Weird behaviour

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I need a bit of advice..I have been with my partner for a year now, he has two children from two previous relationships and I have three boys of my own.

My partner has never really bonded with his son (he’s 7). He was conceived after 4 months of casual dating and although he stayed with the Mum for around 4 years in total, the absent bond is very noticeable, to the point where it can sometimes be awkward when we’re all together.

My boys love his eldest child (11 year
old girl) but really struggle with the boy. He’s very hyperactive and he is very dependent, in ways such as he can’t wipe his own bottom, he can’t fasten his own seat belt, he can’t cut his food up and doesn’t really eat anything, but the thing that really bothers everyone in the home is that he has a strange obsession with touching my children’s bottoms. It’s pretty much constant and my sons repeatedly tell him to stop, as does my partner but it’s getting out of hand now and my sons (15, 11 & 9) are saying they don’t want him in the house anymore as they don’t feel safe.
I need to stress it’s been going on for months, and my partner tells me he has raised this with his Mum but this last fortnight, he has asked my 11 year old if he wants to see his bum, bent down and asked my 9 year old to touch it and also walked into my 15 year old showering (you can hear the shower downstairs, never mind upstairs! And also strips off entirely naked when using the toilet and leaves the door wide open so everyone can see everything! Again, my partner tells him every single time and he just keeps doing it. He tends to deny it even when he’s caught but my concern is that all 3 of my children are asking me to help them.
Ive told my partner that from now on, he may need to see this child away from our home but that means we won’t see each other as his 2 days off are spent with his children.
I’ve asked my boys whether any other areas have been touched and they assure me it’s just the bottom.

Am I being unreasonable or is this just the end of the road?

I apologise for suggesting you don’t like him, there was zero intention to bully you in any way.

I agree with posters that say this is on the dad to address and that’s it’s possibly for attention.

I think it’s important to remember that he’s only 7. We change a hell of a lot between then and adulthood. I did all sorts of odd things at that age that I would never consider doing now. Appreciate that it must be really annoying.

I would urge you to exercise caution when considering some of the replies here that reflect some of the concerns that you have, but do come across as quite reactionary I think.

I wouldn't want an oddball child like that in my house near my kids. This is not on.

There are some real safeguarding concerns OP, please do not ignore them and call the social care team regardless.

And yet another two sets of children, forced together after no time at all, to become ‘blended’ with absolutely no thought for each individual child’s needs and welfare. Just the consideration of their parents.

What I am saying is that three young boys are voicing that they are getting fed up of having their bottoms touched and being asked to look at his and whilst i dont think for a minute it would meet a child protection threshold,
It does meet the threshhold. Anything that involves inappropriate touching or looking is air raid siren threshold. Get it reported to his school immediately before there is more harm, like this Monday. How would you feel if he suddenly targets and abuses a 4 year old and you did nothing to alert those who need to know? It's not just about you now, it's about others who might not have a voice who could be traumatised for life.

when hes repeatedly being told to stop, at one point do i step in and say enough is enough?
Ummm... seriously? When there is inappropriate behaviour, especially one that can trigger a sexual abuse threshhold, you step in after the second time. He is refusing to stop and is boundary pushing other children.

My parental instinct screams something isnt right
It isn't. So what are you going to do? School? Social Services? NSPCC? At this stage YOU need to do something, not just DP or his mum.

You’re doing the right thing OP. It’s weird behaviour not being addressed (being enabled by his mum and his dad isn’t doing anything about it either).

He’ll grow up to hurt somebody one today you need to protect your children and show them you put them first. If that means ending your relationship then that’s what you should do.

itll be painful but children come first as you know op 🩷

I agree with much that's been said. OP you're doing the right thing in protecting your own children. I would personally end things. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a man who isn't dealing with such a glaring issue in one of his own children.

Re the child. Clearly issues that need professional intervention and quickly. I would call the NSPCC for guidance on what to do but (in another posters words) branding him an oddball doesn't help him. So if it were me I'd report immediately to social services. Then step right back and focus on your own children and life.

I think you were doing the right thing by stopping content between your children and this little boy. I believe that this child is probably ND and that he has possibly seen or experienced something that has led to his obsession with buttons.

I also would not have anything to do with a father who have not taken action to help this child much sooner. Frankly, I wouldn’t consider him safe around my own children. Alarm bells should’ve been ringing for sometime regardless of his feelings about the child.

As somebody who has previously worked in safeguarding this absolutely does meet the threshold for referral and investigation. If I were you, I would report to a safeguarding organisation and tell the child’s father that’s what you’ve done.

I can see that you know your own children need your protection more than you need this man.