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Original poster

DP back on Grinder app

58 replies

anonn123 · 04/08/2026 12:32

Some time ago I found out that my DP was using an app called Grinder... It's a gay app for anyone that doesn't know. he promised to come off it and to never download it again. It took me some time but I forgave and moved on from it but last night I checked his phone not sure why I did but I guess my guy feeling has been off and he's back on the grinder app but only this time he has been exchanging explicit images there is atleast two men he has been meeting up with.

I feel betrayed and like my DP doesn't love me, is he gay ? We have an active sex life so I don't understand.

When I questioned him the first time he said he was just looking nothing else. I haven't mentioned anything to him yet but I plan on doing this evening but I now feel our relationship is over as I can't forgive a second time but maybe that's what he wants so he can hook up with men

OP posts:
BauhausOfEliott · 04/08/2026 13:12

He's either gay or bisexual. Men don't download gay hookup apps for recreational purposes if they're straight.

And if he wanted to 'just look' at other men, he could simply watch some gay porn. He is either meeting up with men for sex, or he is at the very least exchanging photos and sexting with them.

I would consider getting a full set of STI tests if I were you.

Basically, he's cheating on you. It doesn't really matter whether he's cheating with men or women or what his sexuality is. It's all cheating either way.

Sasha07 · 04/08/2026 13:14

He's clearly got an interest in men and clearly has something missing/something pulling him to keep looking for men. Asking him to come off the app or him promising to stay off them isn't going to change that.

Original poster
anonn123 · 04/08/2026 13:16

ForPinkDuck · 04/08/2026 12:48

Married? Kids? Mortgage? Whats keeping you.

Kids and a mortgage

OP posts:
NowStartingOver · 04/08/2026 13:17

MrsPerfect12 · 04/08/2026 12:39

Time to exit. He’s sleeping with men and your life is a lie.

Why is her life a lie?

She's living in naivety with a man who is clearly cheating on her and keeps getting away with it.

Original poster
anonn123 · 04/08/2026 13:18

FriendlyNPC · 04/08/2026 12:58

This is bait surely.

Nope it's true sadly

OP posts:
Original poster
anonn123 · 04/08/2026 13:19

NowStartingOver · 04/08/2026 13:17

Why is her life a lie?

She's living in naivety with a man who is clearly cheating on her and keeps getting away with it.

Show quote history

Tbf the first time there was new proof of meeting anyone so I think "keeps getting away with it" isn't exactly true

OP posts:
OMGDidYouSayThat · 04/08/2026 13:19

minipie · 04/08/2026 13:00

That’s what I thought. Nobody could be this daft.

Show quote history

@FriendlyNPC @minipie i do wonder how many of these threads are generated intentionally to generate page impressions, the more page impressions you have the higher the chances of someone clicking on an advert, the more adverts you click on the more revenue they will earn. I don't disagree with the principal of it as a lot of websites earn money from ad revenue but it's difficult to know if you are responding to a real issue or a fabricated one.

CrypticClueless · 04/08/2026 13:20

Lying is no way to treat a partner
Meeting up for sex is no way to treat a partner

He is betraying you, whatever his feelings - if he is unable to talk openly and honestly about his sexuality with you, where is the trust and closeness?

Having intimate contact with others is betrayal, emotional, and healthwise - whoever it is. He has put you at a risk that you did not consent to or know about.

And whether we like it or not MSM are at increased risk of MPox which is still in outbreak.

I would kick him out.

Original poster
anonn123 · 04/08/2026 13:20

OMGDidYouSayThat · 04/08/2026 13:19

@FriendlyNPC @minipie i do wonder how many of these threads are generated intentionally to generate page impressions, the more page impressions you have the higher the chances of someone clicking on an advert, the more adverts you click on the more revenue they will earn. I don't disagree with the principal of it as a lot of websites earn money from ad revenue but it's difficult to know if you are responding to a real issue or a fabricated one.

Show quote history

No it's true I ain't that sad to fabricate it hun..it's real life 👍

OP posts:
NowStartingOver · 04/08/2026 13:22

anonn123 · 04/08/2026 13:19

Tbf the first time there was new proof of meeting anyone so I think "keeps getting away with it" isn't exactly true

Show quote history

The app keeps appearing on his phone. The app exists for casual sexual encounters between men.

It's like me saying that I own a car, but there's no evidence that I drive.

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 04/08/2026 13:22

First things first, get tested. Second things second, leave him. He is a cheater, and at the very least bisexual - there is no way he was “just looking” do not kid yourself.

Also, prepare for down the line when you may well have to explain to your kids their dad is gay/bi if he ends up with a man. Not a bad thing (him being a cheat is the bad thing) but it is a real thing. I have a friend whose dad is gay, and she really struggled with it when he came out and required some support. You will probably also need a bit of support yourself so sort that out.

Unpaidworkmakestheeconomytick · 04/08/2026 13:24

Something I read today; some men like the benefits of being in a relationship without actually participating in the relationship.
Sounds like he wants you to keep the homefires burning while he plays away.
I left my marriage when that became apparent to me. He was good with the words but actions said otherwise.

Daygloboo · 04/08/2026 13:24

anonn123 · 04/08/2026 12:32

Some time ago I found out that my DP was using an app called Grinder... It's a gay app for anyone that doesn't know. he promised to come off it and to never download it again. It took me some time but I forgave and moved on from it but last night I checked his phone not sure why I did but I guess my guy feeling has been off and he's back on the grinder app but only this time he has been exchanging explicit images there is atleast two men he has been meeting up with.

I feel betrayed and like my DP doesn't love me, is he gay ? We have an active sex life so I don't understand.

When I questioned him the first time he said he was just looking nothing else. I haven't mentioned anything to him yet but I plan on doing this evening but I now feel our relationship is over as I can't forgive a second time but maybe that's what he wants so he can hook up with men

Leave. Really.

Original poster
anonn123 · 04/08/2026 13:25

NowStartingOver · 04/08/2026 13:22

The app keeps appearing on his phone. The app exists for casual sexual encounters between men.

It's like me saying that I own a car, but there's no evidence that I drive.

Show quote history

Not really...having the app and talking is totally different to actually meeting men, the messages the first time round were just chatting..this time the messages shown him going to meet them. Albeit I class both instances as cheating.

OP posts:
Original poster
anonn123 · 04/08/2026 13:26

Daygloboo · 04/08/2026 13:24

Leave. Really.

Show quote history

I'm going to..well more to the point he's leaving

OP posts:
VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 04/08/2026 13:27

anonn123 · 04/08/2026 13:25

Not really...having the app and talking is totally different to actually meeting men, the messages the first time round were just chatting..this time the messages shown him going to meet them. Albeit I class both instances as cheating.

Show quote history

It really isn't any different. He downloaded an app designed for dating and sex. He was arguably cheating as soon as he downloaded it, he definitely was the moment he started talking to anyone on it.

That was the point at which you should have left him. The second best time to do it is now.

OMGDidYouSayThat · 04/08/2026 13:27

anonn123 · 04/08/2026 13:20

No it's true I ain't that sad to fabricate it hun..it's real life 👍

Show quote history

That's good, but not good if you know what i mean, sorry to hear about the situation you find yourself in, it sounds like you where 100% committed to a relationship with him so this situation will be very hard for you to deal with i'm sure. Big hugs.

SoScarletItWas · 04/08/2026 13:29

DierdreDaphne · 04/08/2026 12:38

Does it matter what sex the people he is messaging are? Or what his sexuality is? ( I'd suggested his sexuality is "greedy")

Surely the main problem is he is betraying and disrespecting you, and when he says he'll stop, he's lying.

Bisexual people are not ‘greedy’. We’re as faithful as anyone else, if we’re decent. ‘Greedy’ is a very outdated and homophonic judgement.

OP’s partner is a common or garden sleazy cheat, nothing to do with his sexuality.

VestibuleWeaver · 04/08/2026 13:30

anonn123 · 04/08/2026 13:26

I'm going to..well more to the point he's leaving

Show quote history

He’s leaving you anyway? Or are you going to ask him to leave? Presumably he jointly owns the property?

Daygloboo · 04/08/2026 13:31

anonn123 · 04/08/2026 13:26

I'm going to..well more to the point he's leaving

Show quote history

Good for you. Life's too short to be disrespected like that.

geumsun · 04/08/2026 13:34

MrsPerfect12 · 04/08/2026 12:39

Time to exit. He’s sleeping with men and your life is a lie.

Agreed. You should have never forgiven him the first time. Don't make the same mistake again - everything will be OK long term and you'll get through it.

ruethewhirl · 04/08/2026 13:35

amber763 · 04/08/2026 12:34

Hes at very least bisexual but I think the point is the lies and cheating. It would be over for me. Im so sorry.

Same reply. Sorry he’s done this to you, OP. Time to get angry now.

orangehandles · 04/08/2026 13:37

You want a monogamous and faithful relationship, he clearly doesn't feel the same way.

Dump him.

Jellybunny98 · 04/08/2026 13:40

I’m sorry OP. For what its worth, to me at least, the fact it is Grindr is a bit irrelevant in the grand scheme of things- he has downloaded a dating app and been messaging other people. It wouldn’t make any difference to me whether it was Tinder, Grindr, it’s not something a happy and committed partner does and is an end of relationship offence.

RockSolidRobot · 04/08/2026 13:45

Both me and my partner are bisexual, the sexuality isn't the issue here it's the fact he's lying, and not treating you well by doing so.

We both sleep with other partners, with boundaries, and with honesty and open communication. We both also get tested regularly.