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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He doesn’t care / drinking / ick

4 replies

meandyouplustwo · 01/08/2026 08:18

I hate my husbands drinking , he’s not a nasty drunk , but he does get argumentative .
first the good things , he works hard and is generous with money , he does nice things with our children and if I want anything I can have it . I don’t have expensive habits and I do have a small income of my own .
He has weekends away seeing childhood friends and has at least one lads holiday a year . Not a problem for me . Our children are 18 and 12 so the younger hard years are over .
yesterday is the problem and all the times before . He had the day off and he want on his own into town , came back at 1 and I smelt alcohol , not drunk though , he carried on drinking through the day in plastic cups and by 6 pm he was slurring and talking loudly , being obnoxious so I ignored him and went out to a shop , my eldest served tea up and they ate . He knew I was upset and kept saying What ? to me . The eldest decided to go upstairs and me and youngest decided to watch a movie . She said it’s a shame daddy isn’t watching it . He was snoring loudly by 8pm and refusing to go to bed when she woke him , it was so loud we couldn’t hear the tv.
when he went to bed the eldest came down and we had a lovely evening .

the atmosphere is horrible when he drinks , the only reason we don’t argue is because I won’t .
We have talked many times about daytime drinking and keeping it out of the house , or drinking after 7ish . I don’t want my children to think having a few and falling asleep in the afternoon is normal .

he misses so much family time by doing this , the kids laugh at him and I feel really sad .

thoughts please

OP posts:
Changeaboutnow · 01/08/2026 08:32

Have you tried contacting one of the organisations that support the families of alcoholics OP? Al- Anon is the best known one but there are others .
https://al-anonuk.org.uk/

Al-Anon UK | For families & friends of alcoholics

Al-Anon Family Groups are for the families & friends of alcoholics who share their experience, strength & hope in order to solve their common problems.

https://al-anonuk.org.uk

Wishimaywishimight · 01/08/2026 08:40

It sounds really hard for all of you but especially for the children who have no choice in this scenario.

You say you have discussed it "many times" with him but nothing changes. Clearly this is your life now so you either make peace with that or make plans to leave.

Your older child is already avoiding being around dad when he is drunk and may well avoid visiting much once he/she leaves home.

Once both kids have gone your DH may well step up the drinking. Is this a life you want for yourself?

whippersnapper55 · 01/08/2026 08:45

How often is he doing this? It sounds like he has a problem, he shouldn't be getting blind drunk and passing out in front of your children and you shouldn't have to tiptoe around him to avoid a row.

I think you need to have a serious conversation with him (when he's sober) and makr it clear that either the drinking stops or you and the children are leaving. And mean it.

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