Struggling after my ex moved in with my former friend so soon

[greenleaf01]

sooooo long time lurker, posted a few times, but name changed for privacy reasons.....

So my exDH moved in with my Ex friend after our marriage broke down- which was my fault, but i am not coping at all, we split early 2025 and i asked him to leave and he suffered some MH issues, sleeping in his car and sofa surfing at friends even though he mum lives a mile away, but after 5 weeks of us splitting up he then moved in with my ex friend as their relationship had broken down, lots of friends have sided with exDH and i am finding everything really hard, our friends say they were 'pushed together' but surely there must have been something going on in the background as do people just fall for each other :-(

If he was sofa surfing and living in his car it seems pretty obvious that moving in with your friend was a good solution for him.

It was your fault?

Good on him then for moving on so quickly

Lots of friends have sided with your ex, who is suffering, and who you said the relationship failing was your fault.

Yep, I think I’d be with your friends

Slightly harsh replies - ‘ it was my fault ‘ could mean a whole range of things .
I think a lot more context would be needed for people to comment helpfully .
sorry you’re struggling.

Well yes but if most of her friends are siding with ex… I would be inclined to think that it was most definitely the op’s fault

Sorry if ive not been clear, hes moved in and into a realtionship with by ex best friend only 5 weeks after our marriage broke down

You ex best friend
so not a friend
and he needed a space by the sounds of it!

I think you need to accept that he has moved on, I agree rubbish choice of person and v quick but that shouldn’t be your concern. When you say friends have sided with the ex have you been asking them to support you over him or are they just giving their opinion without you asking? Were they mutual friends? Your friends first or his friends first? You say the break up was your fault, do you regret it?

which was my fault

What does this mean?

Was she your best friend right until the split or was she your best friend onl6 years ago?

You say the relationship break up was your fault. He’s moved on. Shitty of your friend to take him in but maybe she’s a bit stupid? No man falls in love as quickly as one who is homeless.

Keep your dignity. No need for anyone to be taking sides.

Sorry you are getting such weird replies OP. I think one person says something and others are scared to disagree.

Of course you are likely to be upset, and suspect something was going on before, as moving in so early in a relationship (if they genuinely started seeing each other only 5 weeks ago) seems reckless in the extreme.

Are you 100% sure they are together as a couple, and he isn't just lodging with her?

Do you have kids in common? If not I suggest you try as much as you can to distance yourself from him, as no good can come of speculating at this point. I doubt their relationship will last long, as moving in together so soon, before you have established boundaries etc as a couple, is a big risk. But, you never know.

I would share your suspicions that something was happening between them before, it it's any consolation.

How are you coping generally? Even if the split was your.chiuce, grief for a relationship can be very real. If you are struggling, a GP appointment or counselling may be advisable.

That sounds like a difficult situation, OP!

In what way was it your fault that your marriage broke down?

Was your ex-friend already your ex-friend for some other reason, or is that person no longer your friend because of the current situation?

Some unpleasant aibu type responses here.

It must hurt, I'm sorry. It doesn't necessary mean anything went on behind your back, though.

I knew a couple a long time ago who took in a woman whose relationship had broken down and had nowhere to go. Within a few weeks the husband was shagging her and he left his wife!

How's your MH now? Have you had some help with that? Focus on yourself and moving forward positively as much as you can. I'm sorry if you feel let down by your friends. @Gizlotsmum asks some good questions about them.

Friendships do change. I have some friends that I've known decades and some much more recent. You will rebuild.

The reason he moved in so fast was because he needed somewhere to live. See the many threads on here about cocklodgers and that there is no man so much in love as one who has not got a house.

maybe he is just a hobo sexual, maybe it is just a relationship of convenience. You don’t get to dictate what he does after you break up.
It would be different if you had a solid reason to believe they were together before you broke. I would be looking for a new better group of fiends though. I can’t imagine being with a best friends ex.

What weird first responses! If the OP says it was her fault, that could mean anything from 'I slept with 25 other men' or 'my abusive ex broke me down over years to thinking I am unlovable.' And friends siding with one party without knowing the full story, yeah that never happens.

OP, yes that is harsh and I can see why you feel bad about it. I would distance myself from the friends who are defending him. Try and take yourself away from the drama as much as possible. You have a lovely new life to build.

I think you are being too hard on yourself. Relationship breakdowns are complex and it sounds like you weren’t right for each other. If his mum lives so close, unless she’s some kind of monster, he could have stayed with her until he’s got on his feet.
This is most probably a romance of convenience. He’s literally parked all of his backage at your friend’s - in every sense - so I wish her the best of luck. She’s going to need it.
I would take no notice of these friends. They aren’t friends if they are saying stuff like this to you.
Your friend is awful, by the way. There’s no way a decent friend would do this.
He needs a home and she’s got one. That’s about it.
Be kind to yourself and stop being so tough on yourself. You need your own friends now, your own life, and leave these two to it.
MN is full of cocklodging men and your friend now has one.

He just moved in for a roof over his head, bet you anything.

What do you mean the relationship breakdown was your fault?

It is certainly very typical of a man to move on very quickly to another relationship.

The fact he’s moved on so fast AND with a friend of yours is certainly crass and a bit pathetic really.

I would leave them to it. Keep a dignified silence. Express zero opinion whatsoever to anyone at all

Focus on planning your life ahead and really try not to dwell on what he’s doing.

And also you don’t know what pap he has been feeding your friends.

Why anyone has to take sides (unless it’s an abusive relationship) is really childish.

Ignore the halfwittery on the first few comments of this thread.

The probable truth is.........

Her H was shagging best friend, and they decide to form a relationship, to make that look credible they concoct a story that makes OP look mental and the sofa surfing crap is just more of the delusion.

They've done you a favour OP. I'd be thanking them and then getting on with creating a life that I want.

You were clear.

Agree.

Any children involved? I hope the new partner doesn’t have kids who suddenly have to get used a strange man living in their home.

But not a whole lot else

Well you know what they say: no one falls in love faster than a man who needs a roof over his head

Only the two of them know if there was anything going on before the break up of your marriage, but from the basic facts you've presented I would be inclined to say "happenstance"

As hurtful as you may be finding this I'd leave him/them to crack on.