Ex filed for divorce today and also wants to get back together

[RainbowsandCats]

Ex messaged me today to let me know he’s filed for divorce. He also told me he still loves me and wants me to come home and for us all to be a family again. So now I’m confused 😵‍💫

We’ve been separated for a year now (not amicable) lately he’s been sending kisses in his texts, romantic messages and pictures etc.

He also whispered “come home” when he dropped DC off this evening.

I find his behaviour confusing but he said we can’t stay in limbo forever etc.

What are everyone’s thoughts?

FYI: It takes 15 minutes to respond. You are acknowledging recipt . Then you decide if you want to agree to the divorce or dispute. If you dispute you get 21 days after the 14 days to make a formal answer.

I"d acknowledging, agree and enjoy your holiday with a celebratory cocktail.

Anyone who can tell you to kill yourself does not deserve another second of your time, never mind all his other behaviours.

This ⬆️
I’m also going to take a gamble that he hasn’t completed any perpetrator work since you separated?

Look at what he does, not what he says. Words are cheap and can disappear unless written (“I never said that”)

Do what’s best for you and not what he wants.He’s had his chance.

Keep your cards close to your chest. This man is not on your side.

If he’s controlling and nasty and told you to
kill yourself please don’t go back to him. He just doesn’t like the loss of control. He’s trying to manipulate you. If he’s wished you dead how could you ever be under the same roof as him. He will likely punish you for leaving him. He might find a more sinister way of ending the marriage. Don’t risk it. Hope your kids are safe with him. Surprised you didn’t file against him first if that’s what you’re dealing with.

This. If you consider reconciliation, it will feed into him still having the control.
I initially thought of something else, but now think it’s this.
Steer well clear OP.

A friend of mine went through something very similar. Her husband slept with her while they were going through the divorce and, needless to say, he used that intimacy to persuade her to drop her own legal counsel and allow his lawyers to handle everything.
She trusted him and believed, partly because of what was happening between them, that they were going to reconcile. Unfortunately, she ended up with a significantly worse settlement than she would have received had she retained her own solicitor. And, needless to say, once the divorce was finalised, he didn’t continue the relationship with her.
It was incredibly manipulative and, ultimately, she was left feeling completely betrayed

Don't worry if you're away when the paperwork arrives.

Although it says you "must" reply within 14 days, it also says you can reply after the deadline.

Don't be bullied or manipulated by him.
You left him for controlling behaviour and he's still trying the same shit. You're not on his schedule, you're on your own.

"if your husband or wife does not respond to the divorce
You should contact your husband or wife and ask them to respond, if it is safe for you to do so. They can still respond after the deadline."https://www.gov.uk/divorce/what-happens-after-you-apply

What do YOU want?? You don’t say. That should be more important to you than wondering about what HE wants!

Hopefully you want the divorce to proceed, as he sounds vile. I would thank him for initiating it and then get on with enjoying your holiday. Everything is done online so you can click “acknowledge and agree to proceed” while you’re away.

You need your head read.

He’s certainly genuine that he wants to fuck with OP’s head, ill give him that.

He is controlling and manipulative. When the email comes through just click to acknowledge and proceed. Enjoy your holiday and dont give him a second thought.

You’re gone a year .
Don’t go back OP .
At any point has he owned his behaviour is wrong? , sought therapy?.
He should be disgusted with himself, want to understand what makes him like this as a person.
I’m guessing it will be a no to my above questions, just him coming on with cheap talk of “ I’ve changed “ 🙄.

I do believe people can change , question is does your husband really want to .
If he does he will prove this to you , that won’t happen today or tomorrow, but in time .
I wouldn’t consider, not even for a second , reconciling now .
Him giving deadlines of when you guys need to be back together, well that’s not very promising is it ?.

Sounds like he' s still trying to control everything.

If he had changed at all, he wouldn't be pulling this absolute bullshit about timescales and false jeopardy over divorce.

He is exactly the same as he was. He is still being controlling. Why do you have to respond within 14 days to whatever his divorce application needs from you. What exactly will happen if you completely ignore it until after your holiday? My guess is nothing but if it cancels the application and he needs to pay again then that is his problem for choosing such lousy timing.

He wants a free holiday.
He is playing mind games.
Get the divorce finished asap

This: did my divorce online and it’s literally clicking a button to acknowledge things. Make sure you do something fab that day. show him that you’re not playing his controlling games anymore. You’ve got this OP.

No, it doesn't cancel the application.

Although it says you must reply in 14 days, it also says you can reply after the deadline.

https://www.gov.uk/divorce/what-happens-after-you-apply

"They can still respond after the deadline."

So it's nothing to worry about, nobody loses anything but a bit of time if you don't reply immediately.

That’s awful 😢

That’s a relief, thanks! I don’t want to be stressing about this on holiday. Which is what he wants!

This is just another form of control. Go and enjoy your holiday and then sort it when you go home. Ignore all talk of getting back together etc. He has not changed one bit.

He wants to keep you on a string to keep his options open, while still clearing the way for getting a new girlfriend.

You escaped,your free,let the divorce start.He has not changed.You will bitterly regret letting him back in to your life.

And he clearly hasnt changed

Ask him for the case number I think there is someone you can contact and let them know your out of the country (and he knows it)