Boyfriend/DP of about 3 years, my first proper relationship post divorce, and his post becoming a widower suddenly. We’re both mid forties.
I know that I can bring the relationship to an end for any reason, but I’m worried if I do I’ll regret it and that this is more of a “me” issue.
in my DP/boyfriend I have someone who is respectful, feminist, sensitive (mostly - or at least wants to be), listens to me, supportive, we have a good level of sex and it’s satisfying (if a little samey). It’s a warm loving relationship with a good underlying friendship. He has no controlling tendencies. We’re financially suited, live near each other and are on the same page re. not wanting to blend families and kids coming first (teens).
basically, I know in reality I’m lucky to have met him in my 40s and he is a good prospect compared to many available men on OLD in their 40s and 50s!
a recurring issue is that I feel he doesn’t compliment me enough. I’m rolling my eyes at myself as I write that as it sounds really egotistical. But he doesn’t make me feel like he wants me or fancies me, other than “in the moment” when we have sex which is usually quite scheduled due to the realities of when we have an empty house between us.
he says nice things…. But it always feels a bit “gay best friend” or what he’d say to his sister.
im away on a cruise and I sent him a pic of me and my kids on formal night, in a posh dress, made a real effort. He said “oooh so glitzy glam!”
am I ridiculous that I’d love it if he told me I looked amazing in my dress? Or something else that made me feel like he fancies me?
we’ve consciously wanted to have a relationship where we talk to each other about how we’re feeling and air grievances or niggles as neither of us had that in our marriages.
but it’s hard! How many times do you raise the same thing if it doesn’t change? I’ve told him how much I like it when he’s physically affectionate at “non sex times” but it’s not really improved. We have lovely warm cuddles on the sofa but I sometimes come away from his at the weekend realising we didn’t kiss properly all weekend. I’d love him to stroke my bum or get down to some proper heavy petting on the sofa but it’s very rare unless we’re doing it all.
what do I do?
it’s a recurring niggle and gut feeling something is missing. But I can foresee ending it and regretting it as in many ways he is a great partner especially heading into older years.