Are my expectations unrealistic after six months?

[PeeledOranges]

I've been in a relationship for the last 6 months which came about through OLD. Nice guy, we managed to see each other once or twice a week depending on where his and my dcs are.
There's nothing obviously wrong as such but as time has gone on I can't see much of a future together and I don't feel massively supported by him in my day to day life.
For example it's been a really rough week for me. I've had to travel for the week to help out my DD (22) due to her ill health. I tried to arrange to see bf before I left but he was non committal and it turns out he spent the evenings alone watching TV in bed. This upset me because I felt like he hadn't made any effort to see me or even just give me a hug before I left.
He's been chatty enough while I've been away via text but without acknowledging that I'm really upset about my daughter's situation.

There have been similar things earlier in the relationship but basically he comes across as lazy and puts as little effort in as possible. So we end up watching a film and I'll cook most of the time we see each other.

The upshot it I don't feel special at all or supported. I suggested booking tickets for a show which I knew he liked but again he was non committal and I didn't push it. I'm just bored of this bare minimum relationship. I want to have plans and do stuff and feel like someone has got my back. I feel bad saying this though, he's a nice guy and we have a nice time whenever we are together.

I don't know if my expectations are realistic at this stage?

Not unrealistic but have you had any sort of conversation with him about this? It seems worth at least an attempt at communicating this to him.

This is the honeymoon period so to speak so make of that what you will....

YANBU - how did it get to the place where he comes to yours and you give him a meal and sex? I mean, after the first time you cooked for him, you should have waited for him to offer something.

Take a step back and let him show you who he is. Stop arranging stuff.

. I suggested booking tickets for a show which I knew he liked but again he was non committal and I didn't push it. I'm just bored of this bare minimum relationship. I want to have plans and do stuff

What is stopping you arranging plans ?

I suggest things and either get no response or hers working and can't /won't take time off. He works some non social hours but can book holiday.
Meeting at mine became more of a thing due to his DC really.

No, I've not spoken to him but I'm going to talk to him about how I felt this week when he didn't make an effort to see me.

Yep it’s time to move on.

Sounds like your just a sex buddy.

He sounds like my ex! But he waited for a good year to let the lazy character, emotional avoidance and low effort really show. There were warning signs I chose to overlook, instead living in the potential of ‘but he used to do X, Y, Z, if I tie myself in knots more he’ll go back to the way he was’ - a mistake I won’t make with a man again. If yours is like this so early on, it won’t get better. I’d say goodbye now and save yourself the bother.

Sometimes it feels like this and sometimes it feels like more. It's confusing and I need to talk to him don't I?

I guess it is just everything is very low key, and yes, I do feel a bit used in terms of providing a meal and a nice environment for us to be in.
I've had enough, I think I deserve more than this level of effort.

Honestly after only 6 months I would not bother talking to him about it, I’d just end it. This is not working for you. And it’s clearly how he likes to live his life. You’re not compatible. Just move on

mmm, your relationship is still fairly new - so he may not be very in tune with your moods in terms of acknowledging and giving support for the situation with your daughter.

But the lack of enthusiasm with the others things could be a worry - and the fact it does sound to be you going to all the effort with cooking meals and being at your house. I can see if it suits you both better to meet at yours - find but he can still make an effort.

Maybe you're both viewing the relationship differently - have you ever discussed what you both want from this? Perhaps he thinks its more casual than you do?

Definitely time to have a serious discussion - but I wouldn't give him too much more time - if a committed relationship is what you want - he needs to start demonstrating that he wants the same and start making an effort.

Yep, no point talking about it, he's shown what he's like.

You've got to want the same type of relationship, and you obviously want one type (loving and supportive) and he wans another (lazy and half-arsed).

I ended something recently with a perfectly nice guy as it became clear he wanted a casual girlfriend, whereas I want a real partner.

He doesn’t sound very invested

He's just one of those boring 'stuck to the sofa' men who think that 'effort' is getting off the sofa to go and sit on your sofa while you cook them dinner.

I'm astonished you made it to six months.

Yeah your honeymoon period sucks.

although i dont believe in the excuse of a honeymoon period, my man is as consistent, affectionate, loving, thoughtful and puts the same amount of effort into our relationship now as he did when we first met....to put it into perspective he did more on our first date than your mans done for you in 6 months....and he is always at mine because of my dc, so theres no excuse.

Hes shown you who he is. It wont get better from here

Throw him back.
Time has nothing to do with it, it's about chemistry. In chemical terms, he's a rotten egg.

Keep gojng if a fwb is enough.

I don’t think you’re unrealistic. I think it just sounds like the two of you aren’t compatible/aren’t wanting the same things from this relarionship.

haha "Keep gojng if a fwb is enough." not even sure the benefits are anything to sing about!

Thank you for everyone's advice though. I appreciate the viewpoints given.

My DH made more effort in the first 6 days that this guy has in 6 months. You need to throw him back and get an upgrade 😁

😂thank you for making me laugh at least!

I had one like this.
when I got badly bitten by a dog he couldn’t be bothered to drive me to get a tetanus - several friends offered without prompting.
Now have a man who appreciates me and proactively takes an interest in my life/work/family etc.
You will find yours!
Don’t settle for less.

I think, scrap that, I know you need to up your standards on your expectations here. A lazy man is a useless one and will no doubt come with other equally loveable qualities!

The woman is the driving force in a lot of relationships. He’s happy on cruise control.