Third baby or stop at two ???

[Pheebe]

Bit of a tome, skip to the last para if you can't be bothered

I started a thread a while ago about how my DH had said if I could get back to a size 14 he's agree to another baby. The general agreement was that was a bit of a twattish offer, well intentioned and certainly not controlling/toxic, just a bit misguided. Anyway, he keeps mentioning having more babies, not in a lets have another kind of way, just be nice to me you might want more kids kind of way.

Anyhoo I sat him down last night and asked him if all this was his roundabout way of saying he quites like the idea of another one. He said tbh he doesn't know, practically and financially 2 works for us and he worries about how it might affect our 2 ds's but...He even started talking about converting the bathroon into a bedroom (we have 2 bathrooms as our house was once split into two).

Thing is, I'm 38 next bday so if we were going to go again I wouldn't want to wait too long (also history of multiple mcs). I always wanted 3, still feel like there's a gap where another bub should be (probably grief over loss of first baby) but genuinely don't don't what to do now its a real possibility. How on earth do you make this sort of decision???

I'm at the same stage as you Pheebe, hace 2dc 4 and 20 months and really want another, god knows why. My Dd is really hard work, I mean she is lovely and really clever but is very high maintenace, Ds is calmer and happier, although he is going through the dreaded tantrum phase. Life is a constant battle of waaahhh wwaaaaaaaaah wwwaaaaaaaaaaaaah, when one takes a toy or has something the other doesn't have or twats the other or generally exists. But I'm hoping A) thats just the ages, and B) at least poor ds will have a playmate as his sister is really not fond.

Dp categorically stated he didn't want anymore after Ds was born. Then out of the blue we were suddenly taking risks in the bedroom. I then asked him what he would do if I got pg, he said go to the pub and have a stiff one lol. I even said after one night of foolishness, what if I am pg, he said, well at least Ds will have the honour of being the only planned one. Mixed messages ahoy .

If you did get pg how do you think you would feel?

I thought I could be pg last month, but Af came and I was dissapointed, which says a lot.

BTW Pheebe I'm one of four. Used to fight all the time with my brothers and sisters and drive my mum mad - not big fights but silly things like who would get to sit in the front of the car on outings out etc,(although in a mad rage I did once throw an Oxford English dictionary at my quickly retreating brother- he never lets me forget about it!) but we had lots of laughs too. We all think the world of eachother and eachother's dcs and even though there's now the Atlantic ocean dividing me from one brother and my sister (they've been In the USA for 13 years now) when we get together it's like we've never been apart (though the fighting's ceased now!). Also I have a set of cousins who are 3 sisters and they are as close as I can imagine any set of siblings to be. I think it's lovely being part of a large family. Could never imagine having been an only child.

I am one of 5 girls, me being the youngest with 7 years between me and the next oldest. We are all still in contact (sporadically). But tbh I notice that we have split off into camps, me and sis who was dd3, dd1 and dd4, with dd3 being a bit of floater lol.

I have 3 children (aged 17, 9 and 4). I knew after no2 that my family was not complete. I also know after No3 that it is! No3 was complete shock at time (not planned but knew I intended having another. Best thing that ever happened to our family.

I have 2 DC. DD is 5 and DS is 3. I love them more than anything in the world and just loves looking after them. Yet, I have been broody ever since I stopped breastfeeding DS. Unfortunately, I had a m/c a few months ago but I am hoping to be pg again soon.
If you have this overwhelming, irrational feeling of wanting another child then you have to give it a try

I agree with what a pp said about needing a strong relationship to have 3 DC.

After DS2 (now 18mths) we swore we would never have another, he was/is such hard work, slept through at 14mths, reflux etc.

But now he is growing up really fast and we are both a little broody.

But I have to remind myself that only a few months ago (weeks?) I was thinking of divorce.

DS1 hit us hard but there were the great pfb bits too.

DS2 was nearly the end of us.

I think a 3rd DC might really kill the relationship.

Such a hard decision - can you tell we still haven't made it yet either?

My dh just had the 'snip'. Second baby was only seven weeks old. Deep down I resent him for it. It was more a financial consideration and he is 40. Too old for a third one by the time I would be ready (I am 32)

When ever I see thread titles like this I jsut want to type STOP AT TWO !!!!!

My 3rd DC, is the most perfect lovely child ever, but it has been HARD WORK.

The thing is no one else can make this decision for you.

I think you are right. The friends I have with three always seem too tired to enjoy it. Don't want to go out because it is too much hassle with three. What does a third one really add that you don;t already have?

I would have 2 or 4 not 3 - I was one of 3 and a few of my friends were too and had the same experience that one is always left out - normally the eldest or youngest.

We have two lovely wee girls, but it always felt like someone was missing and that that person was a boy.

Am now 23 weeks on with DS1.

He will be our last.

exactly as expat said apart from our little DS is 4 weeks old and asleep on my lap as I type - he is too wonderful for words.

3 DCs is fantastic - feels very right for us.

I am at the same stage too. DS is 3 1/2 and DD is 9 months old. Thought we were complete but all of a sudden I am feeling broody and DH mentioning casually over a glass of wine that 3 would be nice isn't helping things!
DH is away a lot with work and i love the two so much, some days are great fun and full of smiles from my 2....those days i feel broody, other days are exhausting and really draining....those days i'm not so broody.
I think i need to wait a little to make final decision...although i am 35 this year and it took 2 years to have no 2 so time is a factor too....

I am agonising about this too.I am 44 so really last chance saloon,also hideous pregs,c-sections etc.but..still half yearning.babies are beyond rationality.I have two friends with three,one has an au pair though,she felt she couldn't cope without help as they are quite close together.I know obvious "middle children" which puts me off,and i know happy threesomes,usually where there is a biggish gap somewhere,or where there are different genders.It is really hard to decide ! I am knackered and still breastfeeding and I think my baby now would end up the most "neglected" if I had another,but I feel really sad if I think I will never be pregnant again,but maybe you always would feel that ?AArgh!

Just to add, I might have felt diffently if I had a bigger gap between DC 2 & 3; I found toddler tantrums and being heavily pregnant/ having a new baby tough.

"What does a third one really add that you don't all ready have?"

Well in my case a girl, and a whole sweet, loving person with her own funny personality.

Can you tell they've been in bed for a few hours now?

Mmm, hellymelly, middle kids... would having a third make my wonderful baby ds that 'neglected, weird' middle kid? Also think if i went for no 3 I'd have to go for no 4 too - even numbers and all that. And being pregnant with 2 dcs and no chance of an afternoon nap? Might be too old for that.
Lynette - dd's tantrums are already making me more of a shouty mother than I'd like. All that 'have a special box of toys ready to distract your toddler when you're feeding the baby' guff not working here. She's bouncing off the walls and he's hanging backwards off my lap (without letting go of my nipple) to see what the noise is.
Think I might be answering my own question about no 3.

Oh shit, is it too late to change my mind?!

I'm 38 weeks pregnant with number 3 always felt there was someone else missing from around the table.

expat - so lovely to hear you say that I remember you always saying you were stopping at 2, then when you got pregnant and lost the baby and thinking you were having a girl this time, now you are having a healthy boy, I believe in fate and you were always meant to be having this little boy

oh and being pregnant with 2 toddlers and no afternoon naps totally sucks this is definitely my last one!

I think siblings are the best gift you can give to your children, as they have each other for life. Nothing you buy with money can compare to having a brother or a sister. I loved those early years with young children, but I am too tired and poor to have anymore,so it's two for us.