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Original poster

How can I divorce my husband as gently as possible?

29 replies

Clockworkmamma · 09/08/2026 00:23

Long time lurker.
I have many complex problems. I am currently relapsing after a year of sobriety. I lost my Mamma last year. I am open to answer all questions.
Here is my problem.:
After 18 years of marriage, one absolutely amazing 12 year old, I realised that despite his efforts, my husband cannot meet my emotional needs..I have started divorce proceedings. Please give me a your tips to do this gently. I still love him, but we are not in the same space.

OP posts:
researchers3 · 09/08/2026 10:39

sesquipedalian · 09/08/2026 07:31

OP, perhaps you should look at this from your DH’s point of view. You have problems, including with alcohol, which hardly makes you easy to live with. You have recently lost your mother - this will not contribute to making balanced decisions. Your DH is, by your own account, “making efforts”, but “cannot meet your emotional needs” - yet you’ve been together for eighteen years. Are you sure you’re not chasing rainbows, OP? Your DH hasn’t been unkind: he’s trying to be supportive - what is it you think you’ll find with someone else? Your DC will never have another adult in their life who loves them as much as her own parents, and will doubtless be very upset by the divorce of their parents. There’s no such thing as a “gentle” divorce, because there’s always one person who wants it more than the other. Take a long hard look at what you have in your life, OP - the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence.

Who says she's looking for someone else?

sparklebunny1997 · 18/08/2026 11:22

I think the gentlest way is to be honest without turning it into a list of everything he’s done wrong.

You can love someone and still know the marriage isn’t working. I’d keep it focused on how you feel and what you need, rather than what he’s failed to give you.

And with everything you’ve got going on, make sure you’ve got proper support around you too. Divorce is hard enough without trying to carry it all alone.

Original poster
Clockworkmamma · Yesterday 19:11

Hi, just wanted to thank you all for your messages. I have taken all your advice on board. I am having open and honest conversations with my husband and we are figuring things out.

OP posts:
hahabahbag · Yesterday 19:19

You can do the main divorce online and file jointly with no accusations these days, set fee and takes about 6 months as long as neither of you object. The secondary but also important part is the financial side with you have to lodge with the court after you get your provisional order through - this is where things go really nasty often - but if you can act like adults and fairly divide assets, you just need your agreement written up by a solicitor (consent order) and unless it’s really odd they are signed off

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