If you work part time & your DP works full time …

[rickyyrickkaayyyy]

how much of the bills/rent/ mortgage and childcare should the person who works part time pay ?
my dh earns well , quadruple what i earn and pays the main household bills mortgage and bills where i am part as we have a toddler.
i am home with our child 2 days a week. just because i pay less than 25% of our expenses i feel he still does not value me or my non financial contributions to our family.

@DaisyChain505 We don't divide up holidays and dinners like that, they're put on a joint credit card and paid from the joint accounts. If these accounts need topping up, the higher earner puts in more. Who that is has varied over the years!

We spend ad hoc… I sometime, but rarely, add to the joint account where all bills/mortgage are paid from. But I pay for whatever I buy, so kids stuff, shopping, sometimes things for the house… although it h big purchases go on the credit card (for points) which is paid off by my husband. He saves in all of our names (we all have ISAs) and his own pension. If there’s leftovers he keeps it for bigger purchases/holidays. I think it’s really hard to do %s but plenty people seem to manage. However, it’s not the %s that’s the issue it’s that he doesn’t value you. My husband knows that our household is much more than the sum of our parts. I cook, I organise, I plan… all the things that give us all a good life. Obviously I plan with our shared money… it’s a team effort

DH paid mortgage, utilities and nursery fees when they applied. I pay council tax. Food and fun stuff is split between us but be pays more because he earns more. Holidays are paid for by DH We don't have a joint account. Never have had never will. Also never argue about money.

I pay around 25% of mortgage and bills.

Oh and I also pay the council tax.

I work 2 days a week, DH works full time.
We have a joint current account, a joint savings account and then separate current accounts and savings accounts too.
DH earns about 4x more than I do and he contributes about 90% of the household expenditure to the joint account - and that literally covers everything to do with the house, utilities, kids, pets, groceries, holidays, council tax, TV licence, etc. The only direct debit coming out of my personal current account is my mobile phone bill.
Bonuses and inheritances are always split (although I recently inherited £2k from a far flung relative and DH absolutely refused to have any of it and insisted I save/invest it or treat myself) or we use them for something towards the house.
DH always pays for days out, meals out, special treats as well.

I would also say that DH 100% respects the non-financial contribution I make to the household and the importance of that.

I know some prefer to pool their money, but this way works for us. We both like the financial independence having our own "piss up the wall" money and savings gives, so if I want to spend my money on something DH might see as frivolous he can't say a damn thing about it and vice versa 😂

Whatever leaves us both with an equal amount of spending money. When I was part time this meant DH paid all our household bills, then what was leftover from his salary was roughly equivalent to what I earned so I just kept it all. Now I'm a SAHM and we split what's leftover after bills between us.

Effectively all in the family pot, but split for fun spending because we both prefer it that way.

The key question is ensuring you both have the same amount of personal spending money regardless of your salary

I'm married but have never wanted a joint account. I expect to work, just as I expect my husband to. We share all bills equally. Would never want to live off someone else.

@GoodkneeBadKnee We don't argue about money either, our setup works for us and that's the important thing.

We both like the financial independence having our own "piss up the wall" money and savings gives, so if I want to spend my money on something DH might see as frivolous he can't say a damn thing about it and vice versa 😂

@snortcorner Exactly, if I decide to get a manicure, it's none of DH's business and he sometimes buys stuff for his hobby that I think is rather pointless.

@BruFord Fair enough. If you're earning it, you should spend it how you see fit.

We also do exactly this - contribution proportionate to earnings. We've worked out our outgoings, put our contributions in the joint account where all bills etc come out of, and we each keep the leftovers in our own accounts

@SallyPatch So what's to stop me from working half a day a week? 😀

Everything in one pot, we never needed to discuss money.

Everything goes in a family pit and we have credit card with access each. We each have personal spends each month and it all goes in the pot. All financial decisions made together.

so many people saying in a pot ! i guess thats the majority of people do. i earn approx 1200 pm we have our own separate bank acc not a joint one at all. i give my dh £450 a month towards mortgage bills food etc i pay own expenses my car phone makeup clothes etc he buys all our toddler clothes and puts 75% on hols and i contribute 25%. in the past in arguments he has stated that staying home a a days a week isnt ‘real work’ 😆
we are fortunate we have dgp do childcare whilst i work.

oh and when we go for meals and nights out concerts etc he always pays

He’s treating you more like an escort than an equal in the family.

Married with joint children = all money is family money

How much are the monthly bills that he covers?

who pays for trips out with DC, Christmas, bits and bobs for the house (new washing machine, towels, boiler repair etc)?

I get that you’re not feeling valued. I wonder whether he feels the same? You two should have a more transparent way of managing your household costs.

Remind your “darling” husband that those children he willingly procreated need looking after by one of you.

You can’t be in two places at once so it’s either you work more hours and you hire someone to care for them or you work less than him and your children get to be looked after by their own mum.

Im sure if you stopped doing all the unpaid labour in the house like the washing and cooking he’d soon have something to say about it. Just because you’re not being paid for your labour doesn’t mean it isn’t valuable.

As we are a family and not housemates, all money goes in the one pot and then we both have equal spending money.

He doesn’t think you staying at home is work?
Have you asked him what the value of a parent being able to raise their child is? Can he put an actual price on what it is worth for your child to spend these years with you?
God these men who want to have children but don’t put any value on raising them. I despair

I don't personally think staying at home, especially when kids are in school,, is work in the same way as going out and earning a wage is.
Both can be done concurrently.
No reason at all as to why both parents can't contribute financially to the household pot.

We just have a joint account. I also have a child from a previous relationship (whose bio dad refuses to pay maintenance- ongoing issue). We still share everything. We both have savings/inheritance and we keep those in our own names, but we don’t use the money on ourselves. We decide what to spend on what together (when needed).