Third baby or stop at two ???

[Pheebe]

Bit of a tome, skip to the last para if you can't be bothered

I started a thread a while ago about how my DH had said if I could get back to a size 14 he's agree to another baby. The general agreement was that was a bit of a twattish offer, well intentioned and certainly not controlling/toxic, just a bit misguided. Anyway, he keeps mentioning having more babies, not in a lets have another kind of way, just be nice to me you might want more kids kind of way.

Anyhoo I sat him down last night and asked him if all this was his roundabout way of saying he quites like the idea of another one. He said tbh he doesn't know, practically and financially 2 works for us and he worries about how it might affect our 2 ds's but...He even started talking about converting the bathroon into a bedroom (we have 2 bathrooms as our house was once split into two).

Thing is, I'm 38 next bday so if we were going to go again I wouldn't want to wait too long (also history of multiple mcs). I always wanted 3, still feel like there's a gap where another bub should be (probably grief over loss of first baby) but genuinely don't don't what to do now its a real possibility. How on earth do you make this sort of decision???

personally i have 2 and if i were to have a nother one i would want 4 3 seems such an uneven number and u know the saying 3's a crowd i have a friend who has 3 and she says the first 2 usaully play together and seem to push the 3rd out after seeing this i am stoping at 2 couldn't handle 4 lol

but i suppose every family is different x

I think you should just go for it. What would you regret more, having a third, or not having a third?

I personally think three is a lovely number of children.

i always wanted 3 i am one of 3 dp one of 4 he felt left out in his family, i never did
dc3 arrived in Jan she now 5mths and my family is complete, do it !

Hello, Just posting to sympathise with what a hard decision this is. I have 2 dcs, 2yrs and 4 months, and as I'm one of two, I always thought 2 would be enough for me, but I'm absolutely torn about maybe wanting 3.
I'm 37 next birthday so like you if I'm going to do it, I feel we shouldn't hang about (dd was ivf then ds conceived naturally).
But I also think about the question of three's a crowd and creating a 'middle child'. Like Sheena1, I wonder if you go for 3, you should go for 4.
And while I wouldn't regret another beautiful baba, I'd hate for the other two to miss out on things because of lack of our time or money. Pregnancy is hard, even with no actual problems, and all that worrying...
Do other MNetters know when their family is complete? Do you get a sense of it?

I feel the same. Have 2 dcs, 2yrs and 10 months. I feel very broody but worry how I would cope with a pregnancy and having a third child. I wonder if I had a third child I would feel complete or if no matter how many children I have I would always want another baby.

Blimey, scunnered, and your gap is even smaler than mine! Am 'officially' not allowed to make the decision until ds is 1. Apparently I might feel differently with two mobile kids. But ds has been such a lovely baby (could be second child syndrome, so calm) that I almost can't bear the thought he might be my last. But then I could get another one like dd - much, much loved but v high maintenance.
Sorry to hijack your thread Pheebe, but this 2 or 3 issue fascinates me. Apparently the jump from 2 to 3 is a bigger shock than 1 to 2 or 3 to 4, iyswim.

Lastyearsmodel, I feel the same about ds2, he's been a dream baby, so calm and happy and accepting, loves his bed, loves to sleep, loves to sit and play, loves life! Not that DS1 was difficult but he wasn't the best sleeper and theres the shock of first baby etc. Glad to know I'm not the only one struggling with this.

Spoke to my mum today about it. She had three and not exactly regrets as that would be like saying she regrets having my little sis but knowing what she knows now she would have stopped at 2 and devoted all her time energy etc to them as 3 was too much a stretch.

No closer to a decision but there's a bit of time yet I guess...

I would have gone for a third-but didnt have my first till i was 36yrs old so ran out of time!

Its your choice,you say you always wanted three so there you go.

I have always wanted 3 children and am blessed to have 2 dc. DD who is 2 and ds who is 7 months. Dd was a dream baby and ds who isnt (not that i don't love him of course)
My dh has always been non-commital about having 3 but knows I have always wanted 3. Ds is yet to do a full nights sleep and to be honest, we are both looking a little older than we should!! Dh is very good and will get up in the night with him although he is working ft and i'm on mat leave for a bit longer.
I have been thinking about a third alot lately. (state of economy / world / quality of life / help with childcare etc) My gut instinct is that our family is not complete.

I have a 7 yr old, a 4 yr old and a 2 yr old. For me, having three has been too much of a stretch. My third is actually the easiest child, such a wonderful baby, and I adore him, but the combination of all three is just too much most days and I am barely coping. Of course, this is just my experience, but I should have stopped at two. Unfortunately, I felt incredibly broody, and nothing anybody would have said to me would have changed my mind about having a third, but I absolutely don't feel broody any more.

Lastyearsmodel, your situation sounds so similar to mine. My DS has also been such a lovely baby. He is so contented, has always been a good feeder and slept well. My DD is very high maintenance. Very much loved but does test me to the limit at times. My DH thinks it is madness to think of another baby at the moment as we are all so tired and it is a bit of a struggle at times, especially since I returned to work.

Mu number 3 is 4 months old and I have a 5yr old and a just turned 3 yr old too. I don't regret DS2 for a moment but it is very hard work juggling the needs to three. I think that a relationship needs to be a a very secure and good place to withstand the extra pressure.

Re. the sleep thing - if you saw my eye bags today (or heard me wailing in the night when ds had a rare cry last night) you would wonder why I'm even contemplating doing this again. Ds does sleep but he also feeds an awful lot at night and I am feeling very, very oooold.
Celery, your experience is interesting - while one can't regret having lovely healthy kids, I'm a great one for getting a bee in my bonnet about something and not letting go of it or listening to wise advice.
Perhaps I should wait til I get a good night's sleep, and shift some of this baby weight, then think again. Besides, I've heard you actually have to sleep with dp in order to conceive
Keep us posted, Pheebe.

This thread is really interesting to me as DS2 is 9 months old and we are discussing no. 3. I thought DH was not bothered vut turns out he would quite like number three. Some of these comments have given me pause to think though.
I think if I had one of each I wouldn't want a third. Thats not to say I would be trying for a girl, but I feel its easy to feel a family is complete if you have one of each.

Have 3 DDs and like Celery I feel number 3 has stretched/rocked us more than we will admit. Things that were possible with 2 become too difficult to contemplate with three, especially day activities when you are alone. DD3 (11mths) is an easy baby, sleeps through etc but the reality for me is the logistics of juggling school, homework, dinner, toddler, bath, and baby alone can be pretty grim sometimes. I do not regret for a second but there is far more to number three than I imagined.
God that sounds pretty morbid and it isn't meant to be. Also know that our family is complete.

Go with your gut. We're going for number four!!

two hard years after birth of DC3 but it is great fun now. Holidays are great and looking forward to all those Christmas days, hols and general fun of being 5 in family

I have one dd (8) and don't feel like my family is complete. Would love to have another dc but after 4 successive miscarriages am beginning to doubt whether i'll ever have another . I'd say that if it's what you want go for it !!!!!!!

worry bum - don't give up hun. I've had loads of mcs before and between my two dcs and yet here they both are

Thanks. I don't plan to give up just yet. Am under the recurrent miscarriage clinic so time will tell. Makes you realise all the more just how precious they are doesn't it?

i have 3. i had 3 under 3yo in fact.
i thought i wanted more, but i was smacked in the face with the sheer weight of 3 babies in 2.5 yrs and pnd and all that jazz that i often think i shouldve stopped at two. but then, i wouldnt have no3 and that wouldnt be right would it?
3's a great number (when thyere not all babies, like. youngest is 2.5 now thank god) they play together brilliantly.

I think you know when your family is complete.I always wanted 4 and even when the third reached 6 and everyone(including DH!)thought we were done I stil wanted another and knew we would have one.Now have 4 ranging from 18 yrs to 2 years and I FEEL COMPLETE!
Go for it.It will be hard at first but the baby years fly by.Then it is just the teenage yeats to go through.....

do you mind if I hjack for a minute then pheebe and ask SilentTerror what the age gaps are between your dcs. I had alwayd hoped that dd would have siblings close to her own age but that obviously has not gone to plan. how's the sibling relationship between your dcs with the largest age gap?

hijack at will worrybum no permission needed

My dd's are 7,5 and 2 mths, and we are all loving dd3. For me it is wonderful. Chaotic, yes, hectic, yes, but lovely. I didn't feel 'finished' before I had 3, and I didn't know if I ever would. I do now. Good luck.