If you met your OH online?

[seeingmerciful]

After a long time of not being in a relationship, I’m going to get online. I’m 50, good career, home, good family and friends etc and life has been good…but I finally feel ready to get out there. I’ve been warned about the horrors awaiting me but I’m still hanging on to some optimism as I’ve got a few friends who have met decent men this way.

So, question is, if you met your OH online, how long did it take to finally find someone you really clicked with? I’m going to try Match and Hinge so also interested to know which sites are mostly used.

Good luck! You'll hear terrible things or wonderful things about the apps depending on who you ask. I have been on close to 40 dates with guys I've met online in the past 7-8 years (not a huge amount if you divvy that up over the years) some were disasters, some were lovely people and we just didn't click, and some I liked but they didn't feel the same.

Hinge and Bumble have been my apps of choice. I briefly used Tinder but had some very sexualised messages within the first hour of having a profile and quickly deleted it! On Bumble women have to message first and Hinge is open to either person to message first but I've so far never had anything untoward.

My advice would be to keep a diary or at minimum a quick log of the dates you go on. Their name, where you met, initial thoughts, who called it off if it doesn't work out etc. It allows you to see patterns of who you are attracted to and break them if need be and also makes for a fun list to look back on (hopefully a short list for you!).

Secondly, I'd write down a few things that are absolutely non-negotiables for you which will help you weed through profiles easier - things like if they smoke or do drugs, their politics, their location etc might be dealbreakers. If you can afford the premium subscriptions they allow you to turn on filters but if not then just have your list which will make swiping quicker.

Not to add to the pessimism you may have heard but there are a lot of married men or men in relationships on the apps so try to be savvy about that and ask lot of questions to try to weed them out. I've been on a couple of dates with men who were away every weekend or uncontactable at certain times which are signs that something is up. If you feel unnerved by someone, trust your gut and move on. A lot of people will also try to rush intimacy, this may be something you're okay with but hold your ground if not and wave them goodbye. Some of the men I dated pushed for home dates within the first week or two of knowing each other which inevitably meant they were after one thing.

To balance that with some optimism, I know a few people who went dates with 1-3 people they met online and met their longterm partners. So it's not necessarily a long drawn-out process for everyone.

To end on a positive, I met someone absolutely lovely a few months ago who I've now been on quite a few dates with and am seeing where things go. There are lots of nice men hoping for the same thing as you (whatever that may be) but it can take a while to find somone suited to you. Good luck!

The one I ended up with was the 5th guy I met.

I met my previous fiancé online, it took him 2.5 years to show his true colours.

I had my best success on Tinder. I think there are the most people on there. I have to say that I treated it lightly heartedly and wasn't expecting to do anything but have some fun flirting and dates. I'd decided as I wasn't long out of a very long marriage that I'd just have some fun.

But I unexpectedly met my really lovely partner on there close to 2 years ago now. We're both mid 50s.

We met 19 years ago through Parship. Been married 13. My 2nd internet date.

Oooh it's an absolute minefield. I met a previous partner online, after around 5 dates. Then after a 3 year on/off relationship, we split and after 3 months or so of weird dates and vowing to quit dating apps for ever, I went back on cos I was bored and met my now husband. It was HIS first ever online date. Probably my 10th

I'd just say you know when you know. Don't attribute anything else to a guy just because you met online, there's a tendency to believe you're going to be compatible because you 'matched' online. You'll meet some horrors, some lovely folk who just aren't for you, and hopefully a partner. Don't take it too seriously and remember this will give you some good stories 😉

I met my DH in a chat room 23 years ago, my opening line in our first private chat was, I'm just here to chat, nothing else. Long story short moved in with him after 3 months so 23 years together, married 10 years. I don't know how it would have worked on a dating site but I hope we would have met somehow.

I met my husband online in 2000 on msn chat rooms ☺️ we were 16. Lost touch then in touch again whilst living our lives. We met face to face 6 years later in New York - still only friends! Got together in 2012, married in 2015 and have 2 kids and a dog now. I hope you're successful in your search.

Met my partner online in Jan 2020 on bumble. The first and only man I met online dating.

I only signed up as the team at work were on at me to do it, I thought it looked as depressing as I had imagined and carried on with work thinking I would delete the app later. That night my phone pinged with a message from a man who actually looked lovely - nice smile, could string an intelligent sentence together and made me laugh. One date and that was that, been together 10 years and married for 6. I suspect I was one of the lucky ones whom it worked out for very quickly.

I met my previous partner on Hinge, first person I met with in person. That lasted around 2 years- we are still friends and work better that way.

Went back to Hinge and found current partner of 5 years after 5 other first dates. I am little older than you so was roughly same age when on the apps.

Good luck!

Is Guardian Soul Mates still going?

I met DH on PlentyofFish, we've been married 13 years so we've known each other 14 1/2 years 🤣🤣

I can't remember how long I was online as it was a bit stop start, I was iny 20s and didn't really know what I wanted etc.

my advice would be meet fairly soon for something low key. I've had great connections online which never got round to face to face, or ones where it was a bit awks online but great in person.

DH and I went for a coffee, which was hard work frankly as he's sky and I gabble to fill the gap. after coffee he suggested a pub and I think we both just relaxed more. At the point we were discussing the personality traits of birds I knew he'd be getting a 2nd date 🤣

pay attention to red flags, be clear what you want, ignore any messages under 20 words.

and I have two other friends who met men online and are happily married now. I know there's horror stories of idiot men, but honestly you can meet them anyway! idiot men are abundant as rainfall in December. So don't get overly invested and date lots

I met my now DH in 2016 on tinder. I only used tinder though didn’t try any others. It was different back then I think. As in, more people were looking for a relationship rather than casual etc
I was on tinder for maybe 2-3 years before I met him had several dates and a few short (3 month or less) relationships before matching with him and the rest was history!
my DSis also met her now DH on tinder too, also in 2016

Current DP first date.

Previous DP first date 😅

But I’ve had other spells on OLD where I’ve gone on multiple dates and not had any luck.

I think you know from the conversation whether you will click or not, don’t waste time going on dates with someone you’re not sold on already.

Remember that Hinge, Tinder etc are all algorithms. Like Instagram shows you what you think you’ll like, so do they. If you keep seeing terrible men then rethink your profile and interactions.

IMO spreading far and wide is a bad strategy too. You should be marmite, don’t care about appealing to as many men as possible. Better to put off 99% of men who think you’re weird for liking bell ringing or medieval LARPing to find the 1%.

I met dh on plenty of fish 16 years ago. I was 31, divorced with one child and he was 22, living at home with his mum having dropped out of university …! I’d been online dating for around 6 months by the time I met him and was pretty fed up with life in general by then but decided to meet him for a coffee and see what happened. We ended up staying chatting till they chucked us out! We’ve been married 14 years now, one teen Ds, and my now adult dd. I think it’s important to keep an open mind, so many people rule people out based on income, jobs, whatever else. I was in a much better position financially than dh when we first met - I owned my own home outright and had a very good job, but he always had a good work ethic and now he’s the one working and I don’t work anymore (through choice). You never know whether the right person is going to be out there online, just keep going.

He was the first photo that came up and I told my boss (she set me up on it) that he was the man id marry. Only person I met up with. 10 years later, married & 2 kids!

Facebook. We had been FB friends for over 10 years (we have a mutual friend; he went to school with her and I became friends with her later in life).

We started messaging during lockdown. It took me ages to muster up the courage but I finally DM'ed him after mutual friend confirmed he was single. We had never DM'ed before. We had or first date, a very brief couple of hours when restrictions started lifting. That was 5 years ago.

I don't think I would ever have bothered with dating apps but I know people who have met that way so perhaps I might have done so eventually.

Good luck, OP! Enjoy it.

my (admittedly unusual) success story is that my first ever relationship was with the first ever person I met online.

That was 20 years ago. We’ve been together ever since. Married 10 years, have a child and are very happy.

Good luck! There are good ones out there.

Joined match for a month, messaged one guy and went on my first proper date with him…we’ve been married for almost 11 years now and have 2 children! So for me, first and only date/contact!

I met my DP over a year ago, 2nd person I met through OLD. I was about to delete my account and had 1 final look at my matches and he was there! The previous guy that I met was a weird one 😬

Met my DP on Tinder almost 4 years ago, we hit it off straight away. He's a good guy and I'm keeping him ;-) so, OLD can work, yes.

Good luck! Be PICKY! Sorry, didn'y find mine online...but..

I'd been on POF, Bumble, Hinge, Match, Facebook on and off (more on) for 13 years and met my current OH naturally.

Some I liked but they didn't like me and the other way around, lots clearly weren't wanting a relationship even though they made out they were, distance was an issue in some cases and some were into sex talk before meeting.

Filter them out quickly, if there's a slight gripe DO NOT meet them, it'll just waste your time. I'd been on 30 odd dates, yes I'm very picky! (a few of those turned into short relationships but they were losers). And no my boyfriend doesn't have a gold knob, just a genuine and caring guy who has my best interests at heart, totally, a rare find.