Weird behaviour

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I need a bit of advice..I have been with my partner for a year now, he has two children from two previous relationships and I have three boys of my own.

My partner has never really bonded with his son (he’s 7). He was conceived after 4 months of casual dating and although he stayed with the Mum for around 4 years in total, the absent bond is very noticeable, to the point where it can sometimes be awkward when we’re all together.

My boys love his eldest child (11 year
old girl) but really struggle with the boy. He’s very hyperactive and he is very dependent, in ways such as he can’t wipe his own bottom, he can’t fasten his own seat belt, he can’t cut his food up and doesn’t really eat anything, but the thing that really bothers everyone in the home is that he has a strange obsession with touching my children’s bottoms. It’s pretty much constant and my sons repeatedly tell him to stop, as does my partner but it’s getting out of hand now and my sons (15, 11 & 9) are saying they don’t want him in the house anymore as they don’t feel safe.
I need to stress it’s been going on for months, and my partner tells me he has raised this with his Mum but this last fortnight, he has asked my 11 year old if he wants to see his bum, bent down and asked my 9 year old to touch it and also walked into my 15 year old showering (you can hear the shower downstairs, never mind upstairs! And also strips off entirely naked when using the toilet and leaves the door wide open so everyone can see everything! Again, my partner tells him every single time and he just keeps doing it. He tends to deny it even when he’s caught but my concern is that all 3 of my children are asking me to help them.
Ive told my partner that from now on, he may need to see this child away from our home but that means we won’t see each other as his 2 days off are spent with his children.
I’ve asked my boys whether any other areas have been touched and they assure me it’s just the bottom.

Am I being unreasonable or is this just the end of the road?

Yes this is a safeguarding concern for the seven year old child. Your partner needs to pursue this.

If you don't want to have him in the house then end your relationship. Your partner has a duty to concentrate on the welfare of his son, bond or no bond. I wouldn't want to be with a man who didn't think so anyway.

Nope, no Stepfather.
He shares a bed with his Mum which I do find abit odd at 7.

Essentially your partner doesn't want to take any proactive steps to help his son. He just wants you all to sit down, whilst he tells his son that his behaviour is wrong, for the 100th time.

The poor child has two parents who are supposed to advocate and protect him. Neither can be bothered.

For me OP, I couldn't get passed the fact the child's Dad isn't interested in helping him. He'd rather bury his head in the sand, than understand that his child could be potentially being sexually abused. Children who have special needs are at a higher risk of abuse and neglect due to their vulnerability.

I would lose any respect for a man, who isn't advocating for his child, and have to end the relationship.

If your partner isn't going to raise a safeguarding concern, then you need too with SS. If the child displays the behaviour at school once back at school in September, then it will flag a safeguarding concern.

As terrible as it sounds, I have only really been looking out for my boys. I know he has touched her bum historically as I did raise it (shes 11 and going through puberty) but Im
unsure if its still happening with her.
She has a different Mum and within a year of my partner leaving the family home, the boy was born with a new partner so the girl doesnt really like the boy much and tends to stay away from him!

I had a friend like this as a child. I found out in later life that she’d been abused. I think some social services or safeguarding through school needs to be happening. Hopefully it’s not that but I think it needs investigating. If your kids don’t feel safe around him then you have to respect them.

My kids would 100 per cent take priority over this man and his odd pest of a child. It’s not normal. Bin

Honestly, I don't know why you're hesitating for even a minute. I wouldn't have him or his child in the house.

It’s not terrible to look out for your boys. It would be terrible if you ignored their concerns, and continued to let the boy into your house. Your children have spoken up, they feel unsafe. Prioritise their safety.

Am I the only one not getting the issues? My son also strips off to poop and never once have I thought it to be an odd issue. It's just his preference. He is also very particular about having a clean bum so will often ask me if it looks clean. Also, never thought that it's an issue just his own little ways. Give him a help along poor little lad must be terrible feeling like his father don't give a shit.

You seem to be missing the biggest issue, that he's touching her kids' bottoms constantly even though her kids have told him no. There seems to be escalation as he's now walking in when they're showering. Her sons have told him to stop but Dad won't stop him.

His using the bathroom nude with the door open could be exhibitionism. His dad should be making him close the door.

the thing that really bothers everyone in the home is that he has a strange obsession with touching my children’s bottoms. It’s pretty much constant and my sons repeatedly tell him to stop, as does my partner but it’s getting out of hand now and my sons (15, 11 & 9) are saying they don’t want him in the house anymore as they don’t feel safe.

There is no acceptable excuse for not getting his son evaluated and examined and seeing if there's sexual abuse involved. He wants to keep status quo while your kids aren't safe from unwanted touching of their bottoms in your home. Time to pick your kids.

You can keep your children safe from him. You can't do much for his daughter other than report and hope this child gets the help he really seems to need.

Of course you safeguard your own children and stop them being subjected to sexual assault, I would have thought that goes without saying. If your partner doesn't understand that then tell him to take a hike!

Your partner sounds like a terrible parent to be honest - if your child was behaving like this, wouldn't you be speaking to the GP, the school and raising a safeguarding report with social services? I know I would!

@outerspacepotato yh he's 7?! I get the feeling OP is blowing it out of proportion as she doesn't like the wee lad and be easier for them if he just wasn't around ..I took away that the dad doesn't have a bond and I think the problem starts here.

He's 7. Teaching kids about not touching private areas of their bodies starts much younger than that. They say no and he still does it to the point it's now constant.

He's unsafe for them to be around. Her kids have told OP that. They're not blowing things out of proportion, you're dismissing what's going on. He needs to be evaluated and his home situation looked into. He has an older sister he's touched and he's doing things that point to him possibly being sexually abused.

That needs to be looked into ASAP.

Ime he must never be around your dc again. Walk away op.

Why is the mother babying him? Does she have nd as well as possibliy him?.
I wouldnt be leatting him near ither children until hes been looked st by someone..fast.
Nd worse when parents are ignorant.

I have to agree with this. Yes, the other kids don’t need to have their bums touched etc nor should they be expected to tolerate it but this aside, his own sister AND the OP AND her kids don’t like him and adults on this thread are calling this seven year old odd and a pest. I feel so sad for him.

Also, I think even if it can be an indicator of child abuse, it’s by no means a cert and could just as easily be normal child behaviour that’s largely gone unchecked, or if there are other issues going on with him-a sign of that.

not sure sleeping with the mum is necessarily a red flag either in and of itself but it’s a good plot device isn’t it. Jesus Christ.

I think the OP should probably remove herself from this situation for all concerned, but not necessarily for the reasons cited.

What a horrible way to describe this child. He could well be neurodivergent or even a victim of abuse which isn't unlikely given his behaviour.

Yeah I agree with this.

Kind of making the 7 year old out to be a sexually deviant monster instead of a neglected little boy whose either ND in some way and/or has been abused himself.

Sounds like you aren’t interested in getting to the root cause but instead are slandering him as much as possible so you have an excuse to not have him over.

Have you missed that they have all told him not to, but he continues to do so, plus op’s children have spoken up about it. The child is not getting the message - touching bums is not acceptable, and at seven he should know right from wrong. At what age is it not being blown out if proportion, when he’s ten? Twelve? Sixteen?

He could be the victim of abuse, but to put it bluntly, he’s not op’s child and that’s for his parents to resolve. That doesn’t negate the fact that he going around touching people’s bums, The only children op should be concerned about her own children, and their welfare, and they clearly have stated they don’t feel safe.

To the posters who show genuine care, thankyou.
Parents come here for support but its a crying shame when there are the odd few that come to bully and make accusations.

To make it clear, i have never said anywhere in my posts that I dislike this child. I have actively encouraged my partner to ask for the child overnight, to spend more time with him & to try and work out what is possibly going wrong but guess what, she says no!
What I am saying is that three young boys are voicing that they are getting fed up of having their bottoms touched and being asked to look at his and whilst i dont think for a minute it would meet a child protection threshold, when hes repeatedly being told to stop, at one point do i step in and say enough is enough?

My parental instinct screams something isnt right and i need to protect my boys from being touched. Im not in any way, shape or form singling him out at all. I was merely asking for
guidance from other parents out there so again, thankyou to those that were helpful and not accusatory.

It's not for you to decide whether it meets the threshold for child protection protocols..

If you know his school your dh should report it...
Ime it's faster than ss.

I've had 8 boys and not one has shown that sort of behaviour.

I never said it shouldn’t be addressed though, I just don’t think he’s a 7 year old predator as some people on here are making out. I absolutely think it hasn’t been adequately addressed as yet by the sounds of it and no I don’t think the other kids should be expected to tolerate it, as per my opening sentence.

He does sound like he may have some additional needs. But also, nobody (apart from his mum) likes him, including his own father which is heartbreaking. How is that going to be for a 7 year old? He sounds very confused and unsupported.
It may be possible that his inappropriate behaviours touching bums is a way of getting attention, even if it is negative attention.
His father really needs to buck his ideas up and start caring about his child and trying to show him some love and attention. If his father and others around him showed him positive attention and praising / noticing the wanted behaviours then it might calm down the unwanted behaviours.