People in my life expect me to be jealous of my best friend

[Tomedwardselleck]

I have a very glamorous best friend who I’ve been friends with for 20 years and is widely acknowledged by most people she meets as very elegant and beautiful. She tends to inspire quite a lot of jealousy from others. We are similar personalities, enjoy the same things, spend a lot of time together as friends, go on holiday together. I’d say we have most things in common apart from the fact that I am not spellbindingly beautiful. I am however perfectly averagely good looking, tall, good job and no self esteem issues.

Anyway - people in my life, like work friends/employers/ two ex boyfriends and both of my parents at separate times, have gone out of their way to tell me and want to know that I understand that I am not on her level in terms of looks. I have a lot of examples but the recent one I found quite triggering: a week ago I invited an ex boyfriend of mine from 15 years ago to a small drinks at my house with my best friend (who he also knew back then) and some other old friends and neighbours. He called me to thank me yesterday and he said at the end of the phone call “I have to say as an aside - you do know that she (best friend) remains insanely beautiful. You do know that when you put yourself next to her all the time, you hardly compare?” He then laughed as if it was a half joke.

my parents, who my best friend and I went on holiday with, on observing her sashaying around the pool, regularly used to sigh and say “you do know, don’t you, that she’s a lot better looking than you?”

my old boss, before my wedding, where best friend was maid of honour said “you know she’s better looking than you right? Just saying. I wouldn’t want to stand next to her every day.”

i don’t understand what is motivating people to want me to know, or to want to make sure I know this? Or to experience my reaction when they say this to me?

do people think I am getting some kind of referred adoration from being next to her and they want to put me in my place?

as her BF i know her warts and all. All her problems, life issues etc. I don’t ever feel intense jealousy towards her for her looks. But it’s like other people want me to feel that?

Really strange behaviour from everyone. Why not just point out how lovely she is and leave it at that. No need to compare you both, you're not twins! That is really hurtful and requires a smart response eg too your boss 'well I think you're punching with your wife ' etc

That’s really really odd. Most friends have different levels of attractiveness, it’s not like beautiful people only hang out with beautiful people. Or even good looking ones with good looking, look at any groups or duos and it is varying levels. I’ve never ever heard anyone compare them and then tell one they are less attractive, just bizzare.

I’ve obvs heard people say gosh she’s really stttactive, stunning, beautiful etc, but never and you aren’t. Like who says that.

your ex was having a go at you, he’s a cunt. But everyone else, what odd weird people trying to hurt you,

The people around you are weird. I don’t know anyone who would compare two women’s appearance so openly.

Crappy Uncle says to me and my oldest sister ..middle sister was always the best looking, with scathing look at us. We looked at each other, laughed...and simultaneously announced 'its as well we arent of a sensitive nature isnt it' . He was more annoyed that his snarky remark hadn't caused the upset he intended. Wouldn't mind but he was no oil painting himself.

Meet it with humour and a dollop of sarcasm

' i know, its a wonder i have the audacity to step out in public at all '

' Any tips ....what do you do when you go out with your much better looking friends.'

As for your shitty ex boyfriend ...there's a good reason he is an ex.

She certainly does!

I remember being at a house party as a student and one of the guys in uni saying 'I was talking to so&so, she is far better looking than any of you'
We laughed and told him just what we thought of how he looked (rough) and how he would have no chance with said girl.
These people need to be given the same treatment in return.

WTAF is wrong with them?!

It’s like they are deliberately trying to damage your self esteem, knocking you down a peg with their behaviour and comments.

With the (possible) exception of your parents, why are you bothering with these people - especially an ex and who comes out with this shit?

I would be knocking holidays with my parents on the head too, at the very least.

I’ve never known anyone say shit like this .. very weird!

Wow do people really say stuff like this to you???
As for the sashaying H and I always say they look like the aliens walking in Mars Attack…. if you know you know 🤣

Most of my friends are significantly better looking than me, yet no one in my life has ever felt the need to point it out to me.
You need new, better people in your life.

Suggest you continue to enjoy your friendship and respond to your insensitive friends and family with the words "Do you own a full length mirror ?"

I can. I had a friend as a teen who was gorgeous; I got this shit constantly.

Wow, they are rude @Tomedwardselleck why would anyone need to say that? I’d have to say something (depending if it was their first time saying it, or not).

As others have said, seriously weird!

I think you have some very shallow people around you who can't see the value in your friendship.
Actually what does it matter if they consider her to be prettier? The sad truth is no-one ever compliments anyone for being a good team member, having a great sense of humour, being the most caring.
You know what relationship you have with your friend.

Theyre insulting you so I think you should insult them right back. Point out a physical flaw they have, hell even make one up, since theyre being superficial. Make sure they know theyre no oil painting either.

This is totally bizarre. I am fairly nice looking, one of my best friends is utterly stunning, she looks like a film star, her hair is always perfect etc. Nobody has ever to my face compared us and told me I was lacking. I would find it horrifyingly rude if they did and would struggle to maintain a relationship with someone who felt the need to attempt to undermine me like that.

It doesn't bother me in the least that she is better looking than me, we are both great people and both have our different strengths and weaknesses. But like mosg people, I don't expect my loved ones, or anyone else, to make comments about me being less attractive than others. It's just so, so weird and unnecessary.

I find it very hard to believe that any of this actually happened.

Your parents are dicks as is your ex-boyfriend. Your parents are worse though as they should automatically think that you are the most beautiful person in the room and they certainly shouldn't compare the two of you to your detriment.

I can't imagine why they would even make the comparison. Are they trying to tell you to stop being friends with her? It makes absolutely no sense to me.

Sounds very odd and shallow. You don't choose friends by their looks - or most people don't. I can't even think of anyone in my wide acquaintance that anyone would even say this about - which isn't to say many of them are not attractive.