What level of contact would you expect in a casual relationship?

[theymightbegiants]

I’ve just started dating again and met a guy and we decided to have a casual relationship. Trouble is, I’m not fully sure what that means. We have slept together a few times but he rarely messages and because of his work commitments etc it’s typically about once a fortnight that we meet up. In person he is keen and I don’t think he’s married or anything. Would you expect in a casual relationship to be messaging between seeing each other? I know I can ask him, just wanted to get some input first. Thanks!

Oh op. Protect yourself please.

I’m not saying that women don’t want casual relationships too but often a woman who isn’t self confident, agrees to shitty terms bc a man is reluctant to commit.

And some women who set out with a casual relationship in mind get clobbered by oestrogen and oxytocin.

At the risk of being called sexist, men can definitely have categories of women they sleep with but who they don’t really want to get to know, and a different category of women they want to marry, for example. So please don’t leave yourself vulnerable to this guy op.

If you are developing feelings then be honest and say so. If he feels the same then have a committed relationship on both sides. If not, wave him goodbye. In other words be very clear with your boundaries. Don’t settle for unsatisfactory muddied waters.

“I really don’t think he is married” is not a particularly great basis for any sort of relationship frankly, casual or otherwise. Trust needs to exist if you are sleeping with someone imho. And if the timing is not right for anything more serious than that, then move on and be available to someone who can offer more, if that is what you want. But don’t stay in a relationship where you have feelings and he is only half in and half out.

Imo it's hard to find a proper FWB or casual partner. What most men who say they're in that category want is a fuck buddy. Nothing more.

If you're already "missing" him, as in wanting more contact, I'd just end it now. If he wanted to message you, he would. Dangling the promise of the odd dinner out isn't some kind of sign he's more into you. You need to focus on his actions not his words. His actions are saying he doesn't think of you outside of sex or if you message him first. You know that, which is why you posted.

You can talk to him, but what happens? Either nothing changes or he throws you a few crumbs to keep you interested. And if you're not in a position to have a relationship with him anyway, even if he wanted to, why risk getting in deeper and ending up hurt?

Talk to him op, we can only guess. Maybe he’s busy and thinking about the next time he sees/ talks to you s as nd is smiling, maybe he’s busy doesn’t think of you, maybe it is sex. You both aren’t in the same page if you’re asking here x

i don’t think it’s just sex to him because last time we met he suggested we meet to do other stuff like go out for dinner etc. he also messaged back if I start a conversation over message but he never starts one

so, he doesn’t follow through with doing other stuff, just dangles it and leaves you to chase after him,

look, men do what they want to do. If he wanted FWB he would at least make some effort to actually hang out and be friends. This just sounds like WB.

Do youve not had sex in his home,?

Is the lack of texting because it's a casual relationship, or because he's just not a texter?

Me and DP barely text each other when we got together, we were fairly casual for the first year. We'd meet up once or twice a week, and only really communicate in between to arrange the next date. But thats just who both of us are. 20 years later we're definitely not in a casual relationship, but if one of us goes away for a week or two, we still barely communicate with each other. We just prefer to talk about what we've been up to once we see each other.

So he’s only suggested going out to ‘do other stuff’ but you haven’t actually done anything so far other than having sex? You haven’t been out for dinner or to see a film or something? Ever?

I don’t think this is a ‘casual relationship’ really. I think he’s an FWB. A casual relationship would be dating. This isn’t that.

I also think there’s a good chance he’s married.

He isnt even a FWB. the clue is in the name "friends" with benefits. There's no friendship here, he hasn't even taken her out.

Sorry to be so crude, but they are fuck buddies. Nothing more

the clue is in the name
fuck buddies

For the smart arse ... she's an on demand fuck in that case.

There is no relationship here.

@theymightbegiants what did you think "casual" meant when you agreed to that? That is the only thing that matters here. How was it defined by you both when you signed up to it.

We can all try and define what we think it means, but as you can see from the thread, it means different things to different people. So, in this instance the only two people for whom the definition matters is you and the man you are seeing. As you rightly point out yourself, you are going to have to discuss this with him.

So an update….all those who said I would get hurt, you were right! I initiated contact, but left it to him to suggest plans. Met up, had a lovely evening - great sex, gave him the blow job he’d been wanting for a while, lots of chat and hugs….and then I’ve been ghosted for 8 days. Have sent 3 casual brief messages and no response. Ha! A lesson learnt here. My next post will prob be “how to spot a twat on tinder” or “how long to wait before sleeping with someone when dating in your fifties”!!
thanks for a the advice 😊

He just wants to chat on day of meet 🤷🏻‍♀️.
It’s not for you so leave it off .

OP , you’re 💯 looking for a relationship so I wouldn’t even entertain chatting to someone again who suggests casual .
I did FWB one time, I developed feelings, he didn’t , I ended up upset , but I learnt at the same time that FWB or casual would never suit me .
It was either hook up or relationship .

You still don't still to understand the meaning of casual. 🤷‍♀️

Clearly not 😂…