuade you otherwise.